The days pass by

Faster and faster

Turning into weeks

Months,

Years...


Not a single second

Minute,

Hour 

Or day goes by


That I don't think of you


That I don't wonder 


What life would be like

Today

With you still in it


I may not show it


I may not speak of it


But the longing is there

Deep within


... Always


I often reflect, 

Admire

The strength you had in my youth


No matter what was thrown your way

You tossed it onto your shoulders

And carried on

Head still high


I find myself carrying on the same way

Without you here

I've tossed your memories onto my shoulders

And keep on

Keeping on

Head held high


I can relate to you in that way

And somehow it keeps me close to you


There are layers

Too many to explain in depth

But I know

And I remember 

How life felt with you in it

And I reflect 

I relate


Because I was once 

A part of you


And now you...


Every second

Every minute,

Hour

Everyday

For forever


... Are a part of me.

This is the 13th Mother's Day that has come around since your life came to an end.
When you passed away, I didn't just lose a mother, I also lost my best friend.
We used to spend Mother's Days together but we can't anymore.
You went to Heaven twelve years ago when you were sixty-four.
You became a mother in 1967 when you brought my brother into the world.
I was born almost four years later and you incorrectly believed I'd be a girl.
An aneurysm ended your life and we buried you in the ground.
I can not enjoy Mother's Day because you're no longer around.
I'll join you in Heaven but I don't know when.
But it will be great when we're together again.

Mother's day
her gold necklace in my nightstand drawer
her sweet voice in my ears

Mẹ,

I am hurt by the way things have ended. How do you struggle with your second language, but know exactly what words jab at my dignity? The lack of “I love you”s as I grow up is justified, yet at the times you desire, you’re suddenly fluent in the language of breaking my heart. You articulate clearly and concisely, every syllable stabbing into my spirit as I swallow the lump in my throat. I still bite my tongue with remorse for growing into what you want to be. I choke down any remarks that would make you think less of me (less of you).

You compare me to the man who broke us, but I refuse to see him in the mirror. I have your left dimple, and my brother’s skin that contrasts yours so vividly like the branches that hold your dear orchids next to the porcelain in the glass closet that’s as fragile as your ego. My eyes come from what I have overcome, and the fire in my heart is God. I wish you saw His glory within me, and not the beast that you married.

I wish you weren’t so embarrassed of yourself. I wish you felt familiarity in a country as foreign as mine. For despite all you have done, I want to show you off. I am sorry for how you raised me. Most of all, I forgive you for all the apologies I never received. May you perceive yourself with grace.

Love,
your daughter

Your guiding hands are always there
To catch me when I fall.
Soft combs through my tangled hair
Hugs, a protective wall.

Your strength's a roaring lioness,
Your heart burning so bright,
Fighting through the crushing stress.
You burn away the night