nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my thoughts are loud
I'm thinking of you
I'm thinking of what I could have had
I'm thinking about everything I said wrong
everything I did to hurt you
nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my heart is barely beating
I'm losing my happiness
rather what little happiness I had to begin with
my lungs are barely breathing
I'm losing my sanity
rather what little sanity I had to begin with
nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my life is slowly fading
and the bottle is emptying
my light is flickering, slowly diminishing
nights are the hardest
nights are when I want to sleep and not wake up
nights are the hardest
especially since I don't have you
nights are the hardest
because tomorrow means you won't be there
nights are the ******* hardest to endure
because I'll be without you
and I can't be without you for much longer
nights are the hardest
nights are the ******* hardest to endure
but tonight is the last
tonight will end
and so will the pain
for me morning will never come
and that's okay
morning without you is not worth it
nights are the hardest
but thankfully tonight is the last

I'm sober
for once
and it feels
foreign
I'm sober
and for once
I feel sad
I feel alone
intoxication keeps me happy
intoxication keeps me sane
intoxication keeps me alive
sobriety makes me feel real
sobriety kills me
sobriety kills me because I can hear my demons
I can hear the voices
I can feel the sadness

I'm sober
for once
and it feels
terrible
I'm sober
and I need a drink
I need a pill
I need a needle
I need anything
I need to feel
no, wait
I need to not feel
I need to not feel real
I need to not feel human
I need to feel happiness
and an amber liquid
a small white pill
can bring me to happiness
maybe even put me to sleep
so I'll finally be free
from sobriety
from sadness
from life
from me

he loves me...
he says beautiful words
he tells beautiful stories
he looks at me with adoration,
or
at least
it seems that way...
he loves me not...
he doesn't always remember me
he doesn't always acknowledge me
he doesn't always keep his promises
yet
it seems like
he loves me...
because his bright smile shines when he sees me
because his eyes shimmer when he sees me
because he told me he loves me
but
words
don't mean anything
right?
he loves me not...
because he hurt me
because he scarred me
because he told me he hates me
yet
words
don't mean anything
right?

the room is quiet
my thoughts are loud
i see shadows
i see demons
i see my future in the ground
the rope is tied
the gun is loaded
i see the end
i see death
im shattered and broken
death is a friend
i am not scared
death is near
death is good
no one really cared
the room is cold
my thoughts are quiet
im at the end
im with death
how else could i have fixed it?