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It’s tender,

being the closest of friends..
but oh, isn’t it such a dangerous thing?
To hold you with care,
in the space we made,
while promising

I won’t touch a single thing.

But sweet love... to be this close
to someone like you..
need I say

what your voice can bring?

Warmth, truth,
supportive hands that tend--
it’s a dream come true
for those who bleed.

But when a deep need is quietly met,
can the heart resist
going full send?

And still—when a need
is met without hands,
without lips,

without sleep lost
   in shared breath...

how long before restraint slips?

This depth.. untouched,
unspoken, unseen..
it burns through the walls
between you and me.

Yes, even with agreements
so lovingly made...
there’s always the risk
in a love so brave;


  that we will  both

             come

      undone.



Mine, immaculate dream
made breath and skin...
Now we’ll try to stay blind
to the hope and fear outside...
Who do you need?
Who do you love?

When you come undone
https://youtu.be/5X5KweDhsaI?si=_VCO-kKUwqSB-Acs

#Support
I hate the weight of each heavy smile
Within my worries are starting to pile
Sirens going and the alarm in my head
Has me wishing to weep instead
But the last thing I intend is to cause concern
So I hold the flames in though I feel my chest burn
Walls slowly creeping inch by inch
Closing in from all sides but I refuse to flinch
I hate to make a sound that might draw attention
So my anxiety I do not dare mention
Fighting for air but on the surface remain still
Underneath skin fear is too powerful to ****
All I want is for laughter to be more than a facade
And to look into the mirror and not view a fraud
Please just let my happiness for once be genuinely real
My emotions a tiring charade that I will never truly feel
Just one of those days
she had a telescope in her pocket.
one of those cool tiny ones, like a pirate might have
if he were searching for buried treasure.
she told me it was magic, let her see
enchanted things
like fairies and mermaids
and little trolls with fuzzy hair.
they were scared of normal people.
they were really shy, she said
but they were real and alive,
breathing air and eating brunch
and taking baths
like us.

she’d look through her telescope when we walked to school
or through the park
lost in it, like she wasn't even there next to me
but somewhere else, on an island
that no one had a map of.
sometimes she’d point, say
“look! in that tree, right there!”
so I’d squint and try to see
what only she could see
but all I’d see was some leaves
or a nest
or nothing at all.

sometimes I’d lie next to her on the lawn
and close my eyes.
and she could breathe an image behind my closed eyelids
and I could feel the breeze as fairies flew by,
and hear the mermaids’ tails sweeping against toasted rocks
and it was like I’d rowed a ship
across that ocean to her island
I’d found the map, I was next to her,
and the world was just as she said it was--
magical.
but the difference between me and her was
she could open her eyes, and still see it all.
but I’d open my eyes, and all I’d see
was some leaves
or a nest
or nothing at all.
"Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing." -Bill Cosby
She speaks cannon *****
and good morning blues.
She speaks sweet lilies
and rosebuds in June.

She speaks soft
as little light beams.
She speaks rainbows
over tall evergreens.

She speaks sonnets
and low melodies.
She speaks quietly—
freedom, over me.
Old man stands alone,
shirt undone,
hair silver and lifting,
the sky begins to split.

The storm enters
not with cruelty,
but with memory,
that deep breath before
the world unbuttons itself.

Thunder cracks like bones once young.
The rain walks sideways,
then vertical,
then all directions.
He does not move.

Was the storm that raised him,
not his father,
not a stiff lipped god behind a pulpit,
but this:
a violent choir of wind and water
tearing through the trees like language
he always understood
but never spoke.

Remembering it in his legs,
how the wind,
long ago,
swept him off roofs,
out of dry judgement,
into open roads and beds and truths.
How lightning never hit him,
but always pointed
and directed.

He once chased it,
barefoot,
drunk on youth and refusal,
beautiful clouds, black and blooming.
giving permission
to crack open,
shake the dullness off the skin
like the last coat of sleep.

Now, old and alone,
he feels it again,
that holy silence between the strikes,
that rush of air through the ribs,
the kind that makes love and sin feel small.

The wind doesn’t ask where he’s been.
The rain doesn’t question strength.
They just take him in,
pulling his bones into a long, level song.

No one watching.
No one shouting him back inside.
Only black clouds
reaching low enough
to press their foreheads to his.

In that communion,
the unspoken pact between man and squall
he closes his eyes,
and lets go
of names, of time, of answers.

Only the storm
knows who he was.
Only the storm
still loves him for it.
I waved at my reflection,
it didn’t wave back.

Just blinked once,
then smirked.

I stepped closer.
It didn’t move.
I asked it,
“Which one of us is real?”

It cracked.
And whispered,
“Not you.”
Sad-sunken eyes,
Large tumor,
Growing fast.
Who knows?
How long he has.

Bulges and bumps,
Along his body.
Cant even sit,
Or stand properly.

I love you Toby,
To infinity and beyond.
You probably only have,
around a week left.
But still—
Stay strong.
I love you Toby— you didn’t even get out of bed today..you only ate twice..only went to the bathroom a couple times… I know your hurting.. I just hope you don’t…pass away…while Im going to camp… I love u…
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