FLASH

"the exposure looks kinda funny"
"maybe just adjust the aperture a bit"
"add in the lighting"
"is the white balance set?"

the chair squeaks as it moves to the left
the weight shifts the couch in their direction
heat radiates from the family
whose fake smiles are nearly as blinding as the flash from the camera
despite the tripod, the camera sits off kilter
like the uneasy tension in the room
it feels hot--no, sweltering
unsettled emotions sit like
discarded mail
away and out of sight

CLICK

"Okay, we're good"

and the family heads off in their separate ways
with no goodbyes for the others

i rarely use the word happy anymore
because i’ve realized what a temporary
thing it is
it’s funny i think i’ve use it in the past
to make others happy
i’m sorry that i can’t be happy
for you
because i can’t be happy
for myself
so used to this low dark feeling
that feeling good is unsettling
if a tree falls in the woods alone
with no one to hear it
does it still make a sound?

.
Aimlessly wandering
   with a feeling of agitation,
      caught somewhere between
         browsing with interest
            and prowling with intent.

Distressed and unsettled
   like anticipating trauma,
      mooching with an emotion
         that something is imminent
            yet its nature remains veiled.

The horizontal line defines a stability and yet,
it has started to list off to one side.
Tiny perforations promise fragmented logic
by osmosis revealing the storm implied.
The tap of excitable energy is dripping slow
threatening balance with a flood rip tide.
Empathy walks with the expectant father pacing
and coils of despair knot so deep inside.

A nervous anxiety
   grips psychology and waits,
      caught somewhere between
         bleak submissive acceptance
            and stark naked panic.



© Pagan Paul (22/05/18)

After all that time it was finally over.  I found peace with it.
Then all of a sudden a warm sunny day started howling with wind and my branches were no longer still but swinging side to side
Awaiting, the arrival of the storm

Unsettled,
Deep inside.
There isn't a place
To hide.
You can pretend.
Oh yes,
My friend.
**But the inky night
Brings fears to light.