The air grows heavy around you. One deep breath will do it.
You're not afraid of the pain, but you still hesitate.
Focusing your sight on the smooth skin that covers your thoughts and fears from the world, you decide to do it. Sometimes, you  crave it so much that your skin can feel a little itchy.

One line is drawn on your skin. It's not deep enough. It barely bleeds, but it's the step you needed to move forward and let it all go for a while.
Another line, and then another one.
This time, you press the  razor blade deeper into your skin. Adrenaline runs through your veins. You wish you could go even deeper, finding the part of you that's been missing from your soul when they broke you. Perhaps, you just broke yourself. Who are you to blame other people, but why do you feel this way towards them?
Forgiving people is easier said than done. Forgiving yourself is... Impossible.
You draw another line. Now your body is covered in dying red roses.
You can't stop. You don't wanna stop. It feels so good, yet so wrong at the same time
It's like a drug, and no matter how long you stay clean, you will fall right back into it.
When you are done, you clean and cover those lines. A long sleeve will do it. No one has to know. You don't need another pair of judgemental eyes on you. Your  own presence has judged yourself enough.
You draw a fake smile on your face and go on with your day. You're fine.
You're fine. Everything will be okay, until it's not. What happens next, you may wonder?
I bet you already know it.

I've built a safe haven.
It's the only place that contains my pain.
The walls are tainted by the  blood of broken dreams.
Tainted by hurtful, yet blurry words that I can still hear these days.
They're tainted by a broken mind.
My safe haven has a resistant door, but no windows to let my secret be free.
Darkness likes to live in it.
My demons seem to agree with it, too.
I have a safe haven, and sometimes,
It's my only home.

In his arms I felt safe
There was nothing to be afraid of.
No monster could take him away,
He was the man that always saved me.

He danced with me as I, slowly, fell asleep in his arms,
And tucked me to bed at night.

Stories were created,
The ones I still remember.

On his shoulders I felt tall,
I felt I could fly, touch the sky,
And even though I'm afraid of heights,
I still tried to be brave.

In his heart I was still her little girl,
And it was hard for him to let me grow up.

When the time came, and it was time for me to let him go,
I whispered in the silent living room of my house, "You can let go, Dad. I'll always be proud of you"

With his physical absence,
I feel broken and lost.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to bring him back home.

So, when I'm crying,
I think of that little girl,
The one sitting on her dad's shoulders.

The one that never knew what death was.
The one that created memories without knowing that.

I think about him,
And I can see him smile.
No more pain,
Just peace and love.

In my heart, he's still around,
Still laughing and hugging me,
Teaching me how important life is.

We can be gone in a second,
But  even if covid took him away,
It  couldn't take something from him...

HIS LOVE.
HIS LOYALTY.
HIS LEGACY.
OUR MEMORIES TOGETHER...


Love remains; it always does.



Miss you, daddy 🖤🥀

Moon child,
Worned out, yet wide eyed,
Breathe in
Breathe out.

Your body is tiny.
Your heart remains untouched.
Your smile  breaks me.
I used to be happy, too.

Tell me you're still here,
Somewhere where I can find you.

Tell me you are proud of me.
Tell me you would keep fighting,
Because I need your strength.

Take all the pain away.
Take me to the stars,
Let's play with Peter Pan.

You should remain unmarked.
Yet, you're growing tired.

Have I let you down?

Moon child,
Tell me we are doing okay.
Moon child,
Keep on fighting.

This war is not over.
We shall remain victorious.
We will be marked.

Don't pay attention to others,
You are enough.
You are perfect.

Moon child,
Wild kid with  pretty eye lashes
Are you here?
I can't feel you anymore.

If you decide to stay,
So will I

In my veins, my blood runs free, but it's secretly still trapped inside me.

Inside my veins,I can feel it boil,silently screaming to be saved, to breath  fresh air in a different way.

A simple razor will make it.

The adrenaline I feel replaces all the bad.

It makes it all,in a twisted way, good for a minute.

The blood keeps on coming.

My hearts pounds against my chest, constantly afraid of being caught.

It feels like a drug.

A drug that lasts short periods of time, but is satisfying.

Better.
I'm better. At least that is what I've been trying to convince myself of for the past months.
I still want to make all of this... Hurting go away.
I've lost myself in this deep maze made out of steel. When the weather doesn't help, I melt. I become water, and I can't breathe. I can only keep swallowing water. I can only keep on dying, trying to be far enough from the ones I look up to, so no one knows I'm choking.
I need you. I need you to guide me this time, cause I'm walking with my eyes closed. They don't see what's real, so why do I need them, then? They're worthless.
Breathing with the ashes of the past dancing in the air around me makes me crave it. The old "habit" I used to shut my mouth with  is not working as it used to anymore.
I'm still broken.
I'm better...
I'm better.

You think yourself to death,
and your soul does not rest in the long nigth ahead of you.
Every single mistake you made seems to be heavier than expected. They seem to have a life of their own, two arms and two legs. They wear your face and tell you how to be nice, judging every step you take.

You hurt yourself until the sight of blood breaks the spell. You scratch your skin until you're back to being yourself, leaving the home you built for when the storm punches back, alone.

You burn yourself in lack of air. The heavy smell of burning flash is your worst nightmare, but you cannot control your mind, so you have to hold on to what's real and pray for redemption.

Days pass without mercy. Self harming becomes your way to survive through the week, since you start feeling numb.  You start getting getting used to the smell,the broken walls that sorround you, the alternative universe you're living in.

At some point. everything becomes amazingly clear, however, when you see the sunlight for the first time after days, weeks or months of pure darkness, the sun sets and you go back to being the strange person you know the most...

I have been fine
A happy girl living a normal  life
Now I’m broken
I can’t be fixed.

You think you can actually fix me
You think you can make me whole again,
Nevertheless, you can’t be more wrong
You have to stop being a dreamer.

Your high hopes are hurting me
That useless hope still  waits at my door,
Waiting for me to smile and dance under the rain with you,
Forgetting about my fresh scars carved on my body.

I cannot be fixed,
I cannot heal my broken soul,
And neither can you
So give up before I give up on you.

Sometimes I feel like a 4th of July,
And sometimes I feel like a December 2nd.
Sometimes I light before the big  thunder arrives,
And other times I cannot even shine with help of  my loved ones.




I’m shaking and sobbing,
I swim in an ocean of my own tears,
Looking for the north,
Looking for my light, my home.

I cannot seem to find the right place to rest my dizzy head,
No matter how far I run,
I carve the coordinates of paradise on my skin,
So I don’t forget them, or mistake them with a sweet dream come true.


How can you fix the mess I am today?
How can you make me dance under the rain?
Can you see it now?
Can you see my demons and its plans for me?

Will you give up on me?,
Or will you keep on fighting to save me from myself?

If this moment was good enough
Would you make it last forever?
Would you wrap me in your arms,
Whisper the secrets of the universe in my ear?

If we could make this moment inmortal
Wouldn't you live forever too?
Or would you still die if my memory never faded?
Could I fight for the both of us from now on?

I'm talking to you,
wishing upon a star that you'd lived this through.
We could have made up for the time we lost.
Watch the fire **** my present to build a new one where I felt at home.

We'd start from zero,
From the base where things were left behind by your absence.
We'd be a family again.
We'd be whole once more.

If our memories were good enough
Why did time keep on going without you?
Why am I still here, desperate and depressed,
Feeling remorse over my beating heart?

I will make you live forever,
Watch you from earth,
Wishing that somewhere, not so far away,
You are near enough to help me create new lasting memories so I don't feel alone.