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i'm still trying to figure out how to tell someone i love
that i don't want to exist anymore on this earth
how are you supposed to say that
killing yourself sounds like a better option than suffering through life with half a mind

i think about what people would do if i were to die
would they cry?
would they pretend they were my friend and wish they'd talked to me longer?
i don't think feigning relationships is such a good way to say goodbye
but hell
at least i'd be known to have a lot of friends

it makes me sad to think that my body has gotten so tired
that i fall asleep in my classes when i used to be the only one awake
it's almost like i'm 80 years old on the inside and my heart is failing with my lungs
and i'm 16 on the outside with bags the shades of night
i'm peppered with bruises the colour of magenta but i find they bring me comfort
it lets me know i'm not the only thing breaking

my veins are too
it isn't because of you anymore, darling. you haven't done anything wrong...
I wish I could put my tongue
on exactly what I want
as much as I put it against yours.
I wish I could hold your heart
in my hands
instead of leaving mine in a ****** pile
in yours.
I wish I was addicted to my heartbeat
after three (or four) **** rips
instead of my heartbeat
when I'm dressing to see you.
I wish I knew my mother
as well as I got to know yours
when we sat side by side
waiting for you to wake up
after swallowing a bottle of aspirin.
I wish I cut up your letters
instead of my own arms
but I can't think of any other way
to get you out of my skin.
I wish I loved myself
as much as I love you
but I wasn't lying when I said
you are the better part of me.
Wounds will heal
Over time
Even if it takes
Decades
But the memories that
Came from the pain
Last much longer
I know
I have scars
That mark the pain
Everyone does
But not all
Scars show
Skin is not the only
Surface you can
Break
Hearts
Can be slit
Just as easily
So be careful
Every person is fragile
Some seem more
Breakable
Than others
But not all
Scars show
A heart is not the only
Surface you can
Break

Confidence
Can be shattered
Just as easily
So be careful
Every person is fragile
Confidence can
Be broken
Faster
Than anything else
And it takes so long to
Repair
I know
I have scars
But not all
Scars show
Repost if you can relate. Or if you just really like the repost button.
For all the time I've know you
You've worn a mask upon your face
It appeared beautiful, perfect, and friendly
But now I realize that wasn't the case

For hiding underneath that mask
Was a soldier bent on destruction
Posing as a comrade fighting for good
But following the other side's instruction

You wormed your way into our ranks
And we accepted you as one of our own
But all of us were unaware
Your true intentions had not yet been shown

When an opportunity presented itself
You struck without any hesitation
Our troops started dropping left and right
Without any sign of infiltration

You knew you only had so long though
Before your actions got you caught
So you moved to abolish your final target
A tougher task than you had thought

That night, when you attacked me
You allowed your mask to fall
And as you fled, I caught a glance
Of the real person beneath it all

Well, "What doesn't **** you makes you stronger"
And you make me tougher every day
Which is why no matter what you do
I refuse to let you stand in my way

I learned some valuable lessons
About how you fight this war
And now those same old boring tactics
Won't work here any more

So thank you for the knife
That you embedded in my back
For you just gave me the tool I need
To defend against any future attack.
i still remember when we'd stay up til 3 am messaging each other talking about music

now i can't even bare to look in your eyes or even say your name

the shirt i gave you probably smells like cigarettes and alcohol by now

you always told me to slow my words down so you could understand me

but maybe you didn't understand what pain i was trying to explain

half of my summer consisted of sadness and cigarettes thanks to you

i know what you did to me because i was there on the other side of the wall

while you were with the guy you didn't know, i was sitting at the fire being warmed by it and not you

(J.A.)
 Oct 2014 Layla Thurman
bones
She's an alphabet artist
she paints in words,

from a palette of adjectives,
nouns and verbs,

the landscape she finds
in the folds of her mind

she exhibits in volumes of verse.
She put down her book and
rolled over to his side,
Searching for sincerity
in his dilated eyes.
"Do you believe in dragons?"
A pause. A knowing smile.
"Yes."
You are not real
anymore,
you are not mine
forever;

instead, you are
disintegrating
as I strip apart the memories
and shake out
the sadness -
not a real
sadness, but an emptiness
I may never understand

so I'll write until I do,
or until I've erased
the last traces of you
I do hope these memories expire in time.
 Oct 2014 Layla Thurman
Ash
Thoughts
 Oct 2014 Layla Thurman
Ash
It's all in the mind
This crazy feeling
But I'll never find
The right words falling

Although intertwined—
These thoughts, they're running
And I'm left behind
Desperately crawling
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