not your body
not your skin
not the tips of your peachy fingers
not your passionate kiss
not your heart beat
not your breath hovering over my neck,
sending goosebumps and shivers down my spine
not your eyes sighting upon my beauty
or my loveliness or my seduction or my carefreeness
I want to feel you
move
inside
not inside of me
(though, that could be nice too)
inside of you
your own heart
your own echoing cage of ribs
that lock up even scarier skeletons
than the skeleton holding it all together
I want to feel you
without being with you
without holding you
without seeing you
without constantly thinking of you
without wanting you
I want to feel you
when I am miles away,
reading a book with a cup of tea in pyjamas
when you are in class and hear something brilliant
someone just said,
something that makes you stop and think of me
without resentment
without longing
without need
without hiding
something so simple, so clear and so pertinent
something that moves and removes the clutter
in you
I want to feel you love
yourself,
the world,
the trees, the scrapes on your heart’s knees
and me
with no want and no need

I am always the one who loves too much
who cares too much
that was the absolute reason why
I ended up with the biggest wound
I did that to myself
it was all my mistake
I am the one who pulled the trigger
to my head, up from my mouth
he was just there giving me the gun

We don't talk anymore
So I'll write you letters in the stars, that way I'll know for sure
that you'll read them
I'll say, "I miss you"
"I hope we talk again"
"I hope you're well"
I'll be like the moon
And love you from a distance
We don't talk anymore
And I'm not sure what hurts more
The things you said
Or the ones you didn't

I've been told to write what I feel
But what I feel about you is everything I hate about myself
I used to remember your words with fondness reading them off like love letters as if this was a Jane Austin novel
And now my stomach churns at the thought of you ever speaking to me again
Your silence struck me far more than words ever could and I'm terrified by this thought
So I close my ears to the incoming noise and pick a god to pray to
Because unlike you it doesn't matter if they wake up and decide I'm not worth any more of their time
They're not real but you didn't feel real either
We connected over four hours of traffic and wavelengths
Throughout our lives we seemed destined to cross but never touch
Just two parallel lines running alongside one another
And one of us tried desperately to travel a different path
Leading them to where they ought not go
Yet fate is fragile
It doesn't bend to yearning and wishful thinking

speak to me
for i no longer speak
my eyes are restless
my heart is weak

my life is a realm
which stands at the helm
of the worthless dead
whom live inside my head

do not break in
leave me be
to all that my weary
restless eyes see

let all that my heart
cannot hold back
rise from the death
and corruptively attack

and like gods among the wrath of the earth
let their power free
and cause such devastation
that only devastation can be

There's something beautiful about freckles and blemishes and imperfections before I'm made up in the morning. There's something right about naked in the mirror; flaws and scars and age that accumulates with the years. I am a story to be read. I've got skin like a song.