She didn’t know what a beautiful soul she had
Her dreams, her goals
How far they could have lead her
If only she had let them lead

Maybe she’d have a taste of happiness
The kind she can only imagine now
Sitting on the floor behind her bedroom door



A knock on the door
A voice
As a spark of hope reaches her eyes
She lets it go

People will wonder what they failed to see
And she will never know what it is to be
Because she can imagine that it’s all a dream,
But her sleep is far too deep

there are so many ways
you could have ended
spontaneous abortion
SIDS
childhood meningitis
drowning
forgetting to look both ways
gun accident
gun on purpose
car wreck
overdose
domestic homicide
war
Death came pretty close
before your eyes were even open
Don’t let the only killer you can control
get the best of you
*****, you lived!
Don’t let your mind **** you

I wasn’t there, but I still see that image of you in the front seat of your car. The lights were on and it was a hot and humid morning; the sun was just coming up.

I remember that hollow feeling in my chest and the knots in my stomach when she told me in the doorway of the office; it’s that same feeling that I get.

I made phone calls to all our old friends to make sure they heard it from a familiar voice than read it in cold, dead words from a screen.

Mike asked if I was kidding, but remarked I would never joke like this. I heard the faintness in his voice. I heard the aching on his breath.

I was dressed in black that Saturday morning sitting patiently behind that wall that separated me from my friends. The guitar sat idly on the ground; my hands trembled from the anxiousness.

I stood up in front of the most people I’d ever seen in one place. I looked out and saw so many familiar faces that I hadn’t seen in years. And I lamented to myself that it had been so long, and it’s been even longer still.

My shaking hands strummed out a simple song my voice croaked with regret; but I sand that song for you, my friend, and I’ve played it only

Once.

Since.

I heard some sad news
About a young teen
His Mum turned off his life support machine.
When I gave my condolences and she poured out her grief
You would think that this woman would feel some relief
But she turned to me bleakly and said
“ All my days, I will never forgive myself, lost to disgrace”.
I asked her why she felt compelled to such blame? Self recrimination, regret and shame?
She stated in earnest and her tone echoes still
“ The one machine I didn’t turn off has killed.”
I pledged from that day if I saw any signs
that my loved ones were victims of hurt by design
I’d tell them to switch off
Pull out the plug
Switch off the bully
Cut off the ****.
Your life is precious
don’t let haters thrive
Switch off for now and stay alive.

There's shouting now,
Up there,
On the mountains.
There's shouting.

The wind beacons her,
Tugging at her flesh,
Bringing life back to the girls face,
The rocks urge her,
It's just one step,
One step and the pain stops,
Forever.
Her mind is in agreement,
But her soul is left divided,
Her thoughts push her to the edge,
Her memories keep her feet firm to the ground,
The voices command her,
Her eyes glazed over in conflict,
The tide crashing to the sand provides comfort,
Whispering away her sorrow's.
There is just one thing to do in return.
She let's the wind guide her,
The voices in her head,
And emotions drowned by liquor,
She let's the rock's take her life,
The sea take her body,
And the mountains take her spirit.

It's silent now,
Up there,
On the mountains.
It's silent.

Years before, he was just some happy kid
That used to smile, showing his precious white teeth
Sold his smile to the depression, precocious as it is
Now, here is where his depressive story begins

“I don’t wanna breathe…” That’s what he told me
The more he said it, the more I wished it were just a dream
Even though I knew it, I knew he was saying the truth
I just couldn’t believe him, that was being too crude

Numbness in a world full of black and white
No colors, no happiness in his sight
Don’t you see it? Don’t you see it in his dead eyes?
He figured out he could never feel alright

He was the one who wished to be erased
So he would’ve never been born to be a disgrace
For him dying maybe meant going to a better place
Guess what? He desired being victim of a coup de grace

(Feeling empty of happiness, at the same time full of hate
Even though he was alive, he thought of himself as dead weight
Even with a sunshine, all he saw and felt was rain
Everyone, and everything were being his life’s bane

Feeling empty of happiness, at the same time full of hate
Even though he was alive, he thought of himself as dead weight
Even with a sunshine, all he saw and felt was rain
Everyone, and everything were being his life’s bane)

As he wrote the letter, he started to cry
“Don’t you worry”, he said, “it’s only your life”
Ended his letter, he grabbed his knife
Cut himself in his arm, writing “Goodbye”

Prepared everything before night came by
He took the rope and hung it real tight
He stood on the chair and looked up at the moon
Thought about everything his mind had already consumed

As he did this he was going out of the path
Just blinded by this uncontrollable internal wrath
Crying he is now taking his last breath
But he knows shortly he will finally be dead

As he kicks the chair he knows, now there’s no escape
But in his mind he has escaped from this **** race
“Now I won’t worry about being a waste of space”
And as he thought that, he had a smile on his face

(Feeling empty of happiness, at the same time full of hate
Even though he was alive, he thought of himself as dead weight
Even with a sunshine, all he saw and felt was rain
Everyone, and everything were being his life’s bane

Feeling empty of happiness, at the same time full of hate
Even though he was alive, he thought of himself as dead weight
Even with a sunshine, all he saw and felt was rain
Everyone, and everything were being his life’s bane)

Some hours later we burst open the door
We saw something hanging, looking down to the floor
His hands, from his nails wouldn’t stop pouring blood
How can we forget about everything we just saw?

As I opened the letter I started reading it with care
“If you read this, most probably I’ll be already dead
Thank you for everything, thank you because you cared
Now there’s no reason to be sad… Farewell”

I can see my breath
And for some reason
That frightens me
For some reason
I'm very frightened
By everything today
I'm frightened
By my own thoughts
By my own existence
Just by being alone
And I don't know
If that's normal
I don't know
If people understand
What that's like
To be afraid
Of the mind
You live in
To be afraid
Of the life
You were born in
But it's scary
And I don't like it
I don't like
Seeing my breath
I don't like
Seeing my veins
I don't like
Feeling my pulse
As I live my scared life
Because I'm truly frightened
By everything in my mind
And I don't know how to stop it
I don't know how to change it
I don't know what to do
And that scares me