i'm no good, but
here I am anyway,
again
typing words
into poems.

i'm afraid that
all this is
a waste of time.
that I read some
poetry somewhere
long ago and
mistakenly believed
that I too could
do that.

but I can't
help it,
these words still
show up
somehow.

even
when they
don't end
well.

It was more than a year ago
I admitted you were no good
I tried to let you leave my head
And you did
But all good things must come to an end they say
And one short week was enough
to pull me back
Sorta
I was convinced things were different
We were friends now
Temptation was prevented
by my faithfulness to Someone Else
Until that Someone Else left
and surprise.
You were back.
creeping your way back into my head
monopolizing my thoughts
I tried to remember
You are no good
But every time those six letters
appear on my screen
my heart jumps
a little
So please
Don't talk to me today
if you don't plan on saying Hello
tomorrow

Please don't lie,
yeah it is okay.
I know what I saw,
that look on your face.
And you can't use logic to
erase
There's a point to my knowing,
and that is just the case.
You keep going
at some crazed, lying pace.
Forever unknowing
it isn't okay.
I kept on hoping
You'd see it someday
That look which really scared me away.

To understand my mind you must go mad
you must hear the voices in my mind
telling me no, you can't, they hate you
you must remind yourself daily that nothing will ever go your way, you are worthless, you will never live up to expectations.
you must know that you are nothing.
you must be constantly worried, anxiety like no other.
you must be constantly sad, depressed.
you must remind your self to keep living.
you must force yourself
you must try.
you must
*I must