i felt it the second you started slipping away
slowly, but surely
from me, as if i didn't notice
the day you stopped saying "i love you" before you went to bed
was the same day i knew our love was coming to a ugly close.

maybe i wasn't affectionate enough
maybe i was over affectionate
maybe you just got tired.

time goes on and i feel nothing
the emptiness of my heart
the coldness of my skin
the numbness of my brain
as i reminisce over the things i used to love about you

for a second, time stops.

stop looking at yourself in the mirror
whispering, "it'll be okay. i'll be okay."
when you know **** well
you'll be anything but okay.

i stopped looking so closely in the mirror
the day you told me i was perfect,
at least to you.

a feeling of closeness to someone i've never met
a song to share, calmness to collect
finally feeling that i hold a place
of the world we live so mindlessly in

i won't forget you.

i stopped wanting the same things as the other kids
the latest fashion, a new phone,
and started wanting you next to me for as long as it took
to feel satisfied

days on end, it's hard not to think of you
daydream endlessly, fantasize breathlessly
when you give me feelings that i never can stop thinking about

and then the pain washes over
realisation strikes like a lightning bolt
i won't be falling asleep in your arms tonight
or waking up next to you tomorrow morning,
most definitely not anytime in between.

and god, my heart aches when i think about it

it's hard not to fall in love harder,
every single time
when you're the first and last thought everyday
whether i want you to be or not

sometimes, it's quiet

i only wish you were here to feel it with me.

gaping wounds,
wide eyes,
steady streams of life trickling,
draining my body
of the happiness it once held.

pain doesn't always have to be externally felt,
does it?

i wish you still saw in me what i see in you.

s.b.//

i couldn't bring myself to look you in the eye
that last night we spent together.

i couldn't bring myself to touch your flesh
knowing that tomorrow, you'd disappear.

you kissed me between the eyes,
as if you were drunk again
groping my body
as if i were your property.

never again, will i be

i want to say i hate you for hurting me
but we both know that's not true

when will you finally remember?

dear jared,
today, i realised that i loved a boy
who wasn't you.
my time with you taught me to be patient,
despite many people who teach such themselves
are not.

his name is jake;
a humble, intellectual individual
without anything rude to ever say.
he's got neat but long, golden hair
and he's almost 6'2.
his voice is low-scale, but gentle.

i've never thought so much about kissing someone