When it was all over
I bought more pillows for my bed.

I needed to fill that space again.

You need to know how much you hurt me.

I just want to love and support you because I ******* care. How can you say one minute that you’re so happy and then the next you shut me out like I am nothing. And I do feel like I am nothing. I haven’t even told anyone about us but they all sense something is up and tell me that it isn’t right.

Even my dad, who has never once in his life made it known that he cares about the matters of my heart says that I deserve to be treated better. That he knows what he’s talking about.

I still just want to ******* wake up and hold you and I am so ******* stupid for everything when you just don’t give a **** about me.

How can it be so easy for you to stop talking to me? How can it be better to be alone all night long? How are you unbelievably content in aloneness.  It hurts to realize that maybe I do deserve better. It hurts to have this good thing ripped away from me. That I knew being vulnerable would only end in heartbreak and I did it anyway. Look at us now, is this really how it ends?

It hurts so badly to be waiting here, hoping you’ll come back to me.  Hoping to see you happily walk through some door somewhere. Stupidly hoping to see your beautiful brown eyes light up again when they look at me.

and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts.

Crumpled like another page torn out of your journal.
Almost like I wasn’t good enough.
Am I not good enough?

If you didn’t like me, just toss me out
Crinkle and tear me to shreds
Thats how this feels
And years from now
Many years
You know I’ll still be yours
I’ll still be a page from your journal
Your feelings
Your love
The things that you decided you didn’t want anymore

Freud says tattoos
Are
The Manifestation
Of a
Trauma

Every point
A
Separate pain
We
Have
Suffered

It took
Two
And a
Half
Hours

To complete
The
Diary
Of my
Trauma

And half a million perforations

To convert
Those
Memories
Into something

New

And

Beautiful

To finally
Let go
Of the past