this poem is about you,
and the sadness that comes with the mention of your name.
this poem is about you,
regardless if i will it so, as i hoped not to.
this poem is about you,
your eyes, your voice, your hands, your hair.
this poem is about you,
and the way i almost hoped we never met, but not quite.
this poem is about you,
and i am enveloping here the silent prayer that,
somehow, wherever you are, my verse finds its way to you.

yet
this poem is also about me,
and how i still find myself smiling at your memories.
this poem is about me,
the girl who knows you and holds dear all that you are.
this poem is about me,
in as much as it is about my sleepless nights,
where you are a hero of my unhad dreams.
this poem is about me
and my strained longing to be with you.
this poem is about me,
as i lull myself into unfeeling with songs i have dedicated to you.

alas,
this poem is about us,
and our fears and doubts and misgivings.
this poem is about us,
telling of the kiss we’ve never shared.
this poem is about us,
our hands still imprinted against one another
since the last time they’ve held.
this poem is about us,
while i still have words for us.
this poem is about us,
until the next time we see each other again.

this poem is about you,
about me,
about us.
this poem is for you,
in case you’re wondering.
and this poem is for me,
in case i’m forgetting.

101815
*for j.e.

The heart breaks every so often
at the sound of closing doors.
The unstaying
(or even the uncoming)
drives its point
that maybe
it isn’t an option to settle.
One wonders
why yet again
love,
in essence,
is not enough
to bar life’s egress?
It’s a classic tale of hurting,
really,
where there are no heroes
or heroines,
only adversaries,
these hearts despairing,
accustomed to vacationing affections
that leave after the season’s end.


091615
*for c.d.

distance
is not so much
as space,
as it is absence.

*081415

panahon nang sumulat…
muli…
hubaran ang puso’t
bulatlatin ang mga alaala.

para saan pa’t
sa maraming tao’y
inimbak
ang luha
ng nakaraan,
kung ito’y kailanma’y
hindi mapapakinabangan?

kaya’t patawad, puso,
sa aking sayo’y pagpapaluhang muli.
salamat, isip,
sa iyong pagpapaunlak
sa hiling
na paminsan pa’y
isatitik silang kapagdaka’y
lumisan din.

*060915

i only have
a few words
for your crap,
and i say this politely:
*******...
please.
grow *****,
then we'll talk.

for j.h.
*060215

your pain
wraps itself
around my heart,
a noose
surprisingly tight
for one
of letting go.

it whispers
against my ears
of tears overflowing,
drowning
what is bottled up
inside.

i empty
your words
into my palms,
allowing each memory
to filter through
my fingers,
every metaphor
to cut through,
each sick longing
to permeate.

i must admit
that i have no use
for your heartbreak,
for i have enough
of my own
to last me
through the night,
but i soak myself through
nonetheless,
allowing
what is taken
from your heart
to find its way
through mine.

each poem
leaves a ****
i dare not
stare at
for too long.
it is enough
that i feel.
it would have been
too much
if i should see,
if i should revel
at what is
unacceptable
even before your eyes.

so tonight,
let me be blind
but feeling,
sensitive
to every throbbing
wound
you've nursed,
to every cry
you've muffled.
tonight, i mourn
with you
the loss
of a love
not worth having.

i weep with you,
love,
not because
i, too, have experienced
your defeat,
but because i, too,
have loved you,
and like
everything else
that rots,
we, too,
shall find
our resurrection
in the decay.
one day soon,
we’ll find
our salvation
in surrender.


for k.c.
*053015

certain moving ons
do not require goodbyes.

sort of our case - - -

with both of us
needing to let go
without us having to part.

for a.c.
*051215