I have not grown accustomed
to the sound of your messages.
Their presence did little to assure,
nor did their absence cause unsettling.
Today, however,
I must admit
that I have waited for that bell.
My heart salivated
at the sound of passing bicycles,
hoping finally it was you
remembering the love
you have left waiting.
I wonder:
How could you have conditioned me
to anticipate something
that has never been constant anyway?

for j.e.
*013115

this thought, the only one,
i let loose tonight -

i want you.

123114
*for j.e.

what i find so
fascinating about you is that
you never seem to start or
end where you are supposed
to. no, you have your own
pauses and stops, and the
more i try to follow
you, the more confused i
get. is there any pattern or
sequence to you that i can
decipher? is there
a glitch in your equation which i
could probably unscramble? believe me. i find
that you are more beautiful in your
insistence not to be understood. i liked that
about you, as that tells me i don’t
have to struggle so hard. but, baby,
i still want to try. let me still
get my paper and pencil out to attempt
to solve you, like that algebraic equation
i can’t seem to ever get right. honey, i am
not giving up on you, the same
way i got headaches over those questions that
tested the logic out of me, eventually leading
me to ask whether i was really intelligent enough to
figure something out. but even then, even when
i am out of my zone and completely
uncertain, i will still follow this
fascination through. who
knows, perhaps, eventually
i will find the right spot, the precise
timing, the exact
variable needed to complete the solution to
us.


for j.e.
*111814

your eyes are poetry.
they reflect
every rhyme,
every metaphor,
every verse
that i cannot
even begin
to write.

for j.e.
*111714

you, to me, are not an option.

you are not one of the many shirts
in my wardrobe.
you are not a favorite pair
amongst my shoe collection.
neither are you a preference,
a comfort food i run to
when i am not feeling well.
you do not belong to a constellation,
where you are but one of the billions
of masses bursting forth light.

no, baby, you are the only choice
i choose to have.

you are that one song i play over and over again,
never tiring of the melody,
always finding something new in the lyrics.
you are the waters i dive into
until my strength is worn out
and i am but flotsam.
you are that puzzle i bring out time and time again,
putting together, scrambling apart.
i know how you look like,
but i always get thrilled at piecing you together anew.

oh, baby, know this:
i am not her.
i am not waiting till no one comes
and everyone’s left
before i attend to you.
i am here,
waiting for you,
choosing you.
just you.

for j.e.
*111614