I began writing in a therapist's office actually, as a child. I was a pretty wound up tight sorta kid I think, bubbling over on the inside with all sorts of emotions that I had no idea of how to channel or deal with. So, I wrote, kept a journal, wrote some stories for my friends in school, letters, poems... You get the idea. I think back now, and believe that all of those things are important to mention, because the reason I write songs today, is the same reason that I couldn't stop writing notes, poems, or lists back then, to collect, better understand, and focus my emotions... And to me, help maintain some sanity.
Everyone, I feel, has to at some point deal with the darker corners of life. That's just the way life goes, what could we ever learn without walking through both "good," and "bad" times? I don't ever think that I'm owed anything, I simply wish to live, love, enjoy and experience as much good in this life as I can find... And sort of, make certain that it outweighs the bad times, if possible.
I could either sit here and tell you that I grew up with an abusive step father, was teased and picked on by children, pulled out of school for things that weren't my fault, ***** by a gay man, had a friend close to me die on my couch, served in the Army where I discovered the body of another friend just after he'd blown his head off. I could tell you that my first daughter passed away due to something that I never understood growing behind her eye. My family betrayed me. My wife left me. I was plagued for years with horrific nightmares of all sorts... I could sit here and tell you about many, many of the darker parts of my life, but why? I could say that after the loss of my family how I hated God, hated people, and hated myself so much that I decided to take my own life.
However, I don't see too much good in that for this sort of thing. So instead, I will stand here and tell you that when I had rid myself of all that I owned and began walking down a road 7 years ago, with no idea or plan of what to do next. I had my writing. And I began to get all of these things out onto paper, in black and white in front of me, to throw into the trash, burn, rewrite, to do whatever I needed to do with them. It wasn't eating away at my soul so much anymore. Someone gifted me a guitar, and I began to watch people play more closely, learned a few chords, made some better friends, and started writing songs.
So, I think for this paper, I'll simply, as shortly as I can, just tell you about some of the things that I've been able to realize the past few years. Such as, it's remarkably quiet at the top of a 14,600 foot mountain... In Port Orford, Oregon you can watch the waves break before they even get close to the shore from atop a rock there that is as far west as you can go in the continental U.S... Freight trains are cold and loud, if you're going to hop one bring earplugs and a blanket, and I would recommend waiting till they've stopped moving... There are so many beautiful places in this world that have absolutely No Cover Charge to see... When kayaking along intersecting rivers, be aware that they all move at different speeds, you can easily get pushed into the bank if you don't navigate properly... People are kind, over all I mean, we're all just doing the best we feel we can at the moment. Please, for your sake, don't take offense... The poorer people are, the more likely they are to share, again this is a pretty general statement, but I've found it to be quite true... The west coast is easy to walk down, and very lovely to look at. The east coast of the US on the other hand, is much more of a challenge, but you will find some of the oldest trees and some of the wisest folks there... If you plan your year right, the weather will always be perfect where you are... If you will just be you, and not try to be something else, people will like you... The one's that matter anyway.
Now, I feel as if I've come full circle here with telling you all this. I began writing as a child, writing things just for me. I've made it through some pretty serious bouts with depression, writing for me. But what music and this old guitar have done for me and my life today, and in recent years, is connect me to total strangers in a way that has been nothing less than magic. It's began to help me repair relations with loved ones, it's shown me over and over and over again the unimaginable realization, for my mind, that I'm in fact not alone. And it's begun to show people who I am, as well as show me that it's absolutely acceptable for me to be who I am, because who I am aint that bad. And I'm getting better.
not really poetry, just thinking out loud