counting stars like the ticks of seconds on the clock
dare i hold her hand a little tighter
i do believe her hand holy
blessing a sinner like me
artemis stares, i blink
and if i believed in god
i would’ve thought she was standing there in front of me

Three made me sob on my floor until my lungs turned to stone and my wet face leaked down to my chest.
Pried at my ribs and dug in to find what I offered you, what you took so hastily.
In it’s place was something so heavy, so hard and lifeless.
A foreign object in the center of my being
It weighed down all of me, I could feel it creeping through my veins into my arms, legs, fingertips, toes.
It was cold and full of static.
I had to learn how to walk again,
My morning coffee came out stale,
My dinners turned into bottle-caps and buttons as I tried to pierce them with my fork
Eye contact clicked like south and south, north and north.
Did you give her what you took from me?

I want to write something
For you

I keep dreaming of you

I heard that one's mind can't make up a face so everyone you seen is someone you've seen

I hope I'll see you again

I remember how your hair fell over your shoulder
When you grabbed my arm

I remember kissing you
How it felt like light exploding
When our lips met

I remember your smile was the first thing I saw
My only thought was to hold you tighter
Before I woke up
Light still warming my lips

the sky paints a familiar purple
a lilac trailing in the form of clouds
its vivid reflection dancing upon your skin
and your fingertips, and mine,
and the corners of your lips.

sometimes, it's in the bruises on your knuckles
or the cold blueberries on somber evenings
the way lavenders adorn your long dark hair.
windswept yet sightly.
and your darling voice would lull me to sleep
and send my soul alight.

but time and again,
its the middle ground for the head and the heart
the brief moment between sunset and evenings
the mauve that says i love you without need for words.

assurance and certainty placed among the berried table
the courage to wade in it's deepest depths.
avert your gaze skyward and see
even the vibrant heavens can be
a place where you can lay your soul to rest.

And you're beautiful,
and that catches me,
caught in the snares of awe and empathy,
plus sweet summer associations.
If misery welcomes company,
we’d enough misery to
warrant one another’s company for a million years.

Are men an acquired taste?
Women leave me
wondering intently
though I should leave a
small and short brief-moment
to remain musing.
Better slow than hasty
but she’s looking really tasty
and my heart’s all in.
A guys just not the same but
still my heart’s all in.
I’ve tried, is it
simply still too early?
Is it my youth,
are men acquired taste?
Girls make my heart skip a beat
but who’s to say that’s where I meet,
atop that certain label
simply “I’m not it”

She was a shadow
Changing shape into
women I know–
and it was less about
body language, and more
about wanting
And I leaned in gently,
and she, regretful, told me–
And I had made
one of those senseless
dream-mistakes–
Katherine and
Gracie, know that
I’m sorry,
is this how I turn out?
She’s a friend, she’s
“not into it” and I
felt
the guilt of it.

“Perdón, amor,”
I’ll call you “love”
so quick and bright
with a smile-
Don’t mean
you’ll stay
but just that “hey,
you’re someone I enjoy.”

And mention you might I
don’t see me as cute
in the way
one looks at a child-

Try as I might
I do take “no” as an answer
Let’s just speak to one another
and I’ll be content.

Intimacy apparent in every word and gesture,
you wanted peaceable company.
I wanted flame and someone to love.

I question myself:
Do I want a girl,
and the mind’s eye says it
could be you?
Perhaps it’s what we had,
briefly,
and the legitimate possibility
of the lovely new?