I am unsteady
Unable to cope with these thoughts
With each new trouble I'm never ready
Unprepared for what life has thrown
Feeling as if I could choke
On these memories I own
I'm not worthy of what is good
But not deserving of the evils
If I could erase the past I would
And still I can't forget what I should
The tears in my eyes have not yet to fall
Because I remember when I do cry, I don't cry but bawl.
Then I structure and build a great wall
And grow and grow in reverse, anything but big, oh so small.
The hair in my face still glistens as it snows
My blinking eyes flicker at the reminder that it's me you chose.
The cheeks on my face as red as a rose,
But thoughts in my mind, as they quickly slow.
Makes me wonder, what are our plans?
Will you leave as the tears on my face dance?
Would you ever give me a second or third or fourth chance?
Will there ever be another incident where we touch hands?
Am I overthinking already?
I'm so sorry, I'll try and go steady.
My thoughts can be so destructive and deadly.
But I can promise you that someday I'll be ready.
I promise it's me.
I wonder if the walls will come down
Will my heart ever mend?
Will I be ready when love comes around?
I'm so scared and incapable of trusting
But I don't want to be left lonely & wanting
I have to be willing to give
I've a lot of life yet to live
Buy no matter how hard I try
I run, hide and frustratingly ask why
I guess there is nothing left to do
When I simply am not ready to love you
The hours disappear instantly like blown out
flames off weary candles.
But time is no match for such raging hearts.
We would still hold up the receding
indigo ceiling above us.
We would prop up the sullen moon to stave
off the dawning day.
We will clutch the dwindling stars
and hug them close to our chests.
Because we know the words too well.
Words we simply couldn't cage except to say that...
We are not yet ready to leave
but we look forward to
diving headlong into
the inevitable restart.
Just so the day could grant us a
slate brand new.
Just so that come night,
we could begin all over again.
Is it already over?
Will I fall apart forever?
Are the curtains closing?
On a performance ending.
Is it already over before it's begun?
Thrown into the fire of the sun.
Consumed as powder hits the flame.
In an instant my efforts and passions slain.
Is it already over in such a short time?
All is lost, everything that was mine.
My body, my clothes, my home; all I possess.
Lost in a flash of lightening, potent and intense.
Is it already over and lost with the wind?
Everybody I ever loved never to meet again.
I want my life back, I don't want to go so soon.
I was ready for life, but not ready for my doom.
This poem was very heavily inspired by Amaranthe's song Transhuman on their 2013 Album The Nexus. Hope you enjoy - Peter
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