We couldn't go back
               Even if we wanted to.

I see you, you say nothing. No hi. No nothing. (I haven't seen you for what feels like a millennium.) You just stand there. Hello? I call to you. You respond. You walk away.

I hug you, you do nothing. No return. No nothing. (I haven't given you a proper hug since that Sunday where I cried like a child.) You just stand there. Hello? I call to you. You respond. You're quiet.

I touch you, you do nothing. No return. No nothing. (I haven't touched you, properly touched you, for months.) You just stand there. Hello? I call to you. You respond. You move away.

I say I love you. I say I love you, so ******* much. ( I love you.) Hello? I call to you.

You don't respond.

Hey, I'm really glad we're talking like we are.       [delete]
I know what you're feeling. [delete]
I feel the exact same.      [delete]

Yes, I know how much you like this girl.             [delete]
I'm sure she knows too.             [delete]
Is it me?                  [delete]

It's you, you bumbling idiot.     [delete]
I love the way you fumble and the way you mumble.       [delete]
I kind of really love you.        [delete]

I love the way you look at me.   [delete]
I love the freckle on your thigh.            [delete]
I love the way you touch me. [delete]
I love the way you sigh.    [delete]
I love how you laugh with me. [delete]
I love how much I try. [delete]

Hey, it's been a while. How have you been?        [delete]
Hi.                                         [delete]
I really miss you, man. Please come back.             [delete]
I love you.               [delete]

Why the **** do you keep acting like this?       [delete]
Am I the problem?      [delete]
So do you intend to **** me up the way you do, messing with my ******* mind?       [delete]
You love her, you like me.     [delete]

I hate the way you look at her. [delete]
I hate all of your lies.     [delete]
I hate the way you touch her.   [delete]
I hate the way she sighs. [delete]
I hate how you laugh with her. [delete]
I hate how much I try.         [delete]

I hate how much I love you.     [delete]

You've always reminded me of a forest.

Not because of your chestnut hair.

Not because of the branches of your fingers.

Not because of the roots that show on the tops of your hands.

But because of the way I can never understand you.

Sometimes, I think I do.
Sometimes I feel that I've laid my path of bread down behind me.
Sometimes I think I know the way out.
But then the birds of your being devour my pathway.

They come and they go and they leave me all alone.

Lost.

And then I'm stuck.
I don't know where I am.
All alone.

But then I remember.
I am lost in the forest of you, and you can't help, because trees can't talk, to me.

And that's the thing.
You've never really spoken to me about anything.

I remember once you told me that you wanted to cut your roots and leave.

That you weren't needed here.

That you wouldn't be remembered.

I told you that was a lie to befit Tony Abbott. You didn't believe me.

Do you believe me now?

Do you believe me when I say that your being here has planted seeds in my heart on soil I thought was barren?
Do you believe me when I say that the way you make -feel- has sprouted blossoms in the corners of my mind where the sun has never shone?
Do you believe me when I say that your absence would start the logging of my soul, cutting down what I thought was impenetrable?

You're stubborn. You're confusing. But you're solid. You don't let anything through your walls. And that's why you've always reminded me of a forest.

You look good
(But you don't look great)
How have I been keeping
(I'm preoccupied)
Caught up in lesser things
(Feeling overwhelmed)
Starting a whole new story
(And you've stayed perfect)

I'm sure that you've been well
(And writing a whole new life)
How are your mum and dad?
(What about that brother?)
Will you go back to England?
(Will you go to Rome?)

I know that you'll choose wisely
(I hope you die alone)
Will you make it home alright?
(I want you to disappear)
I'll hope to see you soon
(Please won't you fade away?)

So I guess this is bye
(For the very last time)
Have a brilliant night
(And get out of my life)
Goodbye
(Goodbye.)

I hope you fall in love. Real, proper love. I hope you fall in love with someone who hears symphonies in your heartbeats and sees nebulae in your eyes. Someone who will go with you on those wondrous trips you've always dreamed of. I hope you find the person who will fit into the piece of your heart you've desperately been trying to fill for so long. I hope you fall in love with someone who deserves every beautiful, ******* piece of you, but most of all? I hope you fall in love with someone who falls in love with you.

Boy, I'll tell you what we were.
We were the puddle, but never the rain.
The shadow, but never the light.
Boy, we were the leaves, spiralling downwards,
But never the tree.
We were the whisper, but never the words.
We were sparks, just after the fire had died,,
and only ash and smoke were left.
The quiet expectation between the roaring thunder.
We were a thought, slipping off a tongue.
A question, but never an answer.
Boy, we were always what could've been
Except sometimes, we were.

Hearts dancing to their frantic rhythms
Hands exploring vast lands

He was beautiful
But in the ways you'd think
He was beautiful
In the sense that his words tasted like a hurricane
The way his lips brushed mine
with the feeling of security
That everything would be okay again
He was beautiful
In the way he carried an air of timeless empathy about him
How he felt against the rhythmic beating of my heart
He was beautiful in the way he was there through my bad ideas
And in our time together
I had many bad ideas
He was beautiful
Because he knew what I needed to hear
The words he last spoke to me
He was beautiful
Because he refused to taste the sadness as it crept up inside
Even when it was the last thing I gave to him.