juno: Poems

broken.

juno Aug 2019

broken.

you can’t fix anything that’s broken.
therefore
you can’t fix me

do you need love?
or do you need someone to hold?
you tell me.
i’m here for you.

inspired by the song “Broken” by Marina Lin! <3

broken.

juno Jun 2019

broken.

you don’t love me.
you lied to me.
why did you do that?
why did you play with my feelings?!
is it because i’m different?!
is it because i’m me?
i know.
it’s disgusting.
a trans freak loves you

butterflies

juno Apr 2022

butterflies

like butterflies,
my heart flutters.

like fireflies,
my heart lights up.

my love,
i adore you

444

camila.

juno Jun 2019

camila.

i can’t do anything correctly.
“stop cutting”
“promise me that you won’t cut”
i hear you, father, every time
that knife glides across my skin.
every time that knife digs in.
every time that knife pours out my feelings.
couldn’t i just disappear?
you wouldn’t be so stressed.
less money spent.
more fun.
no girls in the house.
guys night out.

it’s for you.

"cant you see?"

juno Aug 2019

"cant you see?"

i say pulling down my sleeves a bit further,

"im fine,"

my father,
surprised that i even had the guts to raise my voice.

"i'm FINE!"

he pushes me against the wall.
he looks at me with hatred,

yet i smile.

"what're you gonna do?"
"**** me?"

pushing me against the wall again out of anger

"**** me?"

shoving me into the wall,
hands on my neck.

"try me"

my friend walks in.
my father lets go.
my cold body falls onto the floor

"i knew you couldnt do it"

i whispered under my breath

'i know your ***** little secrets;

like you cutting yourself'

he whispers into my ear

i flinch

'this is why your ******* mother left us'

he shouts at me.
my friend shoves him away,
and he runs.

im all alone now
i have no family left
and i dont wanna move to canada.

a little scenario that played in my mind.
no worries.

dads not even home yet.

he's probably drinking again but-

its whatever

car rides

juno Dec 2020

car rides

constant shouting
from you
and her

constantly
flood
my
head.

sometimes
i
wish
that
you
would
just
get
along

#divorced

Cherry Blossoms.

juno Mar 2019

Cherry Blossoms.

Cherry Blossoms Fall
Like snow, they drift so gently
Spring is joining us.
The scent is overwhelming,
I enjoy it so,
Imagine the petals, falling,
Over your face,
The scent of spring is here today.

hmm...

#spring #cherryblossoms

ciao adios, im done

juno Jul 2019

ciao adios, im done

haha

haha

haha

haha

liar.

you don't.

stop lying.

bye-bye.

im done.

cold.

juno Jul 2019

cold.

just breathe.

it'll all be okay, love.

Cold Spring Morning

juno Mar 2019

Cold Spring Morning

spring had arrived
the birds chirp loudly
the sun rises, shining
it’s bright light on
the earth as the
children awaken
for their school day.
out the windows, i
see trees, regaining
their leaves and color.
spring has settled
flowers blooming,
showing off their
beautiful colors
and scents

spring time?

#spring #school #children #nature

come to the land of the lost and lonely.

juno Jul 2019

come to the land of the lost and lonely.

freaks by jordan clarke

cravings

juno Mar 21

cravings

i crave your scent and how so heavenly it is.

i crave your touch as it’s the safest thing i’ve ever felt

i crave hearing you voice and it’s melodic tone

i crave you

and everything about you

mine forever

crawling

juno Sep 2023

crawling

i crawl
back

for support
for closure
to remember

crossing borders

juno Jan 2021

crossing borders

me
and
you.

meeting ?

crying.

juno Jul 2019

crying.

its okay to cry.

but sometimes i cant,
sometimes you put me under so much pressure

and i skip the crying.
i skip to the panic attacks.

sometimes i skip the panic attacks.

i skip to the mental breakdowns.

and then i pass out.

crying over you

juno Feb 2020

crying over you

i don’t know how to stop.

i don’t even know how it started

“dad”

juno Mar 12

“dad”

every day i am so disappointed
in who
i call my father.

you scream and yell
and destroy the home around you

and then act like it never happened.

you scream and yell
and destroy me

and then act like it never happened.

you joke and joke about
never wanting me
and how i am nothing
worth nothing
not able to love

and then act like it never happened.

i am ashamed to call you my father
because you are not
my father.

you are merely some boy,
man child,
who i live with
and tolerate
because when you
are supposed to be my father
act like one
pretend

you destroy me.
and everything that builds me up.

daddy why don’t you love me?

dancing in the dark, crying my eyes out, trying to forget you

juno Feb 2020

dancing in the dark, crying my eyes out, trying to forget you

the silly silly ways i plan on forgetting you and your toxic personality towards me and my friends

#toxic #forget #forgotten #leave #dark #night #dancing

Dark

juno Mar 2019

Dark

i sit in the dark
im crying because no one is here
i am alone
am i okay?
am i happy?
am i really normal?
or am i just lying to myself?

just a lil vent i started yesterday

#mentalhealth #happy #feelings #emotions

defenestration.

juno Jul 2019

defenestration.

the act of throwing someone out the window.

definitely invisible

juno Feb 2020

definitely invisible

*******

we had plans and she ruined it

desire

juno Sep 10

desire

wishing and begging and praying will do nothing all you do is want and want and want

desperately.

juno Sep 2023

desperately.

oh how i love you,
want you,
desire you.

what if
i **** it
all up
again?

only god knows
you are
already
starting to
hate me.

i get it.
i
hate
me
too.

desperation

juno Mar 8

desperation

i feel like a **** in a field full of flowers.

oh how i wish to be beautiful,
to be loved,
to be chosen;
chosen first.

i wish to be the one who stands out,
well liked,
noticed,
with many friends.

i wish to be looked up to,
idolized, but not
too much,
like a mentor,
or someone that can be trusted.

i wish
to be wanted.

i wish
to be loved.

i wish
to be cared for.

i wish
i wish
i wish

to be you.

died at age 16 in front of * high school

juno Feb 2020

died at age 16 in front of * high school

school student found dead after friend dies in front of school

they say he committed suicide after he found out that his friend, actually died in front of the school as she’s been saying for years.

he said they wished to run an orphanage

wished to live together with their friends

truly a sad death between two friends

a note to self to when i **** myself after finding out she died

disappear

juno Nov 2020

disappear

please,
**** me.

i cant take it anymore.

giving
up
is
okay
sometimes

disappear by demxntia

juno Jul 2019

disappear by demxntia

i couldnt even cry if i wanted to

do you?

juno Sep 17

do you?

drunk texting at 1:47am

juno Mar 2020

drunk texting at 1:47am

i just wanna g o ** me and feeeeeeeeeeel safe yknoq/>/>??

Easter

juno Mar 2019

Easter

welcome to spring
the pastels are
seen everywhere
adults cheer up
the children while
dressing up as white rabbits.
some don’t even
feel that love at home
so they enjoy this
holiday of
chocolate candies,
sugary candies,
and happiness
when they can.
they take their woven baskets,
ready for running on
the grass and
finding plastic
egg shells
filled with goodies.
people don’t even
think about easter
as such a holiday,
some think of it as
a fun day for
sweets and running.
do some people really
miss out on such
activities to hide
the scars they wear
on their body?

sorry, just a thought

#easter #sweets #fun #spring #care #possibilities

Entshuldigung.

juno Jul 2019

Entshuldigung.

Ja, ich habe Fehler gemacht.
Ja, ich habe Dinge getan, die ich nicht hätte tun sollen.
Liebst du mich?

Verstehst du mich??

Nein.

Das macht man nicht

Danke.

Bitte nur-
Lieb mich.
Kümmere dich um mich.
Gib mir das Gefühl, zumindest jemand zu sein.

Denn gerade jetzt,

Ich fühle mich wie ein Niemand.

Ich bin niemand

google translate for most of it

every day is getting harder to get through

juno Jan 13

every day is getting harder to get through

excuses

juno May 2020

excuses

i say i’m not hungry during the day

to only feed myself so much to the point where i feel sick late at night

i try stopping but the demon keeps saying “keep eating.”

i try eating during the day,

it’s like it flipped a switch

because then the demon says “stop eating you ******”

so who do i believe?

i believe whoever is there at the time

so keep eating until you ******* throw everything up you fat *** *****

excuses - vent

juno Jan 2020

excuses - vent

i feel as if you’re making excuses

“i don’t really want to be in relationships right now...”

you’re dating our friend.

“i can’t hang out today, i have a project with my gf, lessons,and i’m getting a hair cut”

okay valid but if you had all these things then why? why did you spend all your time texting the group chat i’m in? all morning.

we already planned to hang out over the weekend before the weekend started,

now i have to deal with you all giddy and **** when you’re with her.

at this point it’s better off if i don’t wanna be friends. you won’t let me and neither with my heart. 8 years and it’s slowly dying of your dumb excuses and girlfriend. when i was dating her, i still made time for you. i hung out with her. at school, saw her outside of school for a while but i still has sleep overs with you. hung out with you. went to your parties.

i don’t wanna go to any of them because now i’ll just be a third wheel.

i hate that **** relationship so much.

exercise.

juno Jul 2019

exercise.

"you're getting fat, you need to start exercising."

exes.

juno Feb 2020

exes.

i dont care if we're exes. we can still be friends but if u pull out that toxic **** we're over ✌✌

eyes

juno Sep 2023

eyes

i see you
glaring
with your hateful eyes,

can't get enough of me?

my life
is none of your
business.

eyes

juno Nov 2020

eyes

look at me with your pretty eyes,

i love looking into them,

your eyes say so much,

so many words

that arent said

look at me more :)

family

juno May 2021

family

chosen family or birth family?

abuse

or

people who will leave you?

who am i kidding?

everyone is going to leave me.

father

juno May 24

father

every day you remind me
how i can’t rely on you for anything

how much you hate me and wish
i never existed

how much i’ve ruined your life
since you made me

you are not my father

feelings.

juno May 2019

feelings.

are my feelings a joke to you?
do my feelings matter?
they're stupid.
i don't need feelings.
feelings drag people down.
emotions are useless.
emotions take up too much time.

feelings 2

juno May 2019

feelings 2

i just cried for 15 minutes
i don’t feel anything but pain
it hurts so much
i just wanna ******* end it
i just wanna die

it’s been 30 minutes now
over the past 30 minutes
i’ve been thinking of ways to **** my self without making a noise

feeling sick again

juno Feb 2020

feeling sick again

i don’t like this feeling
i feel as if i’m gonna throw up
feel like i’m gonna cry
sob
scream in pain.

it’s not fun.

but it’s fine because you don’t want to tell me your feelings so i won’t tell you mine.

i know you’ll probably see this but

whatever.

i just want to know how youre feeling

fight.

juno Aug 2019

fight.

i was on roblox around 30 minutes ago.

these girls were being ****** as ****.

so i called them out.

got in an online fight,

had to leave and calm down from laughing too much

Finland

juno Nov 2019

Finland

I'm here now. Liz what's the address

flight.

juno Jul 2019

flight.

im about to fly from japan to sweden.

see you soon lizzie <33

forever

juno Feb 2022

forever

the hours we spend together
are simply
not enough
they never are
.
so believe me when i say,
forever is a long time

but i wouldnt mind

spending forever

with you
.
.

~ there's nothing like doing nothing with you

#444

forever

juno Apr 2022

forever

nothing is forever,
but god,
i can't help but wish we are.

as
stars.

444

forgiveness

juno Dec 2020

forgiveness