three seagulls, four black kites, flocks of sea birds flying
in midair, suspended in the air suddenly, falling wildly, traumatised
eyes strike waves rougher, vivid incandescence, agonised
attacking the shore, piercing and intent, defying
a dead man's eyes, rough waves changing to ripples lying
beneath the sky, spreading beyond reefs and rocks, historicised
and memories, memorised scenes outlive experiences inhuman, recognised
and summoned, summoning up images magnifying
the psychic repression of desire uncomfortable, unbearable, surviving
is impossible, fear of losing light is imminent, immanency of light refused
to be penetrable, displacing immanency by equilibrium, imbalance in
flight, rebuked suspension of flying and falling in dim light, arriving
morning, horizontal hopes are unnoticeably bemused
dimming, whither, thereof being holistic

blue stones aligned to be a sign of fictive
internalisation, distanced, wellsprings polluted of genuineness
and consanguinity, remaining true means being incestuous as to acquiesce
to intense reflections of puzzling mechanical motions, predictable
cycles, cluttering, stuttering, dysmorphophobia, beating
being a habit of recommendation, pica, a craving, pleasing finesse
of those at stake, hope and sufferings, scenes of the sun's successive ingress
into Capricorn that are pernicious, indiscriminately
observed, related in a sentiment of losing, a burnoose draping
and draperies, an absence of fear and reverence
for blue light because of an acute awareness
of passing consisting of fits of modesty, escaping
no one's lips, of poshlost or cruelty told with reticence
generously, generous earthly names, unkind fairness

ambitious, surreptitious, the divine, habitats mesic
renounced, from the zenith to the horizon, blue the firmament, the heyday
of the Hohenzollern, hurrying stars challenging the sun, hues
unidentified for imputation, wild actions for massive
vile feasts, surrender although merciless, render mustered
defenders of night a promised glory of summer days, top hamper's
ephemeral shadows, read missals, winds high
nocturnal, sempiternal, temperaments submissive or passive, missives
from the gullible victimised given the defenders of divinity
toil and moil for wondrous eyes of immortals, look
to the future although worthless, perfumes of irascible
Arabia, all charged with statistics mendacious, an affinity
for false repudiation, parasitic Memphis inundated with unlucky
calls tendentious, sunglow tombolos put at risk

hands like feathers
searching through my heat
sweet sounds
echo through our walls
the words he speaks
are wisdom to me
my body, his teeth
vague curses to deep
I take a picture,
two minds intertwined.
two lives unwind.
he makes this work,
oh, my love.
maybe his hands
will bring me whole
while,
fleshy vessels pumping blood
ache selfishly for his touch
he's mine.
even with my sick mind.

There is a fine line to happiness
And at the end I'd like to believe stands you
Open arms and waiting for me
I want to savor every step
Every memory
Yet I can't wait to reach the end
However the future is shrouded with mystery
And the picture isn't real clear
Which is the only reason I take it one step at a time
Feel my way into what's to come
But with every step I believe a little more It's you
And I know I might be wrong as I often am
But I've never wanted anything more

I close my eyes and I can see your face.
Sometimes clear as day.
Others, dusted with fear and pain.
And I wonder if this is some cruel trick.
Left dreaming forever.
Of a man I may never see again.

There are things that I won’t apologize for:
Texting you back immediately
Or multiple messages in a row
Saying I miss your face
Even when I know you probably don’t miss mine
Wanting to exist near you
Wishing for existential conversation
Needing to hear your voice
Loving the pieces of you that you try to hide
I’m not sorry for any of these
I never will be

I am sorry for:
Mixed signals
Not always knowing how to be myself around you
Confusing dialogue that i intended to stay in my head
The awkwardness of drunk me and my girlfriends
Never being able to navigate correctly the line between enough and too much
Retreating into myself when I’m conflicted
I know that I not always easy to understand but I promise that I’m worth it.
I know that this isn’t what you wanted in the beginning but I swear it will be magic.
​