We have to keep our God placated with prayers, and even then we are never sure of him -- how much higher and finer is the Indian's God......Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact; the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his ***** and does it free of charge.
Mark Twain

It seems that it truly is our own intolerance of others that will do us all in. We need to occasionally look at ourselves and the things we believe. How else can we ever effect change. It almost makes me wonder why Jesus decided to come here as a 6 ft white man with blue eyes. This in a area where the population is under six ft tall and has light brown skin and brown eyes. He certainly would have stood out. We all know what populations do to those who are different. It is enough to ponder that a man doesn't know if he should laugh or cry! Could it be as simple an observation as this? Could it be true that man created God in his own image? That would surely be one way of explaining him acting like us.

I have given this much thought. Many friends over the years have asked me if they should confess to their lovers. I have come to see it is a selfish act. While most religions and 12 step programs say confess as the Catholics do. I say no. You are crushing the innocent partners soul with your confession. Sometimes it's better to take responsibility for your actions. Live with the pain of what you did. It will help guide you next time. When one laments the wrongs of their life it creates these pains. They are called the conscience. So live with them. And try to be better next time. I have made many mistakes and I shall atone for them in the end. I did these things myself and it is not for others to suffer the consequences. I am glad I will take my own transgressions with me. After all I am responsible for what I do as is everyone. I have spent many years trying to reconcile with myself. I am not saying I did anything truly awful. However I let myself down more than a few times in my youth.

After my divorce Tate and I spent a few years with only ourselves as immediate family. Such was the catharsis that led me to begin writing. He and I bonded, in a struggle to overcome the odds against us. Then came the day I met Rebecca. Sometime after I began dating her Tate said to me. "That's the one for you. Marry Her!". The same idea was going through my mind. So it was to be that she accepted the proposal. Since then Rebecca has added to our clan so much. It nearly overflows with children, nephews, nieces, and relatives of every kind.
It was said that Leonardo Da vinci once was apprenticed to a master painter. His master came over with his brushes to investigate Leonardo's progress on a painting. Upon looking at his apprentices work. It was reported a tear flowed down his cheek. He lay his brushes at Leonardo's feet and never picked them up again.
Such is the case with Rebecca.
Thank you Becky

I suppose we all want to believe that in the end we will be rewarded for our deeds. I say what matters in this life? Could it be we learn kindness is it's own reward? I will talk to God when and if I see him. But friends don't need help in Heaven. They need help on Earth. So I shall do the best I can with the resources allotted to me. May all your wishes come true.

It is a humbling thing to create a child. To see yourself through their eyes. Most men believe death the great equalizer. It isn't true at least for those who have passed away. The truth is the great equalizer is the birth of your own child. Only then do we fear the truth and realize our actions have consequences. We realize then everything we ever do from that point on will be studied and mimicked in fine detail. Reflecting good or ill upon our children's future. With them go the hopes and dreams of all humanity.

Whenever I think the best is all behind me I look to my blessings. There I see the joys of my wife and granddaughter and the hope they embody therein. Though there may be fewer days ahead than behind. It is quite evident they will be every bit as beautiful.

When I raced horses I met some of the most interesting souls. To them the family made up of fellow horsemen were their world. In many ways they taught me most of the values I hold dear. If my heart were a hard drive three quarters of it would be filled with the thoughts, feelings and lessons they gave freely to me. I remember when this happened I was 19. The Finns were a tight knit family. We were racing the secondary circuit. No one seemed to have any money most of the time. The blow dealt the Finn family that day was so devastating I couldn't help but feel it. I thought to myself I am so young I can always make more money. It was just a matter of what was the right thing to do. After that the Finns regularly schooled me. Each time I was in to race my own horse Fred or Merle or one of the others would roll up alongside and make sure I not only got out in the end, but that also knew when to move. When you are young in that sport there are so many things to think about and do in a race such as monitoring the stopwatch. A young man gets confused and overwhelmed by all of it. One occasion Freddy came alongside in the last turn and yelled " Hey Tate it's time to pull"! Then he promptly went wide to let me out. It is so much better to have friends when one is in such a profession. They can help you or they can crush you. The arrogant man will bite the dust.

What makes a man a man? I say the respect of his fellows. So no matter the infirmity, I always saw the man behind the pain. Therein lies our humanity.

Ole Farley was a regular fixture around the track. He had been everywhere ,done everything, or so he claimed. Teller of tall tales and whimsical dreams. He was the epitome of our childish inner selves, and I adored him. He was to this little boy a fascinating figure from history. Take a bow Farley. You were one of a kind and the worlds greatest storyteller.

Who can truly say that only they know the heart of another soul? The sad truth of this is that it is a true telling of an actual event.The people I met through the years engrained their stories in my mind. Where I wrote them down and stored them. All I met there were at odds with life. So I suppose judge not lest you be judged. With Peaches I realized his fascination with me was partly my youth and part my resemblance to the treasure he had lost. May he find peace in his afterlife so denied him in life.

I am forever looking back upon the road I traversed. I don't always like what I see. But I have for reasons unknown to me always been able to see the better angel of my nature. I look into the hopeful eyes of my granddaughter and see the beautiful soul of innocence. It is for that hope that I strive to be a better man.

The weight we place upon the shoulders of our children is also a heavy burden we carry upon our own souls. Knowing they will try to reach those expectations, whose fault is it really but ours if they cannot? We give them the gift of life. Then try to lead by example. However we can only hope we have done well by them and headed them in the right direction. Let happiness be your guide!

My ex wife and I were asked to dinner a month ago. Andrew asked me for my daughters hand in marriage. I said" have you asked her?" "Nope" he said. "Well what if I said no?" "Well I guess I wouldn't be able to ask her then." "Oh yeah you can marry my daughter I said." So last night we went to dinner in Dayton Ohio. We were near the campus of the University of Dayton. That is where they met 6 yrs ago. I did not know till later it had been that very day 6 yrs ago.Oh if only you coulda seen it A sign was draped off the building to tell her he had something to say. So the students had gathered round. Then last night exactly 6 yrs to the day at 5:57 pm the moment they had met he got down on one knee in front of his family my family all his friends and hers and proposed on the green it was great. How he managed to get all the friends and relatives there I don't know. Because none of us lived there. Even he and she were both in Cincinnati where Aris is getting her Masters degree. The funny thing is Tate says to me he had visited Aris there yrs earlier at 11 yrs old. Aris had she said "quick Tate hide behind the bookshelf there's this guy who is stalking me he knows I have a boyfriend. But he keeps coming to my room asking me for help with homework But he is as smart as me he doesn't need help" lol It was Andrew her fiancee who won her heart and beat out the guy she was dating for her hand. I tried to pay for dinner. However Andrews father wouldn't hear of it. Obviously like father like son. He had already handled the bill. So I offered to buy him a drink. He suggested we all go down the street to a pizza place and bar where the kids hang out. So we walked down the street and a drunk yelled at us " Hey your the girl that got engaged aren't you?" Lol We get to the place and open the door. There inside were all of my daughters friends from life. Those Aris went to school with from kindergarten through college including her cousins. They had come from all over the state. Andrews friends had come from further, as far away as Georgia. Now none of the parents on our side knew they were there. It was the most moving scene in recent memory. I'll tell you it takes a confident man to arrange all this and not have my daughter find out. Risking it all on the hope she will say yes. He had gotten the ring almost a yr ago. But had been saving for it for a yr and a half. He asked her to marry him the very minute on the very spot where they had met 6 yrs before. I know we all left there knowing we had met a master of romance . For making my daughters dreams come true I tip my hat to this boys character.

Christ said " No greater love has any man than to lay down his life for a friend"
While war seems the ultimate test of this tenant. It is the ultimate shame of humanity. While I see the need of it in WW1 and WW2. These skirmishes since have been needless waste. Humanity will destroy itself if it doesn't stop this. If we don't find the way to forgo war we will all surly die from the shame of it. The countless women and children killed by it are enough reason.

Life isn't easy. It isn't meant to be. But sometimes, just sometimes we reach out and touch the soul of humanity making it all worthwhile

Who can say with any certainty just which way in life is the correct path? It has been my contention and then my conviction, that one is best served by following the heart. It sometimes leads us to pain or the highway to hell such as the road that claimed one of our best and brightest Janis Joplin. After failing twice before to find my own place in life I asked myself. Which is worse to give your all and ultimately fail, or to never truly risk anything? For me the answer lies somewhere within the failure of truth to teach us the value of the real treasures in our lives. Taking stock in ourselves and our own self-worth and given enough time and a bit of luck it will take us to the place where we learn the meaning of love, that place we inevitably call Home!
Failure is only present in he who refuses to risk his pride in the effort.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/aristate/1064634/

It is always the inner hope striven for throughout our lives that at one time our dreams will intersect with our reality. Such has been my own experience these last 4 years. A life spent alongside the one you love gives the meaning and purpose so sought for and desired. Happy Anniversary Becky!
Tate
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/aristate/1067849/

When we are young our own hopes and dreams are the only thing on our minds. Then comes the day when you realize how short and how sweet life truly is. When your child looks at you as a man and smiles with that innocent unwavering admiration for what you take for granted. The ability to put a roof over their heads and a song in their heart. I was thinking of my little friend Drake Cooper today. He use to run down the hall screaming "Tates here"!.Then jump in my arms. It reminded me of my own boy when he was that little. And so endeared him to my heart.

For all the fathers whose unsung dreams were just to be a part of their child's life.
Tate

Our roots are almost always interesting. I think in my case I loved the roots to my great great grandmother. She was an institution. Older than Methuselah. I thought she was sister to father time. But she always seemed to take a liking to me.

When my friend took leave of this earth I wasn't ready to see him go. It felt like such a tragedy. There are some absolutes about this life that don't adhere to our way of thinking. In truth I have never been injured this way. It is all about growing up. I know it may strike some strange but I have been fortunate to have avoided these pains till now. And fortunate to have had such a friend.

I am sure having known the Conrads that his children just wanted to keep him from harm. However men like Elmer can't be told what to do. They have led their lives by a code unlike the average man. Elmer was no average man! Elmer Conrad was a part of the track just as the history of our country. He was the constitution and conscience of us all. One time he cut ******* off with a chain saw and barely missed a beat. He played cards everyday. The old ones respected him. But I admired him. In all his years we never figured out many of the ways he had kept from us so long. The secrets he had learned followed him to the grave,as did our feelings and admiration for his spirit! As a young man I felt a little poorer for the loss of such a spirit. As if I wanted Elmer to witness my rise through the ranks and approve. Yet he would never get that chance. He had been the guest on the Carson show the year before as the oldest living Driver. I remember watching him and thinking he is so cool!
When I was real young I worked for 50 dollars a week night and day as apprenticeship 7 days a week, just to learn what I needed to survive. Those days served me well and they made a man of me. For 6 generations my family had raced horses. From that I look back with pride on those days and nights as the foundation of my character. I am not one who believes that finishing third is winning.I think we do our children a disservice by awarding them trophies for participation. It is the truth of life that excellence is the key to success. Life is meant to be hard.
I use to look at Elmer and I knew from the tip of his hat to me that he approved. He watched me work night and day. He saw with what deference I paid homage to my own father and in me I hoped he had found something of himself and the times that led to the man I was so enamored with and approved. He reminded me of my own grandfather who like Elmer was one of a kind!
May God Rest His Soul

As a boy Tony Williams and I were most fortunate to have his families hundred acre estate to roam on. In a fool-hearty downriver adventure. He and I had attempted to ride the current during a storm upon a tube with a door atop it. The tube struck a fallen tree downstream and turned under the water. We both thought it was the end. Happily we both bobbed up on the other side and floated 6 miles down to my grandfathers Eddies bridge where we secured a ride home. On the way home Tony said "Well this day is shot all to hell! One didn't know what might come next with Tony. But one things for sure, another day meant another adventure.

Drake and I have had a bond that was as strong as any father and child. I passed my knife onto Drake because he would appreciate it. I had hoped whenever he held it he would think of the bond between us. Then last Christmas my own son Tate gave me a new knife a Winchester of such exquisite beauty. Tate and I have always been extremely close. When I die, as I will, I hope this blade helps my son to remember the love that forged our bonds through life. May they hold to his heart long after I'm gone. For Drake may he always know with what Love I always think of him and hope for his future. Drake will always be as loved by me as my own blood. He is to me one of my own.

It was 1998. I was crossing the western dessert to the coast. I remember this woman and her two little girls. How scared they were to be on the road alone and broke down. The sun was so relentless that day. I was on a trip to southern California to deliver a box to the docks. I had a hard time convincing them to go with me. I paid the mechanic to fix the car and gave the woman money for gas. The little girls so like my own. The mechanic brought their car around. The girls were drinking pop on the bench outside the diner, awash in smiles as I drove off toward the setting sun. I know they thought that I had been a godsend. What they didn't know was that they had given me much more than I did them. I found my thoughts drifting back to my own children and thinking of how blessed I was.

My days as a child were filled by adventures. Some turned out good some bad. This one we pulled small trees and bushes out to throw over the bank where the creek took a hard turn. We wanted to keep the bank from eroding. However we kept going till we had torn out god knows how many trees and bushes. Too Many! But like most of the adventures we had we were plenty tired when we finished..It is this loss of activity that makes Americas children overweight. If we keep going the way we are our children will one day go to detox for being addicted to their phones.

The years pass us by so quickly. Sometimes I wonder what has happened to them all. However I am blessed with a loving child who has given me so much. I share these memories with all my friends in reverence to the life and love they have marked.

I watch my son and his first love with great intent. I can only hope he has learned from my mistakes. It is entirely possible these two will go on to live lives shared by each. While as a parent I would love to spare my child from the pain that often comes from first love, I realize that would be wrong. I am glad these two have each other. To watch them together is to see myself as a boy and remember my first love. I can but only hope they find what their hearts desire within each other and then of course within themselves.

Rebecca has become such a part of me I can hardly tell where I end and she begins. I am eternally grateful and shall stay so as long as I walk this earth. Thankfully she doesn't look at my past failures as possible future ones. However I hold no delusions about my own misgivings. I tend to leave the house a wreck. I am not easy to get along with. I tend to think I am always right. That aside I have but one true redeeming characteristic,that of total unending devotion. May it prove to be enough to carry the day.

Who can say with any certainty that one day this will not be their own fate? "There but for the grace of God go I". These people had hopes dreams children families. Who cares why they have fallen down? It is the duty of humanity to lift them to their feet. In this era of globalization we have taken a step backwards in civility. Gone are the days of pensions and compassion. Crushed under the jackboots of the giant corporations that don't believe in humanity at all. Corporate profit is all that matters to the world now. All are made to be thrown out none are saved or even repaired. Our politicians are as corrupt as ever selling our birthrights to the highest bidder and leaving the old and infirm along the side of the road. Greatest place in the world? The day will come when we are given the choice to end our days through euthanasia. Rather than to live as an outcast to the society that no longer values us. Welcome to the 21st century. Everything we hear is an opinion not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective not a truth. Many have been convicted on an opinion of a perspective.

I knew this this day would come. It is so near I can taste it. I will walk out to see him off with a smile upon my face. Give him the speech I like to call "what it means to be a man". Tell him to trust his instincts. Never take something for nothing. Never take unfair advantage of another nor let them take unfair advantage of him. Help those who need it and respect all the women in his life. "Son the value of a man lies not in what he owns, but in what he gives to others". Then I'll wave as he sets off, as my heart simply breaks.

It is always the bitterest of pills That which makes us look at ourselves for who we truly are. Not for the one we wished to be. Like many I am no stranger to vanity. We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
Life has taught me there are three ways we are perceived.
1. The way we see ourselves
2. The way others see us.
3. The way we truly are