Waking to greif,
I don't want this day without her.

How do I wash myself
Clean of the past that still
Clings to me and makes me
Doubt every action,
Censor every thought,
Freezes the flowing river of
Change into a dull,
Crystalline, still image.

In a dream,
I asked God… Have I had enough?
He laughed,
So I aint got no time to sleep,
Just time to think, drink and puke.

Not even my own pen my best friend could write me out of the pit I'm in
I'm like a sail without a healthy supply of wind
Within my head all that's there is dread
it's like now all of my heart is dead
I hate what I've become
I hate myself, once again from society I want to shun
I keep regretting not clipping myself with that loaded gun
It's like they said there's nothing really new under the sun

Not even my own heart can stop me from being like a cheap cell phone and falling apart
it's like every time I try I lose the motivation to start
I hate killing vibes but I had to get all of this of my twisted mind
they say the worst tears to fall are the tears of a clown
in that case all the laughs you see on my face tend to be followed by the most empty frown
All I've ever tried... something or someone knocks me down
Why should u even care about me I'm only another burden dead weight for the slaughter like a sheep without wool I've no value like ****** I'm just going to slow you down
don't forget me.... I'm not sure where I can go now

Distant, Detached, Unfriendly, Unapproachable, Unsympathetic, Withdrawn, Antisocial....

I keep my distance for fear of being hurt by those I let my walls down for.

I am detached from worldly possessions because they cause pain when lost.

I am unfriendly due to my inability to smile through the bad times.

I am unapproachable to those with judging eyes.

I am unsympathetic to those that have their needs met.

I am withdrawn so that no one can see my past.

I am antisocial due to my observant nature

I am aloof

"What's wrong?"
"I'm just tired."
I'm just tired of hating myself to the point of self-destruction.
I'm just tired of being in so much emotional pain that no sobs escape but gasps for air.
I'm just tired of having to hide under hoodies and long pants.
I'm just tired of drawing on myself with metal, losing my inner ink every time.
I'm just tired of not wanting to wake up the next day.
I'm just tired of not being able to sleep.
I'm just tired of the ****** noses and wilting hair.
I'm just tired of the stares and rumors.
I'm just tired of being too weak to stay.
I'm just tired of slow suicide.
" What's wrong?"
"I'm just tired."

We wait in line
We pretend to be brave
We start to climb
We dread the fall
We see the loop
We close our eyes
And then its over