You don't love me the most.
You don't love me on my bad days, you only love me on my good ones.
You don't love me when I feel sad, you only love me when I'm happy.
You don't love me when I'm suffering, you only love me when I'm comfortable. You don't love me when I need you, you only love me when you need me.
You don't love me when I'm crying, you only love me when I'm smiling.
You don't love me when I mess up, you only love me when I do things right.
You don't love me when I'm crazy, you only love me when I'm sane.
You don't love me, really.
I just feel you say that you do in times when it most benefits you.
I understand that you're tired. I am too. Most of the times, I try to keep a straight face so you won't see what I'm going through. I don't wanna be a burden.
I never want to be a responsibility you never wanted. I don't want to be that someone.
Don't love me anymore if you're only gonna love one side of me.
Don't love me if you can't accept the other parts of me which are not beautiful.
Don't love me if you're gonna push me away or turn your back away from me when I need you the most.
Just unlove me if ever this was love for you.
Unlove me so it would be easier to understand why I need to let you go too. Unlove me so that I won't love you anymore too.

You found me broken and in a mess
You came in as if a traveling salesman
You knocked on my chest to see if it was vacant
You didn't take no for an answer
You sold a potion I desperately needed

Your compassion and love healed and rebuilt
Your hands reassemble this skeletal mess
Your eyes saw the best of what was inside
Your teeth and tongue assuaged  
Your body so titillating

Time passes
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I no longer need the product that you were so adept at selling

Always one step ahead
In order to sell more
I had to break down

You secretly created tragedy
You shakespearean
You left me the way I was found
You came knocking again
You charlatan

A fool and his money eh?
Or is it me that is selling a product?

"How do you fall out of love?
You don't talk with them, you'll fall into old habits. You go to the place you got together and fill it with new memories, so meeting them will be just another one in the past. You wash your sheets and clothing so nothing smells like them. You distract yourself so your brain eventually gets used to not thinking about them. You list everything that made them perfect and tell yourself these qualities can exist in anyone. You tell yourself that it means nothing when you hear their laugh again, everyone has one. Above all, you accept that none of this will work. You can't make yourself fall out of love, all you can really do is wait."

- Excerpt from a book I'll never write #623 (s.s)

second chances
  third chances
      fourth chances
     renewed trusts
replenished damaged belief
               pride and prejudice
hurt and sadness
           fifth chances...
      making up
               making out
        waking up half ashamed
             walking out half naked
     walking off the emptiest night of your lives
                      forcing a smile
                  pretending to be fine
         pretending to be fine
                                pretending to be fine
            pretending to be fine
                 lying            
                     knuckling under
                                       lying
                                falling behind
                          pretending to believe each other
               trustfalls
                   with
                      a
                 harness
                          trust
                         falling
                          apart
trust broken forever.
       sixth chances...
                 tears-----
          weeping-----
           sobbing-----
                    gnashing of teeth-----
   staring into the mirror blankly at 3am
               crying yourself up until 9
glass shard pressed smoothly
                                                     against your wrist
                                            total darkness...      
                               undoable sadness...
                      uncurable brokenness...
              unsatiable...
       irrevocable...
irreversible...
           -------seventh chances
                pain.
       ------eighth chances
           cries.
    ------ninth chances
        lies.
-------tenth chances
      more 'last' goodbyes.
              et cetera