A - the atrocity that my life has become
D - the damage, and still,  im not done
D - the denial, the doom in the vile,  dangerous, daunting; forever defile
I - the image I fake of myself, I- my constant &chronic; bad health.
C- the cost of a chemical wealth.
T for the tension, paranoia and fear. Yet it’s the letter that symbols it’s here.  
I - irrational, insensible, intense. I - irresistible iridescence .
O- for the option that I didn’t take, O for the others that still I forsake.
And N for nervous. Nauseous. Night. N, the neophyte, turned narcissist knight.

Transparent to everyone, how its hold is too true
So clear its invisible, Addiction did coo:  

“when you wake and feel my crave,
and all my charms  different behave;
resistance, strength, pain & choice,
may mute my spell,  quiet my voice.”
“embrace what little light is shed”  suggested addiction, faintly he said:

“For I can **** the best man dead,
with only shadows in their head.”

we all like to wait sometimes,
and sometimes
waiting is necessary.
but at this point
you cannot keep waiting
for the good to come.
you cannot sit and waste the week
because you’re waiting for the weekend.
you cannot sit and waste months
because you’re waiting for the summer.
life is happening right now,
right in front of you.
you need to take today
to go and make yourself happy.
you cannot just wait for tomorrow
and hope it brings something more.


                  t.s.

I visit this tree everyday
In my dreams.
I sit under it and
I contemplate all the complications of life.
I allow the autumn leaves to fall on me
While I think about how well we worked
How we were like stars colliding
How we floated above the earth
How you traced your finger
Down my spine
How you pulled a smile out of me
How you made me feel different.
But a storm has come
Ripping the tree from the ground
Only leaving the roots
Of what once was.

And now I'm without a home.
    
                 t.s.

Love is a scary ******* thing.
There's three potential stages.
There's the love that hits so hard
That it rattles your windows
Like the rain that hits
Once you leave the safety of a bridge.
There's the love that comes so softly
That it's a breath of fresh air
Like the summer breeze
You receive when sitting under a tree.
Then there's the love
That means something.
It makes your heart flutter
Like butterflies in a field.
It makes your stomach flip
Like you're hanging upside down.
It makes your cheeks sore
Like you ran 13 miles.

The saddest part?
You won't know what stage you're in
Until it's gone.

             t.s.

Every night, you pour
The venom down your throat.
It soaks into your veins,
Which makes the numbing start.
Each glass makes the pain
Fade away just a little more.
Your words begin to slur,
You stumble over the empty floor.

But tonight is a different night.

You've had your usual.
A little bit of Coke
Drowned in the venom.
You come in to say goodnight.
But tonight you're more numb
Than ever before.
You lean in to kiss me,
Your breath reaking of Jack.
You slip your hand under the covers,
And rub your hand on my back.
But tonight you don't stop there,
You keep sliding until you reach my ***.
You say, "it's okay baby. Daddy loves you."

The next morning
You're oblivious to the past.
And all you have to say is,
"Daddy loves you."

                             t.s.

I don't know where I'll be
In 4 years,
But I hope it's somewhere beautiful
And with you.
I don't know where I'll be
In 3 years,
But I hope it's staring at the stars
And with you.
I don't know where I'll be
In 2 months,
But I hope it's on a park bench
And with you.

I don't know where I'll be
In 1 day,
But I hope it's somewhere beautiful
And with you.

                  t.s.

You interlocked your fingers with mine
And you said it was love.
You pressed your lips to my forehead
And you said it was love.
You gave me wilted flowers
And you said it was love.
Your words clutched at my throat
And you said it was love.
Your hand slipped and left a red mark
And you said it was love.
You left a bruise this time
And you said it was love.
You broke my wrist now
And you said it was love.
You shoved me into a mirror
And you said it was love.

I'm lying cold in the ground now
And you still said it was love.

                      t.s.