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621 · Feb 2015
come out come out
Victoria Ruth Feb 2015
Come out come out
Wherever you are
Give me your love
And another cigar
Come out come out
Quit hiding from me
Show your face
Boy let me see
Come out come out
Don’t get in the car
There’s nothing
For you at that bar
Come out come out
With another cigar
Give me your love
Wherever you are
594 · Oct 2014
To be me
Victoria Ruth Oct 2014
Having my tongue held
To keep me from speaking
Never being able to find
The love I am seeking

Its like I’m being hit
By a fast moving train
Then my body is numb
I no longer feel pain

Being broken is not
Something you can see
But being broken
Is what it’s like to be me
593 · Jun 2016
sweaty thoughts
Victoria Ruth Jun 2016
your hand around my neck
tries to keep me from breathing
pushes my heartbeat to slow
leaving me begging & pleading

your lips caress my body here
makes me feel like screaming
tingles being sent all over  
finding it all quite pleasing

your eyes lock with mine
creates the feeling of dreaming
staring at the sweat drip down
feeling the breeze of freezing

your mouth says sweet words
thought up with out meaning
they disappear in the morning
and you leave my heart bleeding

your looks send dopamine
through my body while believing
at first you'd want to stay
but looks can be deceiving

your memories teach me lessons
of a love I won't be receiving
I'll remember you like the others
but know all poisin is miss leading
558 · Jul 2014
If you see my heart
Victoria Ruth Jul 2014
I was suddenly hit
By a fast moving train
My body clearly injured
But I did not feel pain

Everyone around me
Saw I was destroyed
They saw the train that
I chose not to avoid

It was on the track
Wheels turning, smoke rising
I chose to let it hit me
Isn’t that surprising?

I trusted the train
It would have stopped
But when it came close
It hit and I dropped

Well you see upon the
Train and I meeting
My heart collapsed
and soon stopped beating

That train was you
Darling have you caught on?
You hit and you left
And now my hearts gone

So if you see my heart
Or even a vein
Please never let it go
Never let it get on a train
552 · May 2014
You Are
Victoria Ruth May 2014
You are the rainbow
That comes after the rain
Shining so colorful
You take away my pain

You are also the rain
Cascading from the sky
And the umbrella held
Over to keep me dry

You are the clouds
Floating high above
By which the rain
Showers me with love

You are also the sun
Blinding me with light
Ever so radiant
A breathtaking sight

You are the moon
Shimmering your glow
And the gleaming stars
All aligned in a row

You are the world
Surrounding me tightly
You try to destroy me
But I reply politely

You are my heaven
Bringing me to peace
You are the love
That I cannot release.
You are everything, good or bad.
533 · Oct 2014
Why
Victoria Ruth Oct 2014
Why
You told me you loved my long hair
So I cut it so short I can’t stand it
You told me you loved my smile
So I stopped putting it on lately
You told me you loved my walk
And the way I was always relaxed
So I’ve been running everywhere
With no time to relax or breathe
You told me each thing you admired
And now I took them each away
Because if you’re not here anymore
And you don’t love these details
Then what’s the point in them?
Why should I love myself,
If you aren’t going to love me at all?
518 · Mar 2016
all I really want is you
Victoria Ruth Mar 2016
they gave me shots
of ***** & whiskey
left my stomach sick
and behavior risky

they gave me joints
hit the blunt & ****
made my thoughts race
all night long

they gave me pills
to help my depression
being happy again
became an obsession

they gave me liquor
they gave me beer
with each burning sip
I lost another fear

they gave me cough syrup
it made my body relax
put me full speed ahead
chasing a high to the max

they gave me a line
of white to my nose
made my body tingle
down to my toes

they gave me drugs
they gave me wine
they told me without you
that'd I'd be fine

they gave me hope
but it was all a lie
I needed your love
you never said goodbye

they gave me a bottle
of what, I wish I knew
I'm an addict at the least
but I'm addicted to you
504 · Sep 2014
silly me
Victoria Ruth Sep 2014
and then I realized
she makes you smile now
not me
all I'm good for
is making you cry
silly me
you found love in her
and lost the love
that you once felt
for me
454 · May 2014
2 AM
Victoria Ruth May 2014
I lay in bed listening to the rain
Falling against my windowpane
Soothing but still I cannot sleep
All I can do is think and weep

I wonder when did I get like this
Constantly thinking of those I miss
Worrying about how I’ll end up
Draining the coffee from my cup

It’s 2 AM now I think think think
Further into myself I sink
My bed is cold filled with tears
Feel like I’ve been awake for years

Insomnia has gotten the best if me
My eyes are open I can barley see
The world is fuzzy through my eyes
Each night another piece of me dies.
insomnia has the best of me
433 · Jul 2014
To see a scar
Victoria Ruth Jul 2014
He follows her eyes
Looking at her fist
But his eyes continue
Up to her wrist

He pauses a moment
Shortens his breath
As if the sight
Shocks him to death

There lie a cut
Upon her wrist
I see for him
It was a twist

I expected when
He saw the red
For him to ask
Why she had bled

But instead he
Closed his eyes
What he did next
Was my surprise

He reached over
Unclenched her hand
Pulled up her sleeve
“I don’t understand”

She took her hand
Pulled it away
“No one understands,
It’s just my way"

“But why you” he asks
why self harm?
the answer’s written
on her arm.

But she can't change
Why they are
Because it comforts
To see a scar.
422 · Aug 2014
Never
Victoria Ruth Aug 2014
Never had I imagined
that the feelings that
came along with him
coming back, would be
greater than those of when
he left.
386 · Oct 2015
Today
Victoria Ruth Oct 2015
storms don't last forever
but sometimes I need rain
to wash away my sins
and take away my pain
347 · Feb 2022
I found you in the forest
Victoria Ruth Feb 2022
loving someone with a mental illness is like falling in love with a deciduous tree. the tree remains still in the forest. it's always there but it's leaves are constantly changing. it's happy when it's leaves are a bright green, surging with energy, planning a trip, trying something new. when the leaves get tired they start to fall. turning from auburn to brown and feeling more and more useless the closer that they are to the ground. canceling the trip, losing energy, losing focus while laying there in the dirt. they can't get up. the branches are bare and it's cold. no matter how much love you show, it's leaves will not come back until just enough sunshine shines down. like sunlight through a crack in the window on a rainy day when they can't seem to get out of bed. eventually, buds will begin to form again. something beautiful wants to grow from all the love it has been given. in time it will blossom into something breathtakingly beautiful. so admirable that you can't take your eyes off of it. then you blink. and it all changes suddenly. the cold creeps back and everything you once loved is unrecognizable. you were like a deciduous tree...
262 · Oct 2021
Stuck on a moment
Victoria Ruth Oct 2021
our legs hooked like the chain you wore around your neck
bound tightly, sticky, magnificently stuck

your hand gripped my thigh until I turned a deep blue
wounded slightly, discolored, spontaneously struck
225 · Jan 2021
Why?
Victoria Ruth Jan 2021
Why
Do I fall in love with everyone I meet?
Who
Could just be a stranger on the street.
Why
Do I see the pain behind their eyes?
What
Could convince me I’m to advise?
Why
Do I feel I can help everyone grow?
When
It’s my own self I barely know.
Why
Do I fall in love with everyone I meet?
Why
Do flashed smiles skip my heartbeat?
Why
Do you have something I find sweet?
But
I feel so miserably incomplete?
Why
Oh
Why
Do I fall in love with everyone I meet?
197 · Nov 2020
2020
Victoria Ruth Nov 2020
The ball drops, it’s twelve o’clock
This a new year twenty-twenty
Pots and pans bang down the block
Celebrating new hopes for many
But shortly in, hope was crushed
When an outbreak came among us
To the hospital everyone rushed
About a new virus they made a fuss
What is this new virus you ask?
It’s called corona and it acts fast
We’re all told to wear a mask
And it seems that this too will last
That’s not all, there’s fires too
Australian woods are in flames
We think not much we all can do
And flip the channel to our games
What’s this? There has been a crash?
Kobe Bryant is down in his plane
The world is shocked, in a flash
They do all they can in his name
Next riots are sprung across cities
From the death of George Floyd
People chant all sorts of ditties
Meanwhile everything is destroyed
Shootings, explosions, and more fire
Twenty-twenty is spiraling down
Such little hope left to inspire
The people of your own town
A new president will carry hope
That we can turn this all around
All we have left to do is vote
And our lost year can be found
They say to prepare for the worst
But yet to hope for the best
Many believe this year is cursed
Twenty-twenty one, you’re up next

— The End —