i want to be reincarnated as a sunflower
but a happy sunflower
one that just exists and thrives
something that has felt so hard for me
i want to be reincarnated as a sunflower

i always thought youd come back to me
but it was me, who came back to you
i came back into your life
and the roles had reversed

you were no longer who i wanted,
and all you wanted was me

i told you no, i wasnt playing your games
this time i ghosted you
this time everything had changed

i want things to be normal, but they never will be.
and i just want to cry, i wish you never kissed me.
i wish you would have never pretended to like me, or care for me
because i could see on your face today that you clearly never did.
i just wish you never would have tried to.
it hurts so bad that i am starting to wish i had listened to the people telling me not to talk to you, two years ago.
i wish i could go back in time and undo it all and i am sure you do too..

You are so secure, and you take
Advantage of that security, making me
Even more insecure. You aren't scared that
Maybe I’lll realize how well off I
Could be without you… because you
Know how utterly and entirely I have fallen
For your stupid smile and your pretty eyes
You pretend, but don't feel it
And I could easily just leave, making it easier on myself
But I won’t
Because
I ******* love you

Sometimes i wish..
"Wish what?"
I wish that I was interesting enough to make you stay. Make you want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. I just wish I could make you care about me like I care about you.
I just wish I was ******* enough.

-i wrote this a month before you declared your independence

I say I don't like you
         Try to convince myself the feelings are gone
Pretend to be okay with all of this

         Then I watch you run
Your fingers through your hair
         And my heart drops

And when the late night phone calls
Stopped
I knew it was over
Long before
The words came out of your mouth