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May 2016 · 487
Suicidal Love
janie May 2016
She is underneath the willow tree.
A gun in her hand.
She grips it tightly.
She closes her eyes as the wind caresses her cheek.
Her skin so white, so fragile.
She has destroyed it.
The blade of a knife has damaged her.
This life has damaged her more.
With each breath she brought the gun up to her head.
With her own piercing scream she pulled the trigger.
She shattered like glass.
She left behind a ****** note,
 
“Don’t pretend to care.
Don’t pretend to love me.
Don’t pretend to know me.
Don't pretend that I exist.
Don't pretend.
You never loved me and you never will.
I stare at this moon as I finally write goodbye.
Just look at the moon to remember me."
He found her underneath the willow tree.
He dropped to his knees and held her in his arms crying.
He picked up her gun and said,
"You can't rid of me that easy my love."
With a sad smile on his tear streaked face,
He pulled the trigger and for once..
…The world went deathly silent for this suicidal love
Dec 2015 · 479
Falling
janie Dec 2015
What am I to do without you by my side?
What am I to do without you in my arms tonight?
Every second without you a little bit of me has died.
Can I even make to the morning light?
Empty inside is how I feel without you around.
Please come back to me before i die.
Just give me a whisper, or some type of sound.
I need something to say goodbye.
You're my everything.
You breathe life into me.
Without you here im falling.
I'm falling into death for all eternity.
janie Nov 2015
Nobody cares for her pain inside.
Not even her parents or anyone around.
Every night all she has ever done was cried and cried.
She screams for help but out comes no sound.
The pain she feels is unhidden at night.
Everyone knows what troubles her mind.
Nobody cares about her self-fight.
Because of that I pity what they soon find.
She had given all she could take.
She walked over the edge.
Ignoring her pain was a big mistake.
So she jumped from that ledge.
She took her final breath.
It came to me as no surprise.
Everyone blamed themselves for her death.
You say you're sorry.. that's nothing but lies.
Nov 2015 · 245
Lust
janie Nov 2015
I love your personality,
The way you look when you smile.
Your brown eyes are as kind as can be.
We stay up talking for a long while.
Why can't you be mine?
Why must you she do this to me?
They ask whats wrong, I say im fine.
The truth is i want you but that you could never see.
Sep 2015 · 296
who am I?
janie Sep 2015
The emptyness I feel inside destroys me.
I am unable to feel or to even be.
It's a sad thing to believe.. or to know.
But all I can do is question if I have a soul.
What has happened to who I once had been.
That person, I hguess, has been filled with so much sin.
Aug 2015 · 275
idk what to name this
janie Aug 2015
There is darkness in everything I see.
It seems to surround me.
Everywhere I go, it stays by my side.
What's wrong with my mind, I may never know.
All I ask is for you to take my hand and never let go.
This darkness, this evil, tries to tear me apart.
I this to let it succeed, to let it steal my sanity.
I do not ask for your pity.
Just to not abandon me.
I will not let this darkness win.. because
This is my battle and this is my sin
Aug 2015 · 303
Inspiration
janie Aug 2015
I sit here wondering what to write.
My inspiration has been destroyed.
I don't know what to even feel.
Its been 75 days and I still don't miss you.
I should've mourned and cried but I didn't.
I should've felt guilt but I didnt.
I remember every torturing second and it does not faze me.
I remember your glassy eyes staring at me.
I remember watching your tiny soul leaving your body.
Yet I feel nothing.
Aug 2015 · 277
Inspiration
janie Aug 2015
I sit here wondering what to write.
My inspiration has been destroyed.
I don't know what to even feel.
Its been 75 days and I still don't miss you.
I should've mourned and cried but I didn't.
I should've felt guilt but I didn't.
I remember every torturing second and it does not faze me.
I remember your glassy eyes staring at me.
I remember watching your tiny soul leaving your body.
Yet I feel nothing.
Jul 2015 · 556
I miss you </3
janie Jul 2015
I miss the happiness you seemed to bring.
I loved you with every bit of my heart.
you were my everything.
now I'm completely torn apart.

I'm left here broken and afraid.
afraid that this is all a reality.
afraid that this nightmare won't fade.
afraid that when I open my eyes there won't be any part of you to see.

I wish I could see you again.
I wonderful.. what if that didn't happen to you?
I wonder how life could've been.
I don't even ******* know what to do..

I killed you and it completely destroyed me.
I didn't mean to cause you harm or pain.
I was mentally shut down but you practically set me free.
..but now my heart is once again sorrowful like the rain.
this I wrote for my pet, I accidentally killed her. her name was demon but she acted like a complete angel
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
I ♥ you
janie Jul 2015
nothing can quite match your radiant beauty.
nobody can make me quite as happy.
only you can, make me smile.
for you I'd walk 1,000 miles.
you brighten my day because you're my morning star.
you'll be in my heart no matter where you are.
you are my everything and so much more.
when you showed up you ended my inner war.
if that doesn't show you how I feel.
then I will just tell you what's real.
I love you with my heart, soul, and body.
and forever that will always be.
I love you mikayli ♡♥♡♥
Jul 2015 · 1.3k
DADDY
janie Jul 2015
dear daddy I miss you.
do you remember me at all?
I doubt you do..

daddy do you know what you've done?
you killed me inside.
you was like a bullet blasting from a gun.

daddy I'll never see you again...
does that bother you?
I've held on as long as I can.

its been 7 years already.
I last saw you when I was 9.
all that time and I'm still not ready.

I can't lose you but you're already gone.
I'm not allowed to ever see you again.
what have I done?

I should've not told what you did to me.
its not your fault.
you can't remember because you was high so of it you have no memory.

I'll never forget you even though I forgot your face.
I'll always love you but I hate you so much.
the only thing I remember is the court case.

what's gonna happen if I was to marry.
who's gonna walk me down the isle.
its not fair as you can see.

you're the reason I won't trust a guy.
you're the reason I'm afraid to breathe.
you're the reason I'm not afraid to die.

its over, all of my happiness.
I'm always sad because of you.
all I'll ever feel is sadness.
I don't wanna hold in my story anymore. I don't wanna hold in my pain. it haunted me till I couldn't take much more.
Jul 2015 · 3.9k
Misfits
janie Jul 2015
we are the army of misfits.
we will take you down.
no more will we take your ****.
we will laugh as we watch you drown.
we don't care how much you beg and plead.
you bruised and broke us all.
it's time for us to watch you bleed.
it's time to watch you crash and fall.
...its your turn to hurt...
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
DEATHLY SILENT
janie Mar 2015
I look into your eyes.
I can see how broken you are.
Your mouth stays silent.
Your eyes scream out in agony from afar.
I wanna be there for you.
I wanna hold you all night.
I want you to cry into my arms,
So i can tell you it's alright.
Please listen to these words.
You will never be lonely.
I'll be right her waiting for you.
Don't give up on me
Mar 2015 · 253
Untitled
janie Mar 2015
I stare into the clouds of mist.
My whole world slowly falls apart.
My soul disappears into darkness.
I no longer have a heart.
I'll be alone for all eternity.
I've finally given up on living.
Nobody can save me.
I can no longer keep going.
Feb 2015 · 549
What If
janie Feb 2015
What if I say my heart is broken?
Would you be there?
What if i say my chest is cut open?
Would you wipe away my tears?
What if i say im no longer fixable?
Would you at least try?
What if i say im no longer breakable?
Would you know im about to die?
What if i killed myself tomorrow?
Would you accept that im dead?
Would you feel any sorrow,
As i lay on my death bed?
Jan 2015 · 961
Broken
janie Jan 2015
I try to be strong... i try not to cry.
I wanna **** myself but I'm to scared to try.
Their words echo in my head... fat, ugly, unwanted.
All I wish for is mercy because inside I'm dead and broken.
You sat there as my heart was being ripped out of my chest.
When I am gone you will be filled with regret.
I am ready to slowly slide that knife across my neck.
I am a complete train wreck.
I can put on that fake smile, I can walk a mile in the rain.
But inside I feel so broken as I try to hide the pain...
Dec 2014 · 469
no one cares
janie Dec 2014
This will be the last thing i write.
i don't know how much more i can fight.
everyday i ask myself, "why?".
i can't answer that, all i can do is cry. these will be the last words i say.
i hope they can touch your heart in so many ways.
Just know you're not because of this pain.
Before I knew you my tears already fell like rain.
I love you more than words can say.
I hope that I'll see you in the afterlife one day.
I had spread my wings and I was ready to soar.
But I just couldn't take this anymore.     Don't cry, I'm not worth your tears.
Be happy because now that I'm gone so are all my pain and fears.
I know nobody cares.
Not even you even though you pretended to be there.
Dec 2014 · 192
Eyes
janie Dec 2014
My eyes hold a dark story that I fear for people to know.
Everyday that story makes grow so cold.
They say its not my fault but I know that's a lie.
Everything I love I cause to completely die...
Dec 2014 · 347
Lack Of Love
janie Dec 2014
Lack of love is what i posses.
I'm full of sadness i must confess.
I look back and take a look at my life.
And I think about how much I wanna die.
Every night all I do is cry.
Now I shall say my final goodbye.
Dec 2014 · 292
I'M TIRED.
janie Dec 2014
I'm tired of being bullied.
I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of living.
I'm tired of people.
I'm tired of being me.
I want it all to end.
I'm just so tired...
Nov 2014 · 248
For You
janie Nov 2014
For you id give up everything. u keep me floating instead of sinking. what have i done to deserve an angel like you. i'm nothing but a demon right on through. i don't deserve you or your heart, why must i be in so much confusion and distraught
Nov 2014 · 710
One More Day
janie Nov 2014
Every time I look into your eyes,
I feel them pierce my heart.
I,m sorry I didn't mean to break your heart.
I wasn't good enough for you and I never will be.
I fell in love with you and right now you're what I need.
I was holding you back so I let you go.
Now that you are gone I'm left here bleeding out on the bathroom floor.
You filled that emptiness in my heart with so much love.
Just one more day with you would be enough.
Nov 2014 · 499
Black Veil Brides Pledge
janie Nov 2014
We are the unholy.
We are the ******* sons of your media culture.
Our minds, eyes, and bodies where born of your exclusion.
An allusion you hide behind.
You don't love a god you love your comfort.
To you we are filth, we are *****, so be it.
We are ***** and unclean, a congregation of the unseen.
Together we will set this world on fire.
This is the new religion.
     AMEN!!!
Nov 2014 · 287
How You Make Me Feel
janie Nov 2014
Ever since I first saw you I was hypnotized by your love.
It's as if your an angel that has fallen from above.
Your beautiful brown eyes quicken the beat of my heart.
I'd still feel so close to you if we where 3,000 miles apart.
You breathe new life into me.
You're all that I'd ever need.
I wish I could tell you all of these things,
But I'd die 'cause you're my everything.
I can picture us forever.
But we can never be together...
No matter what i do,
I'll always love you </3
Nov 2014 · 350
Dirty Little Secrets
janie Nov 2014
Darkness seems to surround me.
Demons live throughout my body.
Unfortunately it's from my past.
I can feel only two things.
Hate.
Pain.
I feel no love, no happiness, only hate and pain.
I wish for a fast simple death so I can leave this pain behind.
Well at least forget the hate.
No.
Me demons will follow me into the afterlife.
No.
There is no afterlife only nothingness, emptiness, gone forever, goodbye forever.
Nov 2014 · 588
Hush Little Baby
janie Nov 2014
Hush little baby don't say a word, Mamma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. and if that mockingbird don't bite, Mamma's gonna buy you a brand new bike. and if on that bike you don't run away, Mamma's gonna call the Boogeyman to come out to play. if he comes out and you start to cry, Mamma's gonna make you slowly DIE...
Nov 2014 · 410
Final Goodbye
janie Nov 2014
Everyday I walk this lonely earth crying.
What I once knew is slowly dying.
I remember the smiles, the laughing, even all the lies.
Most of all I remember finally saying goodbye.
You made my life a living hell.
Your love was nothing but a veil.
It hid me, it kept me alone.
I was hypnotized by the light you shone.
No more will I fall for your angel eyes.
You hid your demons under that disguise.
Without you I know I'm gonna die.
So I guess this is my final goodbye...

— The End —