i say that i love you
but i dont know what that means

i dont know
if it tells you i would
climb mountains
vault rivers
pull down the stars
all for you

i dont know
if it tells you i have
spent nights lying
awake
thinking
of what we used to be

i dont know
if it tells you i will
do everything
i can
to make everything
okay

once upon a time
way back when
we owned that town
through the eyes of children

maybe once upon a time
sometime soon
we could own this new town
through our own eyes

Once you were the one who put butterflies in my stomach and made them flutter all the while you were near -
but now they have turned into brutal wasps that cannot stop stinging every nerve in my body when in my mind you appear.

The yellow light illuminated our pale faces, it’s cold but not too cold, and we’re on the roof of a parking garage and everything feels like a movie. We don’t look at each other. We’re too busy staring into the empty space that occupies the air around us. I want to go up to you and hold your hand. I want to make the space feel less empty. You are shivering, as your black hair blends into the sky. The drugs made your face look really different. It's not how I remembered it. It is silent to both of us. We are too lost in the beauty of it all. The sounds of the cars, the people, everything is drowned out when we are with each other. We don’t think about the college rejection letters, the job applications, the things that make our lives real. I hope you forget about her like you forgot about yourself. I hope it brings you the peace you need. I want it to be like this forever. I walk over to you and lay my head on your shoulder, as we watch the cars drive off into the Fishers sky.  Everything seems to be drifting farther and farther away from us. I am scared.
We love eachother but we don’t.
It’s as simple and as complicated as that.
And i think that scares me the most

You remind my mind of magic this body had let go
like the tiny tender shoots that come before the snow
you make mock of mockeries a lesser heart might hold
and sing of things at once belied by souls already cold
You laugh long and easily in place of doubts and fear
my worry only complicates the things your eyes see clear
I held you once and dreamt of all the thoughts I'd help you see
I take my comfort knowing that the student has been me