it's okay to fall out of whatever we had
but i hope we learn lessons out of what it was
i learned that sometimes i need to not think with what i feel
and i hope you learn that it's okay to feel
but i want you to learn to not pretend
if things aren't okay, that's alright, but you need to speak
don't just drop things when things get bad
talk about them.
because just ending things after pretending their good is terrible
and it screws the other person up
i hope the next person you are with makes you happier
and that the lessons you learned with me
will make it easier
i hope that you will feel better and be ready

i hope all of these good things will come to you and you will be better
but i dont know the future
for all i know you may come back to me one day
for all i know you could also continue on your path
never bumping into the past again
and that's okay
just use the lessons you've learned from your past
they will help you
even if it was a terrible memory
use your lessons, they will save you in the end

i am so sick of these ******* walls I've built
I've been in toxic relationship after toxic relationship
and it made me build a ******* house and I don't wanna do it anymore
I have this feeling deep down that your not gonna hurt me
and I really just wanna follow it
because you don't deserve that
you shouldn't have to be with someone who puts up guards
one of my biggest fears is being vulnerable
because then I could seriously get hurt
and I wanna have faith that you won't hurt me

people ****, they've just hurt me and now I'm scared i'm going to hurt you
out of fear my walls just go up
and i'm just trying to break them down
because you deserve the good
and i'm terrified but you should get that
if you don't get anything else you deserve to at least see the good in me
i promise one day i'll tell you about the people who built them
but you don't need that and now isn't the time
just know that i'm trying, even if you don't notice that i'm working on it
i really am

i will admit, i am absolutely terrified as to what is happening
i hate not knowing what one is thinking and what's going on
and right now, there is a lot of unknowing going on
i have so many questions and i have no idea how to voice them to you
what are you feeling?
what do you want?
why me?
so many things i just want to ask
but i don't know how your feeling
and I'm too scared to ask you
okay, bad choice of word
i'm not scared, i'm anxious
of what the outcome of asking could be
and questions just lead to more questions and its an infinite cycle
Am i supposed to start the chain?
Do i just sit here and see if something starts happening?
I don't know and i'm so uncertain of everything except how i'm feeling

in the early months we see beauty return to the world
right when we thought colorful art would stop returning
in these early months we learn so much
one of the hardest for most to accept and see
is that everything will die eventually
the beautiful flowers will one day wilt and return to being soil
the leaves on the trees will fall to the ground and become a playground for children
and one day the grass is going to be covered by the freezing snow
and just like plants, we will one day die too
this is simply just how it is
we die and will become food for worms and fertilizer for new life
but our spirits will live on and return to the beautiful spring
although most fear dying, you don't need to my dear
because the flowers have shown us that good always returns
you have existed before, you exist now, and you will continue to
accept this, for you are a flower too

i have begun to hate this new life we've started to live
because your never here
and when you are your always asleep
don't get me wrong, i understand why it's like this
but i hate it
because your never really here
when you are awake your exhausted and your in a sleepy haze
and i can't talk to you anymore
there's no time to
and your my safety blanket
you are my human
you keep me sane
sitting and talking and thinking with you is what keeps me steady
and yes, i might be acting selfish right now
but i just want it go back to the way it was

i adore my best friends lover
in a platonic way i think he is one the best kinds of human
he holds all of these emotions and he isn't afraid of them
he shows his vulnerability and the ability to be wounded
and he gives you his faith that you won't
he gives all of his love to the people he cares about
and it's very rare to see that in someone his age
but i think the most astounding thing he has shown me
is his infinite amount of love for her
he loves her with every fiber of his being
and i don't think i have ever seen someone love another human
quite like her loves her
i adore him and how he cares for others
he is so beautiful in his energy and he deserves the whole world
i hope he's always aware that people love him
and that good will stick to him as long as he allows
i hope he doesn't forget that we care

how does one identify another by a scent
because one's scent is always changing
so how do we connect them to one?
do we connect them to the scent of their skin after a morning of slumber
the scent of their sweat after the evening run
the scent of their favorite shampoo
the scent of their perfume on date night
are we to pick our favorite of the many and claim that be them
or do we choose the most consistent
so tell me, how are we to connect a smell to a person?