We wait outside long closed electric doors

    
        At last, you take my hand, you cloud-float up
        
            Hospital gown draped over a balloon

                Oxygen mask string dangles, now relaxed

                    Its work is over, I still hold your hand

                        My heels lift slightly, I still hold your hand

                            I can’t come with you; time for letting go,

                                We smile, you float -- drip, tape, and bandage free


My toes have never left their asphalt base

My dearest dream,
    and
        I still feel your hand

Farewell, my beloved paradox,
that will forever linger in my thoughts and heart.
The memory of your captivating fragrance,
distinct and unmistakable, will forever stay with me,
patiently anticipating your fateful reunion- that I long
for with every fibre of my being. Come not so hurriedly,
yet in time- so as to have the gentle cadence of your footsteps
linger delicately in the passing hours.

Although the whispers of your presence evade my ears,
your essence reunites with mine once more. Across alternate
lifetimes, where fate doesn't guarantee romantic interlacing,
my affection for you transcends as a steadfast companion,
devoted beyond the confines of romantic love.

I lit a candle
to finally say goodbye
it felt better like a pill
had cured me
of all my anxieties
you burnt down the wax
like another life
one small light
in the cavernous space
of a church
no more room for blame
no more room for remorse
I've let go of the kite string
like I wish I'd let go of your apron
ties are cut
heaven awaits
I am at peace
and you are at rest

I wanna tell you something
From now, I’m not me anymore
This is my last time
To not ever have to speak to you again
To not ever say anything about us again
To not ever tell you any tales that I have

To not ever read your messages
To not ever pick up your call
To not ever have a beautiful dinner
To not ever take a picture of us again

I have not got to be bound to you again
It is up to you
And it’s up to me
If you want to stop following me, go up
If you want to block me, just do it
I feel really sure to let you get out of my life

There’ll be no more cry in our happiness
There’ll be no more smile in our sadness
And I just know that
Lana was right “Happiness is a butterfly”

But, if you think that I’m a brittle person
I’ll not blame you
Judge me!
I don’t want to give a sh*t to you
So please, judge me again and again as much as you want

I’m a melodramatic fool
I’m a broken-hearted
I’m untrustworthy
I’m fussy

I don’t need a psychologist
I don’t need a sharing friends
I’ve fallen to the darkest side of the hell
Darkest side of the world’s heaven
And i know that I don’t belong in the world’s heaven

Thank you for loving me
Thank you for being there
Thank you for cheering me up
Thank you for hearing me
Thank you for inspiring me
And thank you for everything you’ve done for me

Farewell every part of you

I see my town in the rear view mirror
What I’m leaving becomes much clearer
In my mind I can almost hear her
Begging me to reconsider

They all sympathise

and write their best intentions --


to put in the urn.

I should have been there
I should have said to hell with it,
I will believe!
in you, in me, we two will last eternal
THIS is our time
I should have smelled your hair,
known the layers
of dark waves that adorn your face
like the halo of a perfect celestial creature
yes, the stars themselves bore little bursts to knit  
together the incomparable exquisiteness of you:
elusive scientist
pretty boy
Apollo
you are magic, you are water in the shape of a man
perfect among both men and women,
a sensual mystery of sinewy limbs,
sculpted lips, eyes peering out like dark brown moons
We should have been there
in the songs of life upon the sun
your long, thin fingers interlocked with mine
my heart singing louder, our suns strum the music

oh how your eyes see me, how it feels to be seen by you
your words: I inspire your concept of the cosmos
and I am the only pure entity you have ever known

The last time I touched you, Oct 2012
instantly transported
held by you and fall skies
showing me wonderment, and taking it from me
convergence of our air mixed inside collective lungs
gentle, so gentle the demeanor of your form
permeation in aroma
muffins, tea, your clothes
your breath...
the unmistakable addictive scent of your mouth
bones pressed together, and I cried, with the words
"I still love you, you still love me
and that’s not my imagination"
we in agreement, that it would always be true
as long as the galaxies keep motion alive
My need to kiss you;
undeniable, unending, insatiable need
you could not kiss me back,
for the woman
who would eventually
give you a son
but you let me kiss you

You let me kiss you

and sent me on my way
trying, for the rest of my life
to turn everyone I meet,
into you

For a fleeting 6 hours, the outside world melted away. And in that silence i strangely found that i scare myself, this intensity with which i love others. i throw everything i have and more into it. turn myself inside out. in some ways, it is my biggest strength and my worst vulnerability. even when one’s natural instinct is to withdraw and shut down, i'd rather pull them closer, and have them want my company. sit in your pain, alone if you must, but let me be close by. I’m not sure i fully comprehend the concept of space. I don’t much like silence. does that reek of desperation? Probably, but that has no bearing on me either. i fall in love deeply and loudly and unapologetically. does admitting love multiple times dilute the intensity? i am prouder of the people i love than they are, but in their sadness, i too am inconsolable. i will definitely send out an army to find you. what use is being loved if one is alone in their lows. anyways, i never make apologies for how i love and i hope the day never comes where i have to.

My heart beats to your silence
Surrounded by the you of yesterday
Lurching for your company
Reaching out to no avail

The me of yesterday is no more
And the you of now is unknown
To me who sees only shrouds
Hanging between us

Let it be known that my feelings for you remain
Deep felt and innocent
And yet they suffer all the same
But the rope was let go
And the curtain laid
Our goodbyes said
Closure in vain
For my heart still beats
Beats to your name
Old friend
The barrier of our goodbye remains
That I would not change
And yet I yearn all the same