i would rather not
think about you being
touched and kissed and loved
by someone who is
completely unworthy to do so
who can't even bring you to
fulfillment
who doesn't know just how
you like to be touched
who draws from you those
quiet breaths and loud moans
who is selfish and impatient
and more concerned
with their pleasure than yours

i would rather not
think about these things
but now that i know
they are all i can think about

I am a *****
Minus the triggers being pulled and the drugs being sold
But just a black man bold enough to face a world so cold
A cold world we call society
When being black and sobriety doesn't mix because we use drugs in variety
But quietly
I am a *****
Thinking what made this word so negative
Is it because we made it positive
Or is it negative we became cognitive enough for a scholarship
Yes, I am a *****, no I'm not a rapper
But this system makes me sick enough for chicken soup and crackers
Yes, I am a *****, and I am an athlete
And I still maintain my sanity from having my *** beat
Although I am a *****, I am not lesser than you
Nor am I second to you
I just wonder what it takes to get the message to you
Crazy I'm a ***** yet I still know my father
Crazier calling me a ***** doesn't give me a bother
Maybe it's crazy that I'm a part of the problem
What's craziest is I'm a ***** still attending a college
You should have no problem reading this regardless of race
What's absurd is a word means more than a face
We're more focused on race than we are as a species
But I'm going to sit back and take a sip of this sweet tea
We went from black panthers, huge bushes, picks, and combs
I thought words could never hurt you?
What happened to sticks and stones?

I wish,
I could keep you
Free from endless fear.

I wish,
I could save you
From the never ending tears.

I wish,
I could tell you
All the stories of my years.

To insure you,
You aren't
Alone.

-ARI

They say that time is supposed to heal you
But after all these years
I've never felt more broken

K R W

Oh, my forsaken aching HEART!
   We shall forget him; You and I;
Let the lovebirds sing -
   The sorrows to the sky.

Ah, Prithee - Pass me the Gin;
     My heart needs to drown -
To hearken of better days;
     May it falter his Crown!

here's a big *******
to all the people who made me this way
who made me feel i am
hard to love
who made me feel like i am not enough
who made me feel insecure in their love
who made me beg and cry
and suffer through their silences
while i tortured myself over
what i'd possibly done to deserve it
who said i was too sensitive
and needed to make myself happy
because they couldn't be bothered to
ensure that i was safe and comfortable
with them
who put themselves first
and me last

and here's the biggest *******
to myself
for allowing any of this
and not seeing the forest for the trees
i deserved better
i deserved more
and now i'm haunted by these memories
because i can't make myself
believe that i am deserving

don't let me push you away
i will try
heaven knows i will try
i'm scared
my heart is fragile
and i'm full of distrust
but don't let me
hold my hands
kiss my cheek
and i will stay by your side

i want to help you
but i don't know how