i had a kind face, and the kind of smile
only a brother could love
and read beyond the teeth,
biting back bitter amusements
of a broken, brooding boy

you were mine; not in blood but in love,
and we were too small and too young
with too much and not enough
of everything.

brother.
“brother”
bromance.
the lie of the year,
and we had many.

i had chronic denial and you had chronic rejection.
if we said we saw ourselves as siblings,
it would all go away.
my brother from another mother
not a brother at all, but a lie
the hidden gay.

i had a kind face, but you were kind
and i wanted to be that
for you, a light against the shadowy history
the trajectory from ruin to wholeheartedness

you were already wholehearted,
and wholeheartedly in.
brother, i ruined you by calling you brother
with my fear of our friendship: the trajectory from friends to more

now everything between us is gone
and it still feels rather sore
even though i don’t love you anymore

i'm forgetful when you're around
maybe when you're away too
i don't know
i cant remember

I loved a person once,
Who showed me my own might,
I didn't know the strength I had,
Until they came into my sight.

They held me up when I was weak,
And made me whole again,
A precious love I thought I found,
That would never meet an end.

We walked the path of love and light,
Together we felt strong,
But as time went on,
It slowly went all wrong.

The love we shared turned toxic,
Our bond no longer pure,
Our troubles weighed us down,
We could not find a cure.

Our relationship broke us both,
It took its final stand,
The pain it caused, once so unknown,
Had now gotten out of hand.

But in that love, I found my strength,
That I could overcome any plight,
I learned that growth comes from within,
And that strength keeps me upright.

So I moved on from the toxic love,
And found peace in myself,
A strength that will never leave me,
A feeling I'll always be able to delve.

You're my sweet addiction, my ******,
a constant pull I can't give in.
I thought I beat you and left you behind
but the scent of you still lingers in my mind.

Last night I dreamt of you and you seeped in
an addiction too strong, I can't begin
To shake the hold you have on me, it's all too real.
I'll give in and lose my will.

For three long years, I fought the urge,
to give in to the addiction, your endless surge.
feeling you again, it's all too clear,
the hold you have is still so near.

I remember the passion, our untouchable love,
our soul tie unbroken, ordained from above.
I see the truth and the cost it demands
to live in your shadow with bound feet and hands.

I'd still risk it all, my heart and soul
To fill this void and feel somewhat whole.
I know it's a lie, a fleeting bliss,
I'd be drowning again, lost in the abyss.

So I'll keep fighting you as long as I can.
I’ll keep you at bay, and push you away.
You're my addiction, my poison, my heroine,
I'll choose life for now, and let you go again.

this love of ours had always been a lie. a fabricated story that had gone too far and twisted our hearts in more ways than we were ready for — more than what we could ever afford. with fleshy gums you ask me why does this hurt so bad and i tell you it’s only to make it fair — passing out in midnight hues, i tell you i love you despite knowing the ache in my chest with each syllable i bleed only intensifies and i crave nothing more than to be swept in between the cracks of your winter undertones and to be left in your ruins. you tell me you love me despite the crushing of your windpipe making the echoing of sobs erupt bitterly in your chest cavity, the flames that rise in your belly make you want to itch at it yet you yearn to be set ablaze.


because i asked you with fleshy gums of my own, why does this hurt so bad and you look me in the eyes and tell me its only to make it fair.

you’re not allowed to miss me.
not when you had me in between the lines of your palms so deep i could not find where you stopped and i began — to the point i merged within your being — you don’t get to miss the spine shudder i gave you now that you are left hollow and seeking solace elsewhere — craving the one thing you failed to give but loved to take

you cried wolf so much — ripped out far too many hearts to feast on that you forgot to guard your own, the security system only being a thin layer of your pride

you are not allowed to miss me
because once i finish drinking your blood, there will be nothing left of you to dissolve in my shadow.

there’s something wrong with me. there has to be — because how else would i have been able to look into your eyes, touch your soul, and taste the warmth it lacked? how could i stomach you so easily yet still want to purge you up like bad liquor? you never were quite right, but that’s okay. because somehow, that’s just what i liked.