The sand swirled around her bare feet and she closed her eyes
shards of lava nestled in her skin, forming a shield
indigo shells catching light as a sun sets in the reflection
the moon rises in the east as the sun blazes orange
clouds chasing one another like puffs of smoke rising from a fire
is that us my love? is the fading of a day the love you had
letting go
letting go
letting go
is that us my love? are we losing, are we losing, are we lost?

© Sia Jane

I was just guessing.
Kept on turning to the right.
But you're face and my make believe persona of you drove me to the left.
Like a drunk driver behind the wheel, I had no control.
Yet I let you still over come me.
So I found you.
I let you in.
Me, myself have lived on this hell bound planet for 22 years, and still couldn't find happiness.
Past "loves" made these fossil creatures look like peasants kissing the ground their holy queen walked on.
And I was the king.
In other words, you held that throne.
That happiness I was so thirsty for finally quenched me.
You were my absolute everything.
We moved quickly but not with a care.
Blinded though if you may, in a way.
Our family seemed unbreakable cause our contract said forever.
My first true love you were and are.
How *** was always nothing but lust, or what I thought was making love was false.
Till I stepped in you're great door.
Our eyes would lock and no one would ever find the lost key to unlock them.
It wasn't just ******* or sensation.
But making love.
The greatest vice and feeling I would ever encounter.
A year since our fairy tale ending and still I fail to experience that or anything greater, with any woman who has came my way.
From what you weren't aware of was what my previous relationship left me as.
Which was a hidden monster.
So all I knew was how to react off of emotion instead of logic.
Our different ways of life and guiding our own spawns couldn't compromise.
So we started falling apart, like a castle slowly losing it's structured bricks.
Never thought I truly live a real nightmare and knowing there was no waking up.
Reality.
The plane took me away from our departure and still I wait for a new arrival.
From what it looks like it will never happen.
All I am is set for failure and survival.
You know you were my favorite?
I wish I savored it.
Sometimes I wish I could get amnesia so it wouldn't even be memory.
But how can I?
When you was and still are my everything.

i.


the stars do not shine
loneliness presses the air
into a tangle of last years withered
leaves,
loneliness in summer leaves
that whisper to a grey moon
a song of regret.


ii.


dreams of midnight,
cool rain,
songs more alive
than this low-roofed night.


iii.


teardrops like the ghostly moon, lost
against the heart that
flutters like a dark sky
breathing stars.
  

iv.


the mottled horizon
pools into greys,
tender eyed with
soft sadness,

in these dim hours when silence
cloaks the woods and
human laughter disappears

we sink against the softer sky
and the slow fade of moon and
long for dream, for everything
to reawaken and unwind.


v.


we are swimmers heading as far
out as we can get. surreal silver
stars, opening like flowers,
refusing to drown.

where boys become men
and men become memories
...freedom's cost

When I find myself reaching back
Willing to taste the yesterdays
When all was good
And all the bad I now wear as a badge
For all that made me glad
I now reflect feeling sad

. . . standing in front of a picture window of a house in the nineteen fifties , watching life flash on by , 57 , 60 , 64 , 68 , 70 , 74 , 80 , 88 , 93 , 01, 08 , 15 . . .

all the unanswered questions
the feelings that I never belonged
like I am from somewhere else
another universe , somewhere gone