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Oct 17 · 713
16 October 2024
undefined Oct 17
Ocean swells and cracks
Pushing foamy white lines
Higher and higher
Onto sand

Moon, so full
And unbelievably bright
Glows steady and far
This clear blue night
Sleeping on the beach tonight  😉
Sep 15 · 37
Untitled
undefined Sep 15
The burden of love
The burden I love
The comfort,
when disheartening discomfort
needs to be made

clear again


The salve that comes
To sooth my soul when
Fear & doubts
trickle out
And Communication

is met


My love is not easy, not much good is
But I'd never dream of you taking away, in hopes of unburdening me,
the opportunity to listen
and love you

through the pain.
Jul 3 · 419
Lose UR Number
undefined Jul 3
i wish that i could lose your number,
wish i didn't know you exist.
if i could just lose your number,
maybe i'd never have to feel like this.

if i didn't know that you love me,
i might not be feeling so sad.
and when you say things to hurt me,
i could walk away and never look back.

So, I wish I could just lose UR Number,
Wish I didn't know you exist...
And if I could just lose ur Number,
I Wouldn't have ta Feel  like this.
song write today
Jun 1 · 294
paradise penance
undefined Jun 1
Time is an enemy
when surrounded by water on an island.

A week can take a year ,
passing like hour glass sand.

A song is written in a moment
like it was Yesterday

All reasons to stay.           ...drift away ,

Paying penance to a paradise sentence
    dosent buy your way.
Jun 1 · 67
Letting go
undefined Jun 1
I had a dream I was swimming
farther & farther out from shore.
Turning,  I lost sight of you
feeling it hard not to care anymore.

Going farther & farther thinking "This
will be how I conquer my fear."
Choking on salt water
swallowing tears.
May be snorkeling a lot lately
May 29 · 63
Open water daydream
undefined May 29
Waves crash white cresting foam that slaps the shore, cold at first as I wander out to explore,  fins on feet and snorkel out toward the break, where I find a nice flat rock to sit in the sun and bake.

Children play with their mother on the beach,  ocean life swims under and all around me,
   I gaze out over an open water
                                           daydream.
New hobbies
May 15 · 261
Train yards to airports
undefined May 15
The less romantic side
but majority of the time
sleeping uncomfortably &
keeping on all your ****

Wasting money often
on food that's no good
all of it really just
gas station garbage

But,
making the miles needed
(cheap)
& quick  .
Just seeing connections. The real life of freight hopping US travel up to this year, and my current real life spent traveling Europe mostly by middle of the night plane rides.
Apr 23 · 84
Road to Paris
undefined Apr 23
I have one week to make it back to Paris and meet Rayne at the airport.

Goodbye magnolia trees and Margaret the cat, I'm out the door early and into town for coffee and to figure out what direction to move in next. "Toodalure San Fargeau" I hope sometime to pass back through. After freshly ground coffee, an orange juice,  some homemade yogurt,  cigarette,  and a piece of alvacado toast, I head out of town in what I believe is soo (south). Stopping only to snap pictures of a castle and a church, seen yesterday.

The next town down, I pas a cemetery and a veterans memorial,  but no restaurants, or even a post office.  There are a lot of these little residential villages from what I've seen all over France. On my way through the village after that, I stop to check my map, and see that even if no one picks me up on the road, I should be able to make it to a place with water and perhaps food within the next 2 hours, there's a large community another couple villages away.

A younger guy pulls over to a stop in front of me and says, "You look as if you could use a ride," I climb in what looks like a work van that has been outfitted to sleep or live in for short periods of time on the road. William is a carpenter by trade who has recently broken up with a girlfriend, and is getting pretty sick of his boss. He's headed west to spend a week of vacation time with a girl there, and to decide if he ever wants to go back to his job again. He's also a pretty good guitarist and a new fan of bluegrass.  We stop at the next town and I spend my last few euros to get us coffee and hear him play. Afterwards, I decide to continue our conversation as far as he's going so, my new direction is now west. Closer to major transit anyway, and still in route to collect my friend in the city at the end of the week. (All trains go to paris)

Dropped off in the city of Rennes, (pronounced more like "wren"), it's a collage town similar to where I'm from only with a river running through it, a slightly better transit system,  and a few more boulangeries than Denton. Rennes is a city rich with midevil history, some of the first tournaments began with knights there. But 11th century walls renovated by 13th century lords, restored again by architects, masons, and builders of the 15th century,  is fast becoming victim of 21st century "could give a **** less" newbloods. I decide to stay for the night so, I look for a place to play. The first person I meet is named Francis, he is headed to a cafe/bar for "english speaking night" there. I go with him, but he skips hanging out with the group inside and instead just chats with me for a bit. He has been to India where I am going and he's an English teacher so, we have good conversation,  and I learn a little bit of "le france" too.

As the night goes on, drunk kids who've just finished exams flood the streets, and though there are many great interactions, compliments on my singing, and everyone is having a good time, I only make pennies. And after phoning to check in with Mom, and checking to see how Rayne is doing, a drunk local woman shows me to a spot where I can crash for the night.

The next morning, after making only .70cent dealing with drunk students last night, and fussing with homebums this morning,  I decide to take off and see Brittany's other city, Saint Malo, on the coast. I make camp next to the motorway and slept in a bit late, but found a ride about half way there, deciding to stop en route to see a little town where every single building was sourced from the granite quarry there. I walked about a kilometer into th town when I found a pub and it began to rain. The frequent rain in Brittany makes the countryside lush and green, like much of the south I've seen so far, accept here, there are more hills and coastline landscape much more similar to Oregon or Washington,  in the states.

Tim has been a local here for 18 years, moving here from England after meeting his wife, she's the lady behind the bar who laughed at my sign, (on my pack it says, "apprends-moi le français, s'il te plait"). He says that when he met his wife, he was forty (something) and she was 18. They're both good company,  and after a couple songs and a bier, I am invited to supper with them. (Duck).  

Tim gives me a lift the rest of the way to Saint Malo. Through the gates of "cite' corsair" to the wall facing the Atlantic... Atop it, I am 5 thousand miles from anyone or anything I have ever really known, with 6 'roes to my name, the closest I will be to the US for the rest of this adventure, and I'm looking out over one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen in my life.

Two cafes' later I met Arthur, he tends bar but it's his night off, he wants to write, play music, and go watch the sun go to sleep from the beach. "Ye' are mot!" That's how you "cheers" in San Malo. I have a few drinks, Arthur's treat, and we're watching "coucher de Soleir."

The next morning it's time for me to leave "pirate city," and continue finding my way to meet up with Rayne. Cafe, cquesant, found a couple euroes somewhere, mail a postcard off, and I'm walking country roads again in no time.

I leave the ocean coast a walk for several days through yellow fields that feel to me like I'm strolling through an oil painting, forests where I camp by streams of running water and wake up to snow on the ground, passing 600 year old places lost in time, walls and stone structures reclaimed by nature and covered with moss and ivy, everything dating hundreds of years older than anything that still stands in my country. As I reach a road at the edge of the next town, a woman pulls over and asks if there is anything she can do for me. I am tired from sleeping on the ground and days of walking, I'm out of food, water, money, and haven't passed anywhere to play music since leaving Saint Malo. I tell her that I would take a lift into town for water, if she is offering.  

She takes me to a cafe for coffee, trys to phone a place to see if I can play music there, buys me a sandwich, some bread for later, pastries at the boulangerie, then drives me to the otherside of town and leaves me with 20 euros in my pocket. Time spent with her was brief, so brief that I never got her name, but she spoke of how fortunate she has been in her life to live long enough to have things and be able to to help. Speaking momentarily on budist and stoek philosophies saying, "Now, is the gift we are given to do what we can with. The goal to being pressent now, is to Not Worry. And to use the 'now,' you ask, what can I do?.. If nothing, then No Worry. If something,  then you do it so, No Worry."

I walked for a little ways and fot a short ride that took the confusion away from my directional questioning for the remainder or this trip. . . Walking along "Rue de Paris."

Many more miles to go still, and it's getting cold out again, but my needs have been met, I have a positive mental attitude,  and all I have to do now is walk .






Stop Auto... (preview)

I do wish that I knew a bit more of the language still, I am learning, but I still feel like somewhat of a disappointment when hitching a ride and found not to be as good conversational company as most hoped. Still, hitchhiking is pretty easy in France, and after factoring my pace walking thus far with the amount of time I have before Rayne lands in the city, I decide not to risk coming up short of meeting her there, and to just hitch the motorway for the last 300km or so. I stood at a roundabout for a few minutes with my thumb out and got a ride most of the way to where I needed to be, the toll booth entry for the motorway headed nord.

Honks and waves, and smiles (probably at my hat and guitar) accompany my short walk there. It only takes a few minutes and I get a ride to the outskirts of Le Mans where I have to change highways. I hopped out of a car, and straight into an argument with law enforcement about being on the wrong side of the toll booth. I go find cardboard and make up a sign that reads "Paris," and in route back to the proper road, a man yells at me and tells me that he will get off work at 7pm and can give me a ride to Paris then. So, I sit down at the McDonald's and read for the rest of the day.

Stephen turns out to be a pretty stand up guy too, and although he's not supposed to have anyone else in his "boss' car" that is just for travel to and from his work, he lives 20 minutes from Paris and I ride with him 2 hours all the way, and he drops me off downtown.
This is a very rough draft for a kind of "teaser" that I'm going to work up for the book I am writing . I will finish it after the summer is over , but here is a very small part of a story in it.

Please excuse terrors, it hasn't been read or checked by anyone yet (aside from you now 😉)
Oh and I wrote it out on my phone and grabbed wifi here for a sec just so someone can give it a read
Thanks
Feb 27 · 70
Untitled
undefined Feb 27
For those long days far away
Just wondering how you are
For the lonely nights lying awake thinking of you and counting stars.

...for the times when it hurts
to have to move on.
AND for the sweet sweet memories
of you in my arms.


For all the good times
and bad breaks
When I made you smile and
all the cute dates.

All the love i have inside
That's now gonna waste

...and for every heart
    That has to break.
Feb 1 · 137
Staying on guard
undefined Feb 1
A memory remains
Breeding pains
Feeling cheap
Sliding down drains
               and abandoned in the street
It's scars my heart
And makes it weak
Now trying so hard  
  
To cautiously
                         proceed.
Just thoughts here..... That's all right now.
Jan 30 · 46
Walk away
undefined Jan 30
I have to go away
I hope you'll understand
Yes, we could still be friends
But my heart is on the mend

So I had to walk away
Because I just can't pretend
That I'll ever be the man
Not in love with you again
Jan 30 · 40
Not killing time
undefined Jan 30
Time will **** me,
but I ain't killing time
I've worked hard for every penny
that I ever got
I spend all my money and
go broke every time
cause time will **** me,
but I ain't killing time

I spend all my money
on the things that I like
travel the world
barely getting by
but the hard times balance
when I look in the eyes
of friends and lovers
that fill my life
one day we'll all get what's coming
I just stay ready for mine
cause time will **** me but,
I ain't killing time

Time will **** me
I've worked all my life
my muscles are sore
one day I'll lay down and die
but I'll die happy
knowing I got mine
cause time will **** me
but I ain't ever killing time
Jan 26 · 594
poem
undefined Jan 26
I miss her
like ink misses the page
when i can't seem to think
of the right words to say .

I love her like the heavens,
and to the moon I pray,
the only wish I ever have,
that every shooting star could stay .

If there is a god of love,
how could one create
this old heart of mine
just to feel it break

...
.. going to keep working on this I think. I like one or two lines in there.
Jan 26 · 89
panic attack
undefined Jan 26
i miss my camera that was stolen
my guitar that i sold
the paper running out of my last note

ink is slowly drying
i feel i'm slowly dying,
i'm panicked, and i never really know

Why

I cry

Inside

i got arrested last night
for the first time in a while
the girl that makes me sad
used to make me smile

And she still could
If she would
Try



smoking cigarettes like they're going
the way they already went
i've got too many thoughts
on my mind to vent

feels like I'm falling
losing all control
breaking down and broken
feeling so alone


i've never been this scared
never wanted to be free so badly
that it tears a gaping hole through me

i feel lost and
i'm struggling to breathe
searching frantically for an answer
something to help me see

I've forgotten all the tools
and things that kept me sober & happy
all i'm wanting now
is for everything to be over & that
                                                    scares me

I feel so much older,  now
and I bruise so easily
my heart may never mend
like embers slowly dying

a fire's going out
and my hands are trembling
my mouth is dry
and it hurts that
nothing left excites me
.  Still in the works.
But I'll keep writing it out of me.
Jan 26 · 91
Idk what to say
undefined Jan 26
I leave the phone on,
when I should shut it off,
' cause i keep thinking maybe you'll call. Maybe you'll text and say
just the right thing,

I don't know what that would be,
but it could happen,
finally
you might think of a way to tell me the words that could fix everything.

Help me breathe

help me sleep

Your words could fix me , again.


And I wish you would,
but I know you won't,
and when I should shut off my phone,
I'll leave it on,


just for a little hope.
Having some panic attacks the last few days, and they seem to be getting worse....
I don't know what to do about them and I don't really know why I'm having them all of the sudden either, really.. but like everything else, trying to write my way through it
Jan 23 · 516
a silly sorta poet
undefined Jan 23
I don't really think of you anymore unless I'm dreaming,
or when my eyes are open and the Sun is beaming,
unless rain falls or birds start singing,
or if I see a plant or flower and wonder of their name,
and for every tree I pass, it's the same.

I don't really think of you except to wonder if you ever think of me,
or when I'm trying to focus at work
on anything.
I only think of you ,
probably when I shouldn't be,
or when I've nothing to do
and I'm just bored, ya see.

Ahh, but when the sun sets
and I know I'll soon find sleep,
in the face of the moon
and the stars above me,
it never seems to fail
memories of you return to me.

Because
I don't really think of you anymore, unless I'm dreaming.
Just a sweet little poem I wrote this morning
Jan 22 · 35
Untitled
undefined Jan 22
Thursday

Your "good morning" text to me
came early, and made my heart smile deep for the first time in a while.

Mandolin Orange on my headphones
makes the work day run smoothly,
and since I can't help but think of you anyway, might as well be tunes that help those thoughts tingle and glow nicely.

Wish I could tell you,
how I just wish for you the best
things in this life... and hope you meet someone someday that makes you feel
the way you do me.

I hope one day you let someone love you without a defense.
...And I wish that either one of those people could be me.


You told me last night about
your "least favorite quality of mine,"
well there's my least favorite of yours...





And I will choose to hear "I love yous,"
...
In, "Good morning" texts
moments that take your breath
late night calls
smiles, sighs
and "I miss yous."
...

I'll venture far out past my memory
Write you poetry
from the city of love
Starving, mail you sweet words
from hard miles, hard bread
and cheap wonderful wine.

Once I've
met the one,
seen the city,
and written songs,
maybe, "love" and I
can be friends again..
Just a bunch of thoughts
Jan 21 · 70
lonely
undefined Jan 21
You feel so far
so far away
I think of your smile
it drives loneliness away

Remember the time
when you felt the same
You got scared
but it's okay...

Sometimes words
are hard to say
I love you like the stars
and miss you everyday
Just keeping words here till I can put them together right
Jan 21 · 58
Drunk and lonely
undefined Jan 21
they say that whiskey
will never hold you
like a good girl can

but I'll drown this heartache
with a bottle in my hand

'cause i'm tired of feeling
and i really don't understand

so i'll be drunk and lonely
till it don't hurt again
Maybe a new song, I don't know.
A drinking song
undefined Jan 3
I wish,
that there was a way,
that I can make you feel,
on the good days,
as good as you do me.

When we put one another down
in black and white,
"good vs bad,"
we come out about the same
it seems...
Save for this one outstanding thing.

I've tried to reflect how good
you make me feel
back to you,
in any way I could find.

And I don't think
that you're not hearing me,
I just believe
that I don't have the same magic
as you perhaps.
I don't know how to make you feel
as good as you do me.

.... But I can rest tonight,
knowing that I have tried.

And being the person that I am,
still ever hopeful of things,
I know that I will continue.

My love will continue,
and therefore continue to try.

I can't decide for you,
(and it is a decision. That, I know)
what your feelings are to be for me.
I can't make the good times,
for you,
as good as they are for me.

... But I still don't know how
to stop trying.


[and that's what love is i think]
Just some thinking tonight, that's all... Probably too much thinking , really.
Dec 2023 · 107
You and Me
undefined Dec 2023
Something in me's changed,
I know you've seen
and I've got something to say
about "you & me."

You're the one who
haunts my dreams.
And I wanna be the one
who makes you believe

...in the kind of man to you
              that I could be .


What started out as "kid love"
then turned deep,
And I thought it might break
with all the miles we've seen.

No matter how I've tried,
i just can't shake
The thought of "forever,"
however long that takes .


I had a daydream
of you  &me
Sharing headphones
on a flight overseas

Listening to Dispatch's "America"
and feeling free,
Your head on my shoulder
smiling

...with miles ahead
     no longer in between .
a poem for Rayne
undefined Dec 2023
Some people are hard not to love,
Like Ernie
Ernie and I just got a fire going good in his backyard.
Then he went inside, and left me alone with it.
Saying, "just enjoy the fire. When you want to come inside, come inside. But just enjoy the fire."
Friends like this are few and far between, I know, I have a lot of friends.

My life is a mess. My nails are a mess. My relationship is a mess...
And i,
just needed this fire tonight.

Someone said to me recently,
I have a way of writing things poetically.
And maybe it's not poetry, exactly.
But as the fire burns,
and the embers in me turn...
I know I feel much more at peace.
Dec 2023 · 286
Traveler Wintering
undefined Dec 2023
Payday.

I feel broken and beaten down and antisocial. I wander aimlessly through Walmart trying to find snacks for lunches to pack. I make my way from cookies and crackers to liquor turn left , electronics, uninterested. I find myself looking at luggage and backpacks, and then into the camping section.  Grab some paracord, seems like I always need that. A pocket knife, only five bucks. Then, I'm looking at sleeping bags...

I'm lost.

Lost and knowing I'm lost, in a world of normalcy that doesn't suit me. I leave the grocery store with a bag of granola, because I only know how to pack for hiking and train rides.

Two more months of harvest left.
Dec 2023 · 94
Morning smoke
undefined Dec 2023
Bobby the cat sits in the yard outside,
with a ****** of crows on his mind.
Seven to be exact,
perched in a tree up high.
As Bobby,
down below in the grass where he lies
never flinching an eye, just stares wishing...     Wishing he could fly.

I,
made my bed.
I put prickly pear jelly on toast,
with an egg.
I ,
get me a coffee with lots of sugar,
and roll a cigarette.

I smoke, and watch,
and write and think...
And I see,
A little too much of Bobby the cat
sometimes, in me.
Nov 2023 · 117
Can I write you
undefined Nov 2023
Can I still write you "love letters"
Even if we're not together?

Will you pretend
that it's new again
even when
you know better.



Is it too little, too late?

Still miss you everyday

What I'm trying to say
is I've made mistakes
but none that break
my heart the way
the sound of rain
Somehow makes
My eyes wetter.

And running away
doesn't change a thing,
or take away
what's missing from the space
on my chest
where your head used to lay .

So,  I guess
what I'm trying to say
is

I hope you're doing better

and now that my eyes are redder,

would it be okay
if I could just break
down in a way,
take my guitar and play
...
and
Can I still write you
"love letters"
?
Jul 2023 · 389
Bayside morning
undefined Jul 2023
A wounded heart makes
no pleasant sounds
Sober fools can write
sweeter words down

A thousand miles can seem dizzy
but 8 thousand, barely shifting
Salty sea waters of morning sway
longings of big ocean home waves

Loss is temporary
BEING lost is not
Drifting by choice
until options forgot
Jul 2023 · 128
Independance gone day
undefined Jul 2023
You've gotten complacent, desensitized, you loosened your grip, gave up too much rope, and let the shade slip
so far down over your eyes that you can't see, we've been steadily losing ground while their grip was tightening.
Everything is now monitored and regulated, step for a moment outside their system and you'll really believe it. What they pay, is what you'll eat. What they offer is all you see. Pacified and cradled, why would you ever leave.
We shoot bombs in the Sky , Let's hear your game time warcry scream , while every radio at the display is perfectly im sync. Explosions shock nerves, and like a call in response, the words you mindlessly sing , "proud to be American where at least I Know I'm Free..."
When at night,  in your privately owned car,
or under shade on a hot day in a public park                                 You can't sleep.

There's no more human rights to speak We The People have lost to another country yet again controlling
Just jotting this down here as an idea
Meaning I'll come back later to maybe work it better and make more sense
Aug 2022 · 172
History of violence
undefined Aug 2022
My head still stings from the drink last night,
I try to say "I'm sorry," but can't seem to do anything right .

Louder than any broken screams.
Is how it feels when she won't look at me.

...

She asked, "Is there a history of abuse with you?"
And I didn't know what to say...

There's always been that thing, like a cloud that won't go away.

Both sides of my family got it, we'd just pretend like it's something other than what it was...

There's burns all down my arm I try and cover up, with a tattoo now that says,
"Pain never hurt me     like love."
I apologize if me writing this out this way makes you think any less of me
Aug 2022 · 292
Depression
undefined Aug 2022
I feel like I can't wake up

But all I wanna do is sleep

What does it mean?

Is this a dream?
Not feeling too great right now
Feb 2022 · 124
Notes for Self
undefined Feb 2022
Stand in the morning Sun
Shake off the Cold
Change out of Thermals
Memorize restroom Code
Stretch stiff Muscles
Charge up Phone
Tune up Guitar
Take coffee"To-Go"
Walk down Royal
Find a Spot
...Play.
No use in Wishing
Don't ever waste a beautiful Day.
little daily reminders for me here.
undefined Feb 2022
A girl I dated once called me an "emotionless robot." Yesterday I woke up screaming, last night I fell asleep while crying... Guess she was wrong.

Fingers freezing.
Paint on a smile for passer-bys.
Keep my feet moving down the street
to PJ's for coffee,
for my daily "Good Morning."

Someone told me a song I played was "sad,"
I told them it was the happiest one I had.

The little market store on St. Louis is letting me stock the cooler again this afternoon.
So, I'll be able to buy another drink tonight.

The mornings are stiff,
and the late night shivers with cold.
1987 is the code to find the restroom.
Coffee warms my disposition.

Words stay trapped in my pen,
I start writing sometimes,
and don't know how to end.

... (i'm sorry)
Journal entry today.
Feb 2022 · 117
One day
undefined Feb 2022
One more song to play
"One **** over the line"
One more sunny day
Just one more passer-by

One more scribbled page
Sing it out in time
One more sunny day
One more line to rhyme

One more drop of change
To change my thirsty mind
One more sunny day
Let me know I'm still alive

Children run and play
God how I've missed mine
On this sunny day, I pray
That I'll forgive with time .
The rain is finally gone, and I get to spend the day busking in NOLA :)
Nov 2021 · 241
Witchy
undefined Nov 2021
A flame touched stick of lavender
Jasmine and something else...

I light it often and think of you,
of eyes that seared a place on my heart,
the curve of your smile,
smell of your hair...

memories striking heavy in my chest,
shorten my breath,
and return feelings for a moment,
as scared and helpless as I felt
every time we've met
Just some words and feelings I thought I'd put somewhere right now, might come back to later and try to make something real out of them :-)
undefined May 2021
He was a big gunslinger, real bell-ringer,
never backed down from a fight.
A game changer, friend of danger,  
living life one night at a time.

He'd go out and hit the bars every night,
shooting pool and drinking *****
He had jet-black hair, a devilish smile,
and fists full of bad tattoos.


On a southern trail she rode the rails
with a big ol' dog, and a big ol' knife.
She sang so sweet, busking on the street,
but do her wrong and it might cost your life.


He bought her a drink and said, "What do ya think,
could we make this last all night?"
She said "Yes," but had to confess,
"I'll be gone before morning's light."

He said "Come with me,"
they agreed, and out the door both of 'em went.
Now stories are told, but nobody really knows,
'cause aint either been seen since.

{CH}

Sometimes you don't know about the end of the road,
some things just can't be seen.
And sometimes when you go, and reach the end of the road,
it might just be the beginning...



... Sometimes I like to think that they just dropped off the grid,
maybe he gave up the drink, and now they're raising 'em a couple of kids.
... And she's happy singin' songs to the trees,
on a porch out somewhere where no one else can see.

{ch}

'Cause sometimes you don't know about the end of your road,
some things just can't be seen.
And sometimes when you go and reach the end of your road,
it might just be a new beginning.
May 2021 · 1.2k
carry me on
undefined May 2021
walking through the dark
on the outskirts of Baton Rouge
just me and a bunch of stars
no one else to talk to

the yard is staging cars
expecting a train
gather my gear
trying to   beat   out   the rain...


wind is a howling
roosters start to crow
6-string on my back
bound for a Houston show

I like the early morning
quiet, dark, and cold
watching for that engine
and   tryin ta breath    real    low...


the "CLASP! of thunderous coupling
"SkReeeech," its time ta go
wind is a rushing
this steel     carries       me       on...
May 2021 · 195
Home again
undefined May 2021
"Home," I used to think,
was the road...
But now I know,
it's all the places in between.

Not the cracks and crevices in concrete.
Not the spaces swimming beneath my feet.
Not sidewalks, Rocky trails, or city streets...

"Home," is where I lay my head,
and REST my feet.
With friends I've known for years,
and new ones I meet.
Where I'm welcomed with smiles,
and something to drink...

My "home," is not the road (I love),
but little stops made,
at places in between.
undefined Mar 2021
The fiery orange reds
and forest pine greens
with highlights of yellows
and all the colors in between

The mossy southern oaks
and wild growth that runs
from virginia creeper
up around wooded trunks

the early morning mist is thick
as the waters of the bayou where it sits




(recipe for a good evening)

collect and gather wood to start a fire
dry, split, and place a top a pine needle ball
   douse in "drip," if you've got an oil field friend

Then light and let it roar,
sit down with a guitar,
  an' play the night in.
Savin these here for sometime later.
Jan 2021 · 144
Depressed... Just thaughts
undefined Jan 2021
Thinking of buying a gun,
and pointing it at someone.

Thinking of taking a nap,
down on the railroad tracks.

Thinking of finding my place,
somewhere in outer space.

Thinking of buying a gun,
and putting the barrel on my tounge.
Just glad to have a place here where I can vent some of these feelings out ...
Oct 2020 · 78
Untitled
undefined Oct 2020
There's sometimes, when "paradise,"
Can't take it all away.
You don't fall in, to salvation,
And down in doom you stay.

I've found then, on a corner grin,
At a bar just down the street
When freedom turns to loneliness,
You can always find a drink.
IDK what I'm writing, I just liked the sound it made coming out,. I'll save it here for now
Jul 2020 · 131
No music anywhere
undefined Jul 2020
Down this road, the only home I've ever known, the streets are stripped of Music bare as bone.
Not too long ago, I thought I'd forever roam, but now the streets are stripped of music, and I'm feeling more alone.
Work up a little wage, "scratch" to itch the call, but the streets are stripped of music , I got no home at all.
Got a ticket to ride the dog, anywhere else but here, but everywhere I go, ain't nothing for me there.
'Cause the streets are stripped of music, everywhere I go, never felt more empty... In all my times of writing songs
Just waiting for the bus in Lubbock
Apr 2020 · 138
Bitter-sweet
undefined Apr 2020
I dreamed I was painting with a dancers feet again.
I woke and there was hurt, which is love, which means life and God and good... So, hurt can't be all too bad I guess.
Jan 2020 · 134
Awake Now
undefined Jan 2020
Cold and lonely silence
of early morn
Screams of rockets wake
(another crows song?)

No impact is heard so,
i must be wrong
Night gets darker still
no hope or trace of dawn
undefined Jun 2019
Around stone pillars, hear the cries
into the ground a casket lies

Sunsets behind two eyes
darkened skies, stars arise

Lonely hopes drift and Float
across the sea horizons glow

Where souls go, I don't know
we all travel far to find a home
May 2019 · 316
Where should I start?
undefined May 2019
I began writing in a therapist's office actually, as a child. I was a pretty wound up tight sorta kid I think, bubbling over on the inside with all sorts of emotions that I had no idea of how to channel or deal with. So, I wrote, kept a journal, wrote some stories for my friends in school, letters, poems... You get the idea. I think back now, and believe that all of those things are important to mention, because the reason I write songs today, is the same reason that I couldn't stop writing notes, poems, or lists back then, to collect, better understand, and focus my emotions... And to me, help maintain some sanity.

Everyone, I feel, has to at some point deal with the darker corners of life. That's just the way life goes, what could we ever learn without walking through both "good," and "bad" times? I don't ever think that I'm owed anything, I simply wish to live, love, enjoy and experience as much good in this life as I can find... And sort of, make certain that it outweighs the bad times, if possible.

I could either sit here and tell you that I grew up with an abusive step father, was teased and picked on by children, pulled out of school for things that weren't my fault, ***** by a gay man, had a friend close to me die on my couch, served in the Army where I discovered the body of another friend just after he'd blown his head off. I could tell you that my first daughter passed away due to something that I never understood growing behind her eye. My family betrayed me. My wife left me. I was plagued for years with horrific nightmares of all sorts... I could sit here and tell you about many, many of the darker parts of my life, but why? I could say that after the loss of my family how I hated God, hated people, and hated myself so much that I decided to take my own life.

However, I don't see too much good in that for this sort of thing. So instead, I will stand here and tell you that when I had rid myself of all that I owned and began walking down a road 7 years ago, with no idea or plan of what to do next. I had my writing. And I began to get all of these things out onto paper, in black and white in front of me, to throw into the trash, burn, rewrite, to do whatever I needed to do with them. It wasn't eating away at my soul so much anymore. Someone gifted me a guitar, and I began to watch people play more closely, learned a few chords, made some better friends, and started writing songs.

So, I think for this paper, I'll simply, as shortly as I can, just tell you about some of the things that I've been able to realize the past few years. Such as, it's remarkably quiet at the top of a 14,600 foot mountain... In Port Orford, Oregon you can watch the waves break before they even get close to the shore from atop a rock there that is as far west as you can go in the continental U.S...  Freight trains are cold and loud, if you're going to hop one bring earplugs and a blanket, and I would recommend waiting till they've stopped moving... There are so many beautiful places in this world that have absolutely No Cover Charge to see... When kayaking along intersecting rivers, be aware that they all move at different speeds, you can easily get pushed into the bank if you don't navigate properly... People are kind, over all I mean, we're all just doing the best we feel we can at the moment. Please, for your sake, don't take offense... The poorer people are, the more likely they are to share, again this is a pretty general statement, but I've found it to be quite true... The west coast is easy to walk down, and very lovely to look at. The east coast of the US on the other hand, is much more of a challenge, but you will find some of the oldest trees and some of the wisest folks there... If you plan your year right, the weather will always be perfect where you are... If you will just be you, and not try to be something else, people will like you... The one's that matter anyway.

Now, I feel as if I've come full circle here with telling you all this. I began writing as a child, writing things just for me. I've made it through some pretty serious bouts with depression, writing for me. But what music and this old guitar have done for me and my life today, and in recent years, is connect me to total strangers in a way that has been nothing less than magic. It's began to help me repair relations with loved ones, it's shown me over and over and over again the unimaginable realization, for my mind, that I'm in fact not alone. And it's begun to show people who I am, as well as show me that it's absolutely acceptable for me to be who I am, because who I am aint that bad. And I'm getting better.
not really poetry, just thinking out loud
undefined Apr 2019
I love to write. I write often, like breathing. And as I began to understand a few years ago, it's not always that easy for others. I'm not a boastful person, I feel I have a decent understanding of my own gifts and talents. I don't make a lot of money, I'm not the best fisherman, I can't draw worth ****... But I have been writing creatively, and therapeutically, in some capacity since I was 10. I have professional experience and a bit of an education to back it up too. But now I'd like to tell you why none of that means anything to me, no piece of paper, other than a blank one, sheds any color at all on my actual ability to write something worth reading.

The reason I can do this job, the reason I know how to take what you're feeling, what you need to express but can't find the words that make people listen, and create something worth listening to, or worth reading, is the empathy and real life that I bring to my writing. I know what it's like to love truly, to suffer gravely, to travel rough, breathe deep, fight hard, lose everything, and then stand tall and find just the right words to speak.

I can write. And it won't ever just be space filler, if hired for a gig, I will write for you what you're really trying to say.
I applied for a ghost writing gig on line and they wanted to know "briefly" why I think I can do this job (creative writing). lol
Apr 2019 · 308
not sleeping, so I write..
undefined Apr 2019
I was whole once. I knew who I was.
I was full of ideas and dreams, and surrounded by love.
I had a home, where we all stayed.
We built blanket forts, ran and played.

But that was all taken away, by someone
not quite a friend but in whom I loved anyway.
I was blindsided by  ruthless cunning,
and mercilessly betrayed.

My comforts were meaningless, heart and spirit broken,
my soul was lost. I was hurt and afraid.
I sank deep deep deep into a shallow grave,
tore my clothes in mourning. No god could save.

I had been beaten worse than I had ever imagined
Defeat hung 'round my head and drowned me in sadness.

All hope was finally crushed on a day I'll never forget
The day I devised a plan to finish what life I had left

I gathered the medication, tools for my doing in,
said goodbye to strangers that I called family and friends
moved into an old storage shed, and set out to put an end
to the misery, that had consumed all but my last breath

I took my charge without hesitation and in darkness I was swept
only to have an angel wake me from my bed
At dawns first light I arose from a nasty pool of red,
pills laid scattered, spewed about the whole mess

… And I was a new sort of alone, one I'd never felt

...In a way, I had    kind of left.

And for the first time in a while, I had nowhere to hide
I began to understand a little of what was going on inside

I soon after found a road
and began my life to roam

never to look back at how I was before
only the trail ahead, onward, f'ward.

I've lost myself so many times
To houses in cities, with girlfriends and wives

But I always seem again to find,
with hunger when I'm tired, in the rain when it's cold outside,

Myself again there, on the trail,
somewhere I can't hide
just tired..
Feb 2019 · 327
a Lovely Little Lullaby
undefined Feb 2019
Close your eyes and I'll sing to you
though I haven't many words.
Fingers moving to this tune
making melody a verse.
Creating contorted content
like dancers with shapes and lines.
Carefully crafting concepts
into story and art that rhyme.

Moments make memories
that turn into dreams.
Wishing washes a way when
showers of stars stream.
My mind is like a madhouse,
running away from me.
But time stands still with wonder
when I'm fast asleep.

-by, Patrick Hamilton
09Feb2019
played gently in GADA on strings

I guess I just felt like writing something a bit silly and fun today
Jan 2019 · 1.2k
Open Mic
undefined Jan 2019
Addicted to it man, just can't let it go
Stunned thunder clap, another good show
The south-side monster on 16th street
Listen to The Words, or just let him be

Words that spilled out
for Jesus & his drink
A Lotus to bloom out of the rough
Double down for one more hit of that stuff

[CH]
Gimme a thunderous clap, a slow rolling roar
And I'll always come back for just one more

Austin from Tallahassee
To Jackson Square in New Orleans
The Appalachian trails, to Venice Beach
In Florida it'll leave ya sleeping on the street

You can find it anywhere
There's smoke and drink
There's a gambling man (&a gambling chance)
Under every marquee

[CH]
Gimme a thunderous clap, that slow rolling roar
I'll always come back for just one more

[CH]
.....One more score.

Addicted to it, can't let it be
Every sucker on a stage, (including me)
It's not fame, money or glory we seek
But if you get a taste, it's so hard to leave

Oh, that thunderous clap, that slow steady roar
Always coming back for just one more.
I have a poet friend "Lotus" who was telling me a story about performing when he was younger, (they called him The Words, in Oklahoma) and he was telling me about this experience with the hush, and them tho roar of surprise and thunderous applause that followed a set he had... He said, "I'm addicted to it man, I just can't let it alone, I wanna experience that every time I get on stage now." I told him that's pretty much what I think we're all here for as artists.  (But I said it, by writing him this song :)
Jan 2019 · 512
Cold Winter Song
undefined Jan 2019
Another year goes by, thinking about old wrongs
Winter is here, hoping I'll hold on
I strum a clear tune to write a cold (cold) song,
But I still see your face no matter how far I've gone.

As a means of escape, I followed the signs
Left a corpse out of state at the wake to go write my rhymes
Up through the center & down the west coast, then back east
From Florida to Philly, whichever way the wind blow'd
I saw the southern border of old Mexico
Skirted Canada too, still wearing the same pair of clothes
I've gotten sick and I been hard up
But I still sang my songs to fill my gut

Miles come and go, stretching on so long
I put my pen to page, and try and move on
Another season full of days, just looking to belong
I still see your face no matter how far I've gone

(I been) Running in circles, trying to fill the time
Of the spaces left from reading in between the lines
I haven't made it far yet, but I still outshine
All the dusty bones broken down that I left behind

....

Another year goes by, thinking about old wrongs.
Winter is here again hoping I'll hold on .
I strum a clear tune to write a cold cold song .
...But, I still see your face, no matter how far I've gone.
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