i keep my soul hidden now beneath scattered tattered notebook paper pieces in outdated shoe boxes & deep between the covers of books, crisply underlined & strong- strong there, only there, with those words. most days i wake praying for rain; that tender soft world which it provides me with, drowns out the ever constant hum of traffic, arguing, the war on television, the growing sigh of humanity.

here i am.

I’m driving down some typical road all the roads look exactly the same here the streetlights passing by one by one by one. counting patterns in the road & I’m watching the swarm of black birds hanging over the highway; they’re swimming in their own way; kissing the sky & diving back down. that comfortable feeling of breaking skin
my blood may be the most priceless thing i own & maybe it’s for that reason i want to ruin it.

So you text me thinking we can resolve our problem
I'm still bearing wounds but I thought we could solve them
What's wrong then? I genuinely thought you were there,
But clearly it seems like you don't care

I thought you had my back,
But obviously you didn't.
Loyalty is what you lacked.
Bottled up animosity was what was hidden

And that we're channeling into what is written
So here's what I'm spittin I'm through splittin hairs about our problem
If you need me reach out to me
Don't expect me to read your mind

I'm not some kind of saviour.
I was just trying to be your friend.
Don't expect me to tolerate rude behaviour.
My hand I won't continue to lend.

A yellow ladybird waiting for the light to turn red.
Patiently awaiting what's to come.

She knows better than to make rude gestures at the light.
It won't make it change any quicker.

She knows she can spend her time better than being an angst-ridden insect cynically hating phonies.

It's true patience is a virtue
and she sticks by this principle.
No matter what they say,
a principle's a principle.

The yellow ladybird knows a lot of things.
A delightful delinquent who enjoys reading eloquent literature
and can tell you who painted that pretty picture.

But she is still just a yellow ladybird.
Still only learning how to operate in this world.

But when the light turns red, then she will know.
Know more than she does now.

Soon the yellow ladybird will see the light, be it the light she would've liked or not, I can not say.

Only she can decide if the waiting was worth it.
And for her poor soul, I hope it was.