Condensation and cigarette smoke
filled the air as he leaned against
the hood of the car watching as
she walked through the cemetery
in the early morning, just after
dawn, holding a bouquet of white
tiger lilies, making her way to a
small marble headstone that read:
“Beloved Son, January 9, 2009 –
January 9, 2009”.

when forever walks
out the door, do i
cease to exist?

Sticking my finger down my throat,
I swallowed an entire bottle of them.
I realize life is worth living.
I don't want to ******* die.
I just need to ***** and I'll be better.
They've already been absorbed, I'm *******.
I don't want to go to the hospital.
Where's my ******* phone?  It's just three numbers.
I can feel my heart rate slowing down
Get excited, raise that blood pressure.
and my extremities are going numb.
They're just cold, rub them a lot.
Back to the wall, *** on the ground, unmoving.
Get up!  Dance!  Punch something!  Anything!
The darkness takes me and I have one last thought:
*I only thought I wanted to die, I swear.

I shout your name into
the wind and
like a cool, rolling breeze
at the nape of my neck,
yours returns.

Hypothetically, what if I was drunk
or high or ****** beyond repair?

What if I crushed four 2 milligram Xanax
and snorted them up my nose, hypothetically?

What if I packed my hand-blown, inside-out
glass pipe with good green, sticky bud?

And, hypothetically, what if I cut up some fresh powder
and went on a skiing trip that lasted through an eight-ball?

Or what if I dropped LSD in my left eye just to see the lines
combine and streak by?

But what if I was sober and what if I still felt
the same then as I felt was hypothetically *******?

What If I loved you?

What if you were all that mattered and

what if you diminished all the other ****?

My trip is my way into your life and the road that leads me there is filled with many things, but the psychotropic **** and barbiturates and benztropines and burning hash, I will leave at home because you are the only thing I need to get high.

What happened to us
talking all the time? Always
in one another’s ears, hands,
minds? When did you decide
that my voice, my me, was no longer
worth you? Why didn't you tell me
before you left?
Now I have to track you down and
kiss you one last time so
I can die with you
on my lips.