I promised this time I wouldn't let it get to me
I promised the second time I would be stronger
I wouldn't let him win
The second time
I broke

The second time I couldn't tell anyone
I couldn't let myself ruin my best friends last run
She was in love
A feeling I would never take away from anyone
A feeling I envy
A feeling I fear I could never feel after him

The second time I didn't blame myself
This time I looked out for my health
This time it didn't matter
This time toxins werent involved
This time it was all him

The second time was not easier
The second time broke my interior
The second time broke my exterior
The second time I let him win

The second time will be the last time






*I hope

I remember the day my dignity was lost
Not by choice but taken
The air was dewy and the grass was layered with frost
I recalled every word he said and was shaken
I walked through campus looking like a freakshow for everyone to see
I felt the blood trickling down me
For years we were friends
I thought I could trust him till the end
I remember gaining my conscious back
He whispered, "shh, it's okay I'm almost done"
After those words the silence lacked
With my tears drowning out his "fun"

You change because you are fed up with yourself
You change because you are sick of the choices you have made
But have you ever had something change you?
Someone give you a reason for that change?
That the person that you thought could be the glacier in your dessert is actually the volcano of your island
Every picture you have painted
Every fantasy you have thought up
Shattered
Because their first act was their last act and it was your choice to close the curtain

It's been a long time coming
I have made it this far
My life has hit a point of numbing
I hit a bar
I can feel it slipping away
Control is lost
I tell myself not to fray
Because in life you are your own boss
Only you can fire the people in it
You do have control
Every opportunity that comes you can hit
Even if it's not a grand slam you can still say you swung
Because the effort is better than the regret
You're life will not be taken form you like a smokers lung
So let's make ourselves a bet
Never live life out of fear
Because you'll end up being the one to shed a tear

When we were all little we had the innocence
The innocence of not knowing right form wrong
The innocence of getting away with it
The innocence from society

Today, we all do what is socially acceptable
Most of us wish we could back to our innocence
Forget all the experience we have and everything we have been taught
Simpler times

When I was little I never cared what others thought of me
I never cared about what I looked like
I never cared about what society thought I should be

When we grow older we are trained to listen to society
Abide by societies rules
We learn what is and is not socially acceptable

This is when we get eaten alive
This when I get eaten alive

I never had a confidence problem when I was younger
I never relied on a guy for my happiness
I never let them dictate who I was or what I should look like

When I was younger I never did this
Today, I do and so do many other girls
Our confidence is easily damaged by a guy in our life

I promised myself I would never abide by their standards
I would never do it again
I would never damage myself or my body again

We all know this is never true