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Jack Jenkins Jul 2019
just a brick out of the wall
a pebble falling down a hillside
a raindrop in the levy
a whisper of wavering trust
and im on my knees
waiting to see who will win
my faith
or
my shotgun
//On depression and anxiety//
Jack Jenkins Jul 2019
... and when they find my body still and cold
i hope someone decides cry
but i fear they won't
i fear
they will simply see a man who lost
and perhaps they will wonder
at the peculiarity
of why someone would die
when they gave so much
loved so much
and failed every time
that despite his best
the only marker on his grave reads
"wasted potential"
so no one will grieve when
the back of my head disappears
in a red mist
that matches my love
crashing into the walls others built
one
    two
          three
i dont want to see morning
& every "i love you" was a lie
i cant swallow anymore
oh how many lies i gleefully swallowed
despite knowing
trust was already severed
and a dead end was the
upcoming feature film
of reality
**** it...
im done
//On defeat//
Jack Jenkins Jul 2019
This feeling is a starry night behind my eyes
A revival of beauty I chose to forsake
But never left

You are this heart in my chest and I love you
Everything about you is perfect as is
And if you change I will change with you
You never wanted to hear it but you are loved
And prayed over constantly
God will replace every pain with a golden rose
You will find love in this life
For I've always loved you
Even from afar

My greatest friend
My greatest love
Wherever you are
Find your way home
//On her//

It's amazing how it can be years since you talked to someone but you can still know how they're feeling. That's either a spiritual bond or clairvoyance.
Jack Jenkins Jul 2019
Has my heart adjusted to the dark//
or have I simply fallen apart?

Are you with me still//
or do you fear me?

Does the distance end//
with the silence?

The wolf cries out in hunger//
for when love was young.

The questions fall too short//
to the walls of our forts.

This is embodied agony//
lusts for my love to be given.
//On her, and love//

Decided to write a poem that is both about someone and about a subject. Let me know what you guys think.
Jack Jenkins Jun 2019
The flower of love I will let go//
to unfold in the wind//
to blossom elsewhere//
All has been said//
None have been true//
Walls and towers built//
over a hundred wood crosses//

Flowing velvet worn to rugged//
Snatched away by life and death//
this doesn't feel like home anymore//
this isn't my home//
Desperation holds the nostrils shut//
& ***** the air out of our lungs//
We settle for none// and love even less//
//On love and relationships//
fm Jun 2019
what was it like when you left me behind?
with a bottle of jack clasped in your greedy palm,
did you ever look over your shoulder?
did you ever turn back?

independency never looked more like a cage
when you realize it came with
losing a childhood to a parent
dependent on *****
and lost in her liquor.

maturity is a sculpture that people
chip and mold to fit their own reality
when they forget that the
broken pieces surrounding the perfect sculpture
are really what maturity is made of.

when you left me behind
i reveled in my independency
and clutched my broken pieces in my hands,
glued them back together
and called it armor.

but i still wonder from time to time,
if you ever looked down to see your own
broken jack bottle
glass pieces by your feet,
because you finally remembered

that you left your daughter behind.
Jack Jenkins Jul 2019
Blocks settle inside my mind//
Bookends to the pages of us//
Pressed together but fallen apart//
Every poem a story, a seance to your ghost//
You're not dead but I am to you//
I'm on the other side tapping the glass//
Hopeful that someday a whisper of me//
Might graze across the valleys of your brain//
The memories would be kind, not of pain//
But that's just a fantasy//
And our love was just fiction//
It became stillborn in reality//
//On ex girlfriend//
No idea why my ex has been on my mind all of a sudden. Swore I was done writing about me and her.
Jack Jenkins Jun 2019
a sigh will suffice
despite the noise i wish to say
heaviness holds the words down
so silent memories will have to do
//On ex girlfriend//
Some days I still have to count the days
Jack Jenkins Jun 2019
Solemn and dignified I let the devil reach inside
To twist everything up with his twisted lies
Honey placed on my lips but a knife in my side
I let him slide past as he let me backslide
"I'm done with his lies" I lie to myself
Unless that lie is from him I can't tell anymore
Lines are so blurred like lines from tear stained poems
They're never good enough and I want to throw them
and throw up
Cuz I've never shaped up to the man I make myself out to be
It seems the seams of my dreams gets ripped apart by reality
My reality is I have no control and that scares me
Cuz holding on means safety
and I can't safely let go of things I'm too scared to fall
Let me talk myself out of this please
Reach inside and twist these lies
Just one more time
//On anxiety//
Jack Jenkins Jun 2019
If you would just talk to me
I have words
but
I don't think they're worth speaking
Poetically muted, I'm on pause
Take a breath
Take a second
It's fine
I'm fine
Just a normal response
to my love
Is to become
Discarded
//On relationships//
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