today i listened to music.

not just any music but The music i would call my life
when i was younger.
there i sat,
singing along to songs that made me feel like i'm not underwater again,
sitting here almost 17,
looking out the window thinking "man they were right
when they said your worries now won't matter as much
in a few years".

today i listened to music
and realized i will never be that young, fresh kid
who knew about life at a way too young age.

The boy bellows his sound...screams loud
“come one come all the affair is now”
The words the nurse said ring hollow so dead
“Cancerous sores”
“Carry on carry on”
For he swears he’ll sleep no more
Night terrors are real and if he survives the fabulous killjoys will suffer greatly...to no ones surprise

To the end with him...dead
Dead he is...have you heard the news
So dead...dead
This is how I disappear he says
The sharpest lives and the sharpest wit
He welcomes you in, to a parade he claims will save us from our sins
I don’t know you from Adam
I don’t love you like a house of wolves
In the distance I hear him
He bellows his joy
He tells the injured to carry on carry on
I hate his voice
His blackened eyes his cancerous sores
Mama says sleep teenage boy
Disenchanted from his famous last words
To carry on carry on
Blood on all the walls
**** all your friends
Heaven help us
My way home is through you
You fabulous killjoys

My chemical romance dead...

"...And if your heart stops beating I'll be here wondering, did you get what you deserved? The ending of your life? And if you get to heaven I'll be here waiting baby, you get what you deserve. So when your heart won't take then this heart you break. Your dead..."

I can't help wondering if I will be going to hell.
There's really no way to tell.
Sure you can spend your life begging for forgiveness.
But what makes you think it covers your sins.
Almost every day I get the feeling I'm going to hell.
I know why it's the reason I fell.
Ascended from the good girl I was.