You can try to hide your emotions
Put on a mask that has a painted smile
But the eyes never lie
And a mask has holes to see

My life is private, my secrets drenching in hopeless fear.
I express out loud, longing for admiration.
Yet, I hold everything in, saying nothing, no word my tongue could ever expose.
Fake friends, liars, backstabbers...
They only miss me once I’m gone.
I left, secretly disappeared without a knowledge to anyone.

But once they know I’m gone, is when they start to miss me.
I’ve moved on, left the city and started new in a different one.
I left like the wind with a cold dryness in the air.
Unspeakable, they only coming back cuz they know I’m not around.

Incomplete, I’ve learnt to never trust anyone ever again.
Deep thoughts hit and I know what’s going to happen before it does.
Caused by experience, pain, loss, and abuse.
I avoid it all, and seclude myself in my mysterious fantasies that will never come to my reality.
I live life in despair, knowing that I’m the curse, the darkness itself.
I’m the person who’s devil you speak the name of.
I’m your nightmares in your lost daydreams.

Too much intensity, I may be trouble.
But my deceiving nature has you thinking otherwise... doesn’t it?

Maybe it’s just thoughts of people talking about me constantly, even though it’s not real.
Nothing is.
My illusion is my nightmare and my delusions is my reality.
Im never going back.
They probably never going to see me ever again, but I guess it’s satisfying to make them think otherwise.
To make them think that I still love them and we probably still friends.
But when I was around, where were they without my effort?

Without my effort, everything is at loss.
I prefer to label these people as my aquaintances.
Calling them my friends is just a facade to cover up my intense loneliness caused by my experienced deep ridden trust issues.

I have no friends.
I like it that way.
I stay detached cuz people are worthless to me.
I like being alone, it’s my new cure.
With my seclusion, I am nothing more to be.

If I call you my friend, please don’t get confused when I ghost you and never actually talk to you, but I end up coming back few months later saying how much I miss you and love you.

Don’t we all do that?
This darkness of truth and lies all hidden inside of us.

Disappearance, keep your distance.

They say its all because I reflect the traits so true,
Little do they know.
It’s a fake picture long back which I drew.
They say I am the same,
I am the same badge holder,
Little do they know.
New expectations are like boulder.
They say I won’t change,
That they can still trust me,
Little do they know.
Its a fake picture, It’s a stuck mask.
Who am I under?
Is still unkown at last!
Little do they know,
Little do they know.

every man looks bigger than they are in the shadows
it takes courage to step in the light
and really be seen

Before Corona
You would tell me something,
But I would not hear,
Maybe because of the howling
Or the voices of the wind.

I would  ask "what?"
You'd repeat,
Once, twice, three times.
Eventually ending with a "nevermind."

And my heart would crack,
A pain consuming,
Of worries and sadness,
That I could not hear
The simple words you said.

Coronavirus rolled around
And the masks are worn by everyone around.
Sure, it is to keep it out,
But they also keep the voices muted.

You would say something,
Through the mask,
A barrier.
Yet again, I ask "what?"
And wonder if I knew how to sign
This would be so much easier.

its funny
now that we all hide our faces
(like they were ever real at all)
that everyone seems to care what we look like
when the real masks were inside
and they've been there the whole time

Hmn………………………..  I see what you mean. I'm thinking on it.
Mn. .................................……I'm not sure I agree.
Mn hmm....………………… Totally agree. Yes, let's go forward.
Huh....……………………... Whaaaaaaaaaaaat
Uh huh...........................……...Ok. I'm listening, but let me talk.
Tsk Tsk....……………………I don't approve of anything you say.
Um.....………………………..Let me think about it. I'll get back to you.