today, i return to Massachusetts. i will step out of Logan Airport and breathe the air i haven't breathed in four months. it will taste crisp and cold. i will do my special little breath before the big one when i step outside. maybe the wind will hurt. maybe it will feel good. maybe the hurt will feel good.
today, i will be driven home by someone who drinks Dunkin and softens their R's, just a little bit. just enough for you to notice if you listen. i will look out the window for the one house with the one chimney and i will say "you can turn here."
i will pet my cats and i will lie down in my bed and when i roll over, i won't hit the wall. when i look across the room, i won't see the dark lump of my roommate in her bed. i will not hear her phone buzz quietly during the night. i will not hear people in the distance, shouting and singing and laughing.
and when i wake up tomorrow and sit up, ready to say good morning to my parents and my brother, ready to play guitar and kiss my friends and cook and drive and smile and cry, it will all be the same as before but completely different.
because i am completely different.
"you are of this place. it is changing you."
i am of Pitzer now. i am of California and sun and In N' Out and cacti and mountains and linguistics papers and psych memes and long walks and Laemmle's and McConnell and dry air and sleeping late and ramen and boba and love and friendship now.
i am forever changed.
i am happy.
to be young and free and growing up is the wilderness. we are the wilderness.
"you don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness."
i have explored the wilderness.
today, the explorer and her wild heart are going home.
There is a certain feeling that arrives soon as the thought approaches.
A sort of dream like feeling that comes to take over what ever mood,
What ever presence that is shallowly felt.
In truth it's the best part of the day.
Finally putting yourself first and making that special trip to ultimate comfort.
A place that you've been but never felt until the feeling grabs you as mutual.
Truth of the matter, life couldn't be as grand as you can imagine it.
The mental aspect of anticipation.
The thought alone is breathtaking.
Taking everything in stride, promising not to stay gone long.
Going to a place that you've always known.
Following a gut instinct, it's only natural.
Not fully understanding it's depth until having left
To truly know just how much it means.
where is home?
is it where you used to grow?
But how do you reap if you do not sow?
You must scatter everything to and fro.
I ask again, where is your home?
it might be on the greener side,
but it feels like concrete.
how do you grow?
when quick sand surrounds your feet?
You relax, listen to the story nature has to tell.
we are all of the same kind,
down to every microscopic, functioning cell....
then just allow it to move you.
Life is the ebb,
you must choose to be flo.
The road skits faster
Than my eyes can capture
Gravel flying upwards like bullets
The winds are familiar
So is this place
My conscious is emancipated
As I draw closer towards home
The warmth and safety enhances me
Familiar is what I crave
Home is what I need
To forget today's work and sweat
Truly I don't need that anymore
It'll be on pause till tomorrow
When I return to that world again
But for now its home
Like a queen needs her bed
So do I.
My last few hours,
In the land of a week's refuge.
Bade goodbye to water towers,
Away with sunsets made of rouge.
Ready to fulfil a previous standing pact
To a life I left and put on hold.
I'll leave you in memories of retrospect.
An experience worth weight in gold.
As always I find myself in the driveway .
Standing all alone, in the dark.
Looking up at what does lay.
Spellbound as usual as the distant dogs bark.
I'm sending wishes into space,
Kisses to the dots in the sky.
Going to miss this place...
As the coming year would go by.
I'd long for you,
My twinkling lovelies in my nights.
Following hours would be through
You'd be replaced by city lights.
For now allow me to drink you to a stupor.
A feast I can't get enough of.
Let these minutes extend into forever...
Goodbye Darwin stars, you have all my love.
Time to go home.
— The End —