I wrote letters
for myself
five years from now
telling him
that it's okay
to cry
once in a while
that tears
are not a sign
of weakness
but an emotion
taking shape
freeing itself
from the binds of body.

I comfort him
with lies
telling him
that if he waits
eventually
everything will
turn out
fine,
that the fire
won't burn as much
if left untouched

I tell him
that broken guitars
can sing too.
Out of tune
maybe
but the melody
is there
howling
on the moon
and the shadows
are its audience.

I convince him
to tuck himself on bed
every night
and sleep
to count the sheep
and drift away
without the help
of tears.

I tell him
that I hope
five years from now
that he reads
these letters,
that i pray
it won't be left
unread
collecting dust
in the corner
of an empty room
deprived of joy
and life.

Future Me...
I see you happy
I see you healthy
I see you striving
I see you smiling

There is
Less pain in your eyes
Less anguish in your cries

No longer are you afraid to always say what's on your mind
no longer do you need perfection for validation
you know your value to its full extent

Future me,
I see you free
Free of worry, stress, anxiety

Future me, you are a Phoenix, risen from the ashes, new and refreshed

do your eyes still shine
like two stars in the sky?
do they still close
every time you smile?
what song is your soul singing?
what blooms grow in your garden?
are you found?
or are you still lost?
if you are, know
i'll always wait for you.

I will keep chasing,
Be better and grow wiser;
40-year old me

if you're reading this, we must have made it after all.

With each falling key
the problems become more yours
and you become more me.
I paid the debts of the past
with interest,
but those of now
Are yours somehow...
(I'm sorry to hand you this mess btw).

So your whole inheritence
will have to be experience
And it's not going to be perfect
And you're going to wish I could read
the rant of a manifesto you write to me.
But that won't happen.
I'll be history

Because with each falling key
the problem becomes more yours
and you become more me
I presently lose agency
that's the reality
Of time.

I fixed all I could with mine.
Do what you can with yours.

I know you will be alive and in love
like a child for the first time.
You will chase and daydream
and trace their name on fogged over windows
and even though you're older,
you'll be none the wiser
and just as dazed and clueless
as I am now.

Dear future me,
please do not be scared...
of the burning sting of betrayal
and the sensation of hurt
like flames dancing on your skin.

You will learn to love again...
...
...
Eventually.
...
...
I hope.

Because the next time
those ******* stop by your seat
don't be scared to say
'*******'
and walk the hell away.

you can cuss. i give you permission.

And the next time,
some ***** hates you because of those
love handles
don't be scared to give
her a good show of your *******.

don't worry about her. she's blinded by your beauty anyway.

Dear Future Me,
please do forgive me.
for the bad choices I made.

Dure Future Me,
please
please
please
don't make the same mistakes.