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Kai Nov 11
.
I'm so ******* tired of overthinking
I'm so tired of everything
It isn't fair
Am I just a narcissist?
Am I someone that isn't interesting at all?
Please tell me
I'm trying to change myself to be more acceptable
What can I do
To please you?
I'M TRYING
PLEASE ACCEPT THAT

It is tiring when I have to listen to someone I dislike rant to me everyday
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired from school
I'm tired of drawing
I'm tired from crocheting
I'm tired of everything
Except writing my own thoughts
Emotions
Emotions I can't even detect well enough for my own sanity
Yet the strongest ones are stressed
And tired

I'm trying to adapt to other people
Like I'm an alien from another planet
Everything feels so new
Yet I feel so old
And rusty
I feel so weird
Disgusting
Grimy
I don't take care of my body well
I torture it
I hate my low self-esteem
I hate it so much
I wish I was carefree
Just like my sister
I know this might just be a phase in life
But it feels like a phase of hell

Chúa ơi...
Just release me already
From this hell
I'm begging you
An uncalled vent, but I invited it here because I needed it. I just need a long break.
Joshua Phelps Jul 26
took a dive and hit the deep end again

oh, where did it all go wrong?
(where did it all go wrong?)

it’s hard to pinpoint, or start,
i caused so many problems

(i feel so hollow)

all i know is destruction is my adrenaline
and

i don’t want the high to ever end.

i don’t want to feel.
i don’t want to heal.

so give me the fix, and let’s pretend,

because all i’ve got is sink or swim,
survive, and hold on,

because this wire has frayed,
split apart

and took a nosedive
headfirst into the heart.

oh, where did it all go wrong?

i took a chance, now star-crossed

the fire in me, once strong,
sways and flickers,
before going dark.

oh, where did it all go wrong?

the wires are crossed,
the messages aren’t clear
and

habits die hard.

the question is whether i can quit this

or will i dive headfirst
into my own sins?

clouded by judgment, lost within,

can’t say i didn’t give my all.

i just find it easier
just to give in.
Turn the beat up, and let the heat heat up,
Check it, my mics sound ice, glistening blinding suckas, from my frozen ice,
We move like mice, no snitches, cuz they get stitches,
What is this, mic murderers menace this,
Ain't no coming back from this,
My styles deeper than Chris,
Times two, peep the rendezvous, break down crews,
As an individual, yall edible, none of ya sources credible,
Im like Jada, sending a kiss, from the bullets that hiss,
Like a snake, silencers keep yall un awake, keep my stakes,
At large, take a charge of my Gurka cigar,
Fools ended up scarred, cuz they couldn't move faster,
Im linked cartels to rastas, def jam master blaster,
**** the news caster, i make my own moves from disaster,
Now ask yaself whos the master,
Build own my destiny,like the Rockefellers,
We be the Goodfellas,
Brown as nutellas, never dated Cinderallas , bellas bellas,
Give ya headaches to sweaters,
Dont nut in her,
Cuz she'll take for everythang, with no remains,
A crown without a kang,
Simple and plain, i take twist of the jane, blunt split,
Like the end of ocean, no boastin',
I stay in space, ghost floatin,
Can't catch my mind, its on the light of speeds time, to rhyme,
I keep bad design, im not thinking what you thinkin if you had my mine,
Slipping through time, speaking consciously and no sublime,
So suckas stand in line,
Ya lunch money is mine, bully em every line, tracks to design,
Carefully put in aligned,
Ya rhymes is burned, overturn, from the jury sentencin,
Yo what up world! Its my turn,
I used to wanna chase the cash,
And lust, after the girls with the fat ***,
Let me back up this spaz,
Tuned into the jazz,
Old school like Sach,
Watch the horn blow, mics up and im set to go,
Hits harder than holyfield, no way you could shield,
This lyrical, medical bill,
I spit it for the real,
No fantasy thrills, im sending chills,
Thats could even,
Make ice feel, the wicked ills,
Got strangled by the angels,
Last i seen,
It be the god supreme,
Got rid of the devils,
Up my levels,
Its just me myself, against eye,
So why even lie, or try,


Took the nails from Christ,
Now I'm living my worse life,
Guess im better off dead,
Different knocks of the feds,
Red dots on my head,
But cant get a word i said,
Concealed the conferation,
I do it, for the peeps in my nation,
don't ask me,
How i escaped the sticky situation,
No deals from me, i boxem like Rocky,
Balbo see my stamina galore,
Plus i got mobsters,
On my hit list,
Heavy mantra, so all haters feel this,
I used to **** Crist,
But now im a believer,
My sins aint registering this,
I guess just a player in this,
Game
Its a shame, truth i picked over fame,
But infamous if i gain,
Followers of the conscious bump the nonsense,
Yo i can feel it, the streets is intense


I turn into Rob Greene,
Learn the powers in between,
The lession beings,
Watch women, who love given,
Like Robyns,
See them robbin,
Men hearts blind, see it was all by design,
Curses of the feline,
Ribs damaged,
Cant manage, the creation,
Sins is just waiting,
While righteousness is just pacing,
Up and down the streets,
Lonely,
Singing Hendrix notes,
Red prints are wrote,
In the concrete, its another ****** sweet,
Wars a conundrum for peace,
Death has to release,
Just a fiend to the beast,
As prayers decease,
And hunger for evil, increase,
They wear crosses,
While laying crosses, king of kings, boss of bosses,
You cant win against nature,
Wisdom sittin' luxury,
But most of the average,
Cant see what i see,
Erik T Blaze Nov 2022
All pray for sunny rays
But the sunny days have
gone
a--way
lead astray smokey grey just to say
good--bye
Yeah,
I must have blazed a few back in my
Hey--day
But the skies still blue turns a different hue
but only on May--
Days
Well.,
I guess that's the reason why the meaning of life
Or at least for me?
is so
un--substantial even tho some-times we fold
but don't forget_ to line it with hope
Or maybe much so?
that our minds are now frac--
tured
So..
Don't tread on my mi-cro frac--
tions
( As I would often say )
Seeing that mines are both split / in personalities of my current
Reality?
Yo.,
But that's just a very small frac--
shun
in this type of  re--
ac-
            tion
Dealing with feelings of being shunned and or rejected
crybaby Aug 2022
When you lay at night, I know you think of me. I know this because I think of you too
Or am I delusional?
Is the way you look at me fraud?
Do your eyes lie?
U know my truth, but yours is so hard to know
Your mask is frightening but natural and real-looking that I’m starting to believe I only thought it was in fact a mask
Is this a ball? Since we both know I wear a mask too
I explain mine to you though, why I wear it
but you stay silent and I stay confused
If you don’t truly love me, I should go
If it really is just a party, and this is not just a mask, I’ll remove mine  
If you don’t think of me at night or in the morning, if the way you look at me is fraud, if your eyes lie, then I’ll stop my front
But if you do, I’ll glue my mask on until we can finally reveal our faces and dance.
Erik T Blaze May 2022
I've been fighting with temptation in everyday that I'm
faced with
Resetting my mind
all of my hopes and my dreams
onto the re--placement
Of every loss
And the suicidal thoughts of me
Losing / Control
Still engaged in my mind, I'm inclined
while
Maintaining the goal
of walking down that straight and
narrow road of Life
Because I have a date with Destiny in spite of what is ailing me
in-
Sight
While all the while?
Through the dark of night
I'm forced to fight with many
different things,
With no self-esteem trying to figure out
who to believe
And who to trust and on whom
can I call?
Soul is uncontent to balance the fence
Slowly committed to fall
All while seeing the steady fall
Of my many brethrens called
For the same purpose and the work that was meant for us all
But still my soul fell slowly down
De-pression's Well
Totally left to figure out how to
make it out
Wondering how I slipped and fell?
Fallen waist deep
Lost
within the clutches of grief
With seemingly no way of me finding
an answer,
And no way of me holding my Peace
So as a means of release?
I'm now speaking my Peace
Releasing for this reason having the means
of picking up the
Spiritual  Pieces
And putting it all back together using it for what it's worth
Visualizing the Holy theme giving birth to revive my hopes and
Dreams
But these dreams are not seen through the eyes of surprise
But only seen through the joyfulness of watching our spirits
Rise
Riiising out of the ashes where the
fearfulness is cruel and savage,
Out of the madness where the hopelessness is the rule of sadness
Escaping the Pain
No longer bond under heavy
Locks and Chains
No more wounds to be healed
No wounds to seal
No bandages with

-Stains-
I wrote this for motivational purposes
Erik T Blaze Mar 2022
As the World
turns
I can hear the world
Yearn
They're unruly and desperately
reck-less
seeking for love on ever-
lasting
terms
But they proceed with no concern
they're unable to discern or
learn
Not heeding the many
warnings and dan-
gers
Unaware of the many
forces that lin-
ger
Now as we stand by idly
as we witness
this cruel state of
Ig-nor-ance
We're losing our
Innocence
instead of making sense
of what's
going on
Unconvinced
of the shapes that are
taking form
We're miss-in-
formed
sowing the seeds to breed the
Devil's
Spawn
Provoking violence within the
mindset
of the spiritually blinded
While letting our
Silence
speak the truth
of the spirits that blind
Us
Reminding us
of where we Fail
A rude awakening
outa the
Spell
Snapping outa the
Trance
of being frozen in a
mea-ning-less
stance
For our only chance to
Survive
Is to thrive in our
circumstance
Moving on in advance
observing Truth
Learning to pro-
gress
As we focus in our aims
to Arrest
these
developments of
Carnality
We're pulling down the
Devil's
Faculty
Exposing Principalities
wherever
they
may
Be
Ephesians 6:12-20
Raven Feb 2022
"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How are you?"
(Drowning)

"What are you doing?"
(Fading away)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How are you?)
"I'm fine"

(What are you doing)
"Listening to music"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"What makes you want to die?"
(The constant people who use me)

"What makes you want to live?"
(John and his love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(What make you want to die?)
"Lots I guess"

(What makes you want to live?)
"My stuffies"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How do you feel right now"
(I want to go away. Forever)

"What do you want?"
(Actual consistent love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How do you feel right now?)
"I'm okay. Listening to music"

(What do you want?)
"Cuddles"

(Don't lie to me)
"I'm not"

(What do you want?)
"Love?"

(No)
"Okay"

(So?)
"I want to be free"

(I want to die please)
"I want to die please"

As you may see
They are both me
But the difference is
One is who you see
Nov/7/2021
aviisevil Feb 2022
don't **** with Kanye, the crazy Kanye, beefing with Jay-Z Kanye

he's so sick, a *****, an addict, the **** Kanye, take the mic Kanye

take your pick, he'll diss yo' kids, kiss yo' ***** Kanye

can't spell Kanye, outselling your fav' artist Kanye

the old Kanye, the 808 Kanye, he outsold 50 the kim's Kanye,

yeezy for yo' skims Kanye, don't **** with Kanye.
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