Pathetic.
That’s what I’d call you.
Just plain miserable
and manipulative.
You tricked me into giving you the world .
Deceived me into believing that you’d never do me *****
You blinded me by your lies
“Forget about them , you have me.”
But , I didn’t really have you ..
Did I ?
You took what you wanted .
You let me put you before myself .
But ?
I don’t even blame you .
Maybe if I would’ve been in your position ,
Being offered the world
And only being asked for friendship in return ..
Maybe then I would’ve robbed you of your trust .
And your love .

You were my best friend .
My ace ,
My platonic soulmate .
And I treated you as much .
But, what was I ?
To you ,
What was I ?
A personal tutor ?
Remember those last two essays that you just couldn’t get done ?
Who helped you ?
Who stayed up after an exhausting day at work ,
After having to bike home in the cold and rain ?
Just so you could pass and not worry.
Maybe , I was just a free ride .
Always taking you places ,
Always giving you the keys and letting you do whatever.
You filled the tank maybe twice
within a nine month period .
And I never once said anything .
Oh I got it , I was your ATM.
Whenever you needed money ,
I was glad to help .
Whether it was for an Uber so you could go to your volleyball tournament
Since your own “mother” couldn’t take you
Or whether it was for a Plan B because
YIKES
Your boyfriend didn’t know how to pull out .
Hm , I guess I was also a personal shopper .
Buying you clothes when I bought me some .
You didn’t wanna spend your money ?
That was fine .
I would spend mine
And you didn’t even have to ask.
I was everything except your friend
and that’s all I wanted to be .

I should’ve seen this coming .
I should have KNOWN .
Looking back
All I can see are the signs ,
Foreshadowing what was to come .
You started to change right in front of my own eyes
but I didn’t want to believe it .
Didn’t want to believe what I could clearly see .
You started to ignore me .
For days on end .
Living in the same house became something like a
Silent war .
Everyone against me .
Including you .
You started to disappear into your room .
There were no more lifetime movie marathons together .
No more staying up and goofing around together .
No more talking about any and everything together .
I lost you way before I knew I lost you
and that makes my heart ache
like a pre-existing bruise
getting hit over and over again .

What if you
Are waiting for me
To speak to you
While I am waiting for you
To speak to me?

she's the type of girl
to give you your
favorite flowers
then stomp on
them before
handing them
to you

What's a best friend?
I hope one day I know the meaning of what a “best friend” is suppose to be.

One who won’t constantly scrutinize me.

One who will laugh with me and not at me.

One who will listen instead of interrupt.

*

Who will encourage me to do my best, because they have faith in what I can do. 

And it’s a shame that I thought it’d be you. 
You’re not right in your heart, and for that we should be apart. 

Until you stop putting others down and turn your life around, I will be absent.

I could never speak to you and have your full understanding. 

You have your herd of sheep, but I chose to stand up and create my own life to lead.

I’ve encouraged you before, but instead you choose to stay tied down to your bedroom floor.

It hurts to say “I love you” 
because now I will be without you, 

But it’s better to avoid making more of a mess and time to lay this “friendship” to rest. 

I wish you nothing but the best.