you coax me in my turbulent nights
you keep me tight under the sheets
you hold me through the days
you let me rest and relax
you tell me to be carefree
you showed me freedom
you made me rest my pieces
that no risk need to be calculated
or so it seems

little did i know
your stomach was kept full when i lose appetite
the midnight oil was burnt for the sake of your future
you trade my property for treasure
you drove my car, convince me i don't need a license
you turn my life around and make it yours
you overrun my house, made me felt i was at home

your comfort, safety,
the rest, time and space you offered me
was your building blocks to a self-made reverie
a better bigger you, and the little old me
you practise and practise
while i eschew all plans for you
you decide to rebrand everything new
puzzles and chess
and when it all collides
when i see what conspires
too late for the afflicted
****, i am checkmated

You don’t understand how precious life is
until you’re in a room filled with the
strongest people you know,
and they’re
all
crying
over a life lost.

The tears are contagious and the hurt
never goes away
as you feel the loss radiating around
the room,
trying to fill the once lively
emptiness

Life is fleeting so always
make sure to email your grandma back
go on that lunch date with your best friend
tell the world how beautiful it is
and never
ever
waste your time away.

I miss the instant connection that we had

Why was it just you?
You,
who through all your drugs and alcohol could still write a paragraph of beauty.
You,
who hid your intelligence under a layer of nonchalance.
You didn’t know how happy I was then
You knew that we clicked like a lock.
But didn’t know that I’ve never felt that before.

You know what I miss?
I miss the ease of a smile around you
The lack of a guard.
The shared brainwave.
I don’t have that here

But the stars are here waiting for you to see
And the roads are open for us to run,
(even though we both despise it with a passion)
And we can sit at a table in the cafeteria and talk about the wildest things but it’s okay
Because they make sense to us.

You know what I miss?
I miss you.

I simmer in the anger
It surrounds me and
Brings life to a boil
Stretches the rubber band
Pulls back on the string of the bow
Hits the bottom of the bungee jump
Gets ready to fire the catapult

And SNAP

It leaves in red hot flashes burning with built up resentment
It snaps and cuts and hurts the innocent
Rather than the stokers of the fire
It slashes and leaves hollow emptiness
In a space once burning with the desire to
Scream
Yell
Lash
Hate
Thunder

A space burning to let go.

Infinite Programs  
Leading to Success …..
Searching for only one  
To Live with Failures ….

Between ifs and whys,  
Life's questions softly whisper,  
Truths in doubt arise.