In the real world
you don't walk unexpectedly
around a corner
and say hi
and make smiles rise,
instead boring practicality
keeps us apart,
yawning gaps
on the map.
But miles don't stop smiles
rising
in a place
in a space
between us.

I thought,
Maybe I only wrote when I was in love.
But you see,
I still am.
It's just now he's gone,
And I can't seem to find those beautiful words anymore.

Moments in life that jab hearts
And make you forget all the bad parts
Short, but potent enough to leave a permanent stain on your memory
Unsexual Intimacy
That tickles both spirits
Forever wishing you could relive it
Your simple presence
The memory and feelings are the only remnants
Inexplicable intenseness

as i walk through the empty hallways
i fix my gaze on the worn floor
each footstep is heavy
and drags across the hardwood
the movements have become involuntary
a product of repetitiveness
not passion
i cannot raise my eyes to the photographs hanging on the wall
these black and white remnants
of what seems to be a life of mine
lived so long ago
that I cannot recall the details

but I remember
I remember the girl
who grew up learning hatred
so ashamed of what had been given to her
and so afraid of a life untouched
I wanted so desperately to give her the world
but she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I remember the boy
with wild black hair and a voice like honey
who told me everything I thought I wanted to hear
who pulled me in so quickly
but I drew away with little pause
and so I left him
because I am just a girl and cannot give you the world

I remember the boy
who I watched settle for anything
and everything that crossed his path
wondering if I too
was just a commodity
if his plans of seeing me in a white dress
were fixated on the dress
or the soul wearing it
so he destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember the girl
who loved everything too much
who looked at me with wonderstruck eyes
and convinced me that I could be so much more
but the skies are never clear for long
and as the dark clouds rolled in
I learned that she hated the rain
as I watched her run inside
to someone new
as I stood amidst the raging storm
while she destroyed my heart
and left it black and blue

and I remember
I still remember the boy
who looked me expecting nothing
except me
the smoke envelopes me
whistling my name
and I move in closer
closer to this warmth
this all consuming
all encompassing fire
but I am scared
I am so scared of the thought of burning out
or becoming engulfed
only to discover
that these flames are not what I want
so I run
I run far away
to safe
monotonous
empty "love"

and as I watched him fall in love under the autumn leaves
tending my scorched soul
dragging my feet along these empty hallways
realizing I destroyed my own heart
and I left it black and blue

Has this ever happened to you?
Strange that it happened to me...
I came across a stranger I never thought I'd meet.
Stranger has a journal
Stranger let me read
And inside of those pages seemed every word was written to me.
Yet I had never met this soul a second of my life.
Seems they have written  a response to my every move over time,
Wrong or right,
Stranger knows me.
Stranger apparently not,
Journal showed me...
What do I do now?
With this feeling I have for them?
If I carry it out I'll surely lose again.
There's a pattern in that journal
I make the same mistake that hurts me
So naive I just fall free into anybody's arms who I seem open up,
And when they close and I hit the ground and I break I want to give up.

Stranger told me

Stranger knows me

No need to think inside.

"I already know things, you dont have to hide, I wrote everything. I know your kind".

Feels like 3 days but its only been one.

Feels like my place in darkness is done.
Feel like my face is finally enough and my ways are actually going up.


I know better
Its too good to be true.
It didn't happen to me
Maybe it'll happen to you.

Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed in the morning
You know anything can change
You know what is to come
You see what is to be
You already feel the pain
So you turn over as time is still ticking away
In hopes maybe a dream of two can help you stay
In hopes anything can keep you
From facing the reality of today
The fear sets in for tomorrow
You ask God for an answered prayer to borrow
And soon that day has come
You got up and stepped out
And now that day is done
And here you lay once again
Tucked deep in that emotional fear
Because just like that
Today became yesterday
And tomorrow is already here
There is no control of what will be
You can't put a time on tragedy
You can't hide from grief
You can't live on the notion you know it will happen
Don't let death be a thief

Take the sun from the rain
Use wisely the time you've been given
Because there's nothing worse than waking up in the morning
And being afraid of livin'