the cloud was gathering
and i could tell that it was filling up
getting saturated
with enough grace
to rain on and erode
self-will and hubris
the dark, jagged, and silly monolith
which is ego and pride
so wide in our species.

as the cloud completely filled and spread across the expanse
a feeling of serenity and strength
spread out within me.

after awakening
it occurred to me
that the membrane between imagination and soul
is so thin they burst out on one another
on occasion
and when they do
something marvelous happens.
i think it happens more often
in artists, mystics, seekers, believers,
poets and children.

I'm not gonna get it perfect
But I just might get it wound
Bide my time and placements
San Francisco soon

The battle might be over
The battle might begin
Battle in Seattle
Thomas means the Twin

I'm up; it's 2:37
I wait for late October
Halloween Chicago
Play the Irish Rover

Halloween Chicago
Jersey Devil too
I ride the Tucson Train
I pray for him. I do.

            Not-two

Be gentle with me
I am water dressed up as fire

Be gentle with me
I say that I am a rock when air best suits me

Be gentle with me
Some days I may feel cool when inside I'm burning hot

Be gentle with me
Most times I look like I'm up but I've never been more down

Be gentle with me
Because I'm never truly as I seem.

I'll be gentle with you
Because I don't truly know what you're going through

My mind thinks of the worst things I could do to you
The worst person I've ever met
With your slander
And lies
I could destroy you
And I want to
But I won't
Because then I become you
And I could never forgive myself for that.

jagged illustrations
silent film
predestinations
oft fulfilled
split decisions
we just don't grasp
their lasting effects
coupled with the weight of the past
getting ahead of ourselves
or is it just me
simples pleasures spoilt
cause i can't not overthink

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense”
but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore.

Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed”
but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die.
But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem.

It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party,
I WANT to go to the party,
but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going.
Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness,
because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.

i can see it now
you'll pick me up at the corner
just like you used to
and we'll drive down the coast
heading nowhere with no cares
and the salty pacific wind
will weave through our hair
and make you laugh the way you do
from the bottom of your chest to my smile
you'll play me songs you found
and stowed away for this moment
like tiny treasure boxes of gold
with "i love you" inscribed on the side

this is what i dream about
this is what gives me peace

i never thought i would miss it so much.