…Barely      Breath.                    Lungs
             A                 Left     These.       God
                                         In                         Pl-
                                                             ­          Ea-
                                                             ­             Se  help me, I am too young to go_____

I envisioned her being erased
as I slipped under
this frozen lake
that will cleanse me of
our brokenness
by turning my bones into icicles,
clarifying the sum
of how I became
shrouded in midnight blues
and the bluntness
shakes my last gulp loose
until the earth is still,
leaving me a cliché
as I glisten with the moon

My thoughts flicker into a dream
where we finally understood
without being mean,
where our love had
no consequence
and we did things for each other
not only because we should,
until a nightmare arises
of living torn apart
in realization that I
never appreciated her
when she was in my arms

Now I'm sorting through decay
into a dimension of
fading memory
and things speed up
as my mind begins to race,
but was it ever my mind to behold?
Are we just visions projected
through those that personify us?

The concept of missing another
has left, where is here?
Her face dissolves,
and my last thought
conjured
is a question of why
there was no emphasis
on other people or resolve
before I got lost in self-destruction,
looking for the sound
of her laughter

What remains
is unending fear
as this aura travels
elsewhere
and a body absently
sinks
to the bottom of Moses Lake;
goodbye dear

Without notice cognition starts
As a spark where the black and yellow remark
Aurelian dreams become neon streams
Pink and blue bubblegum retreat
Where memory recedes and recess recalls
The times we repeat, but love is the new,
A big bang like a bullet wound,
Bleed like a volcanic eruption-
The lava of adrenaline rushing through endorphins
Course through a crash of shallow breath
Addicted to the oxytocin landlocked in my serotonin
I could see the sculpture maker creating a savior
In the way, the mold breaks when he made you.

Without warning
She falls from Olympus
Aphrodite, telos of beauty
Epitome of lust and luster
In her extra ****** olive tones
As eyes hone to affix to my jade ocular
I am lost in the vision of her palingenesis
Into every curve my nimble fingers trace
Along the marbled skin of those descendent
It strikes me in breathtaking seizure-induced ecstasy-
******* in the clarity of cosmos in clemency
I worship endlessly without question.

As the stars affix ‘cross the heavens
And all that is dead is depth in enlightenment
Caught in a chrysalis to metamorphosis
What would become of you, if you could be reborn?
We twist in a helix DNA to a sequence
In callbacks for you to reveal its secrets in Morse code
Encrypted all over the bedside, my love transcends the fabric.
And in the genesis of what is
Comes forth like a violent storm
We crash like thunder while the lightning strikes
I am burned by the static, manic, in panic
As I wake without a warning cognition fully forming
As the universe expands you and I in the expanse
Tethered into the ether in ethos, lost inside your mythos
It all begins again.

Under the current currents
This maelstrom pulls to the bottom
Drown out all sound and colors as they bleed
Into the monochromatic release
The dark can see in the very light you hold
Bioluminescent under the black lit citadels
Reveal secrets in neon tell-tale epitaphs
Tomes scrolling our invocations into life.

What is done in the black dark soon comes to light
Monsters all come alive,  
Devour love and insight your fright,
But it’s not, how you remember these
Torrid torrential memories
Raining down like meteors crashing upon the sea
Fires burning but you’re caught in a freeze
So before it burns away, melting everything down to a stave
I want it all, one last confession, and count your blessings,
The tide will erase. Start on a new unaltered page.

Where do good angels
Go to burn their wings?
Under the current of your currents
Coalesce into a verse
Tethered as one as the song carries on
Bite the bullet, and know for certain
What’s done in the dark comes to light
And you shine so bright under the blackest
Through torrid torrential memories,
The tide will erase, start on a new unaltered page
What would you write if the right could see
Through your heart and past misery,
Could the trauma efface, the love panned across the face
If you truly sat upon the graves,
Monsters dancing moribund across your brain
Burn your wings, and coalesce

I want to shine in your darkest.

Answer your phone,
Oh I got a question for you
And I can’t wait to hear the echo
Of your answers ricochet through your lungs
I’m hoping you can play the game.

Am I outside your front window?
Or in the crawlspace in your parent’s attic?
Can you hear me in your television
Or does the tape tracking leave a static
Disconnect from your mesmeric dance
Please don’t leave me on read, pick up your phone
I need to know, I need to know.

Am I the cold of a closet void?
Do you see me staring at you with my mouth agape
I’m impatiently pacing the patience within me
Just to hear you answer and ask me please,
Agony in black cotton and latex,
And I guess I’m as aroused as you’d expect
Foreplay until the sharp licks the skin
And I’m bathing in your warm red ichor
Answer the phone Sid, I need to know, I need to know


What is your favorite scary movie?

Scream for me,
Scream,
Scream loud
Scream sayonara
Scream sweet Sidney, scream
For me.

What’s your favorite scary movie?

I want to touch you where you’ve never been
Somewhere deep in the core of you,
Cultivate to the very root
See how you bloom and grow for me
Out stretch your misery,
We could watch the stars from under canopies
And I’ll know you’ll be wishing upon those falling stars
That there’s a chance I’ll be here forever.

I want to kiss you so your ancestors feel my love
I want paradigms of your kin to know a paradise
When I look deep in your eyes.
I want to hold you like a sun ray kissing skin
So you can feel my warmth dig deeper in
There’s a chance I’ll be here forever.

We can press our flesh together
Mix caramel and vanilla
I want to taste you forever
We can tangle endlessly
But I won’t surrender
Until the parapets you build topple over
And you can feel my love break your dams
And watch the tides carry us under.

I want the molecules of you to feel the atoms of me
Dancing tumultuously
Until we explode like nuclear bombs
Kinetic force of my palms
Crashing down upon your round ivory flesh
As both of our faces go flush
Volcanic rush of this lust
And we’ll both be here forever.

Chemical compounds
That birthed you like an elixir
I’ll be your Romeo and drink you like poison
And you can take my last breath
Feel my soul as it passes past depths
Of every chemical compound
That makes you fluid in my grasp,
And if you ingest me, you best be ready to protect me
Because I’ll be here forever.

She said,
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I asked,
"What is it?"
She replied,
"I can't exactly remember."
I questioned,
"How will you know you've found it?"
She said,
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I asked further,
"Well, who is it?"
She said,
"I don't really know,
But I think I've seen them before.
There's an image in my head
And an idea in my mind,
They feel innate to me."
"Are they, though?"
She didn't answer,
"I think if I just do
As my parents have done
And their parents have done,
I'll be all the closer."
I just shook my head and laughed.
"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you.
I just find it funny.
You say you're searching
For something or someone,
And you only have the slightest idea
Of what that is."
"I know, it's a bit silly."
"Why, they could be
Talking to you right now
And you would never know it then!"
"Maybe, maybe not.
I'd like to think
I would recognize it, recognize them."
"Well, you don't think
You're special do you?"
"No more so than anyone else."
"So, how would you know?"
"I guess I just believe,
I have faith in that
Hope shall deliver me.
I try my hardest
To be the best I can be,
I always try to be honest
And act respectfully.
I love with all my heart
And shelter it from nobody."

"Ah, but do you reach?
Do you search your mind
As much as the tangible world?
Perhaps what you're looking for
Can't be found
Without exploring within first.
Perhaps this is the only place
It exists.
Maybe it is a mystery
Confused with fantasy,
Maybe it is a fantasy
Confused with mystery.
Perhaps it can
Only be discovered
By any one individual.
Maybe by elusion,
Made by illusion.
Perhaps it is,
Perhaps it isn't,
Maybe you're just not worthy.
Perhaps you've already eclipsed it."
I had said.
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I said.

"What is it?"
She said.
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I said.
"Yes, but who remembers?
And what memories?"
She said.
"It's something that can't be held,
But something one must hold.
It's something that can't be told,
But something one must tell.
It's like the melody of a song,
Like the lyrics sung.
It is only as old
As it is young."
I said.
"What is it?"
She said.

"What is it?"

We are all like wildflowers. We fall to the ground as seeds, some are swept away without a chance, while others begin to germinate and sprout after some time in utter darkness, enveloped with earth for what must feel like an eternity.

We begin to form ourselves into the ideal shape under ideal conditions, and even under conditions which would more than likely do us in, by the grace of the universe and process itself.

We gather up sunlight as the manifestation of motivation and courage, and we begin to satiate our spirits with unspoken gratitude, which spills over into joy and laughter, which we commit to our subconscious memory, and we let it build us up into stronger, more beautiful versions of our truest selves.

But this inertia and energy only lasts so long, until we are buffeted by the harsh winds of unfortunate events and circumstances, until we require rejuvenation from the universe and from the very depths of our subconscious once again. There is a waiting period for this to occur, which I would call depression. When we feel like it’s not worth the effort, when we feel like giving up or not pushing ourselves to our limits, or even when we feel like just not so much as enjoying the passing moment, we must gain strength from outside of ourselves at times when we feel we do not have what it takes to keep pushing.

The beauty and magnificence of life is ultimately contagious, and when we realize that bad times breed good times, we realize that good times ultimately spill over into inevitable bad times. The Yin and Yang is a good example of this. “As above, so below, as within, so without.”-The Emerald Tablets.

When we reach our peak, our flowering stage in life, we are so beautiful and full of radiance, and everyone around us thinks so too. That’s what I mean when I say the beauty and magnificence of life are ultimately contagious, but the same can be said for negativity, doubt, hatred, self loathing, fear, pessimism, and the false idea that life is only to be enjoyed by the rich, and that there’s no hope for the average individual. These thought patterns will hold you hostage, they will break you down, and they will make you virtually unable to process any sort of joy regarding this incredible experience we call life.

The only way to break the cycle of negative thoughts, is to take a step back and practice gratitude and awe for the absolutely insane process of our evolution, and our growth as a species, our growth as wildflowers, who are strewn about the countryside basking in the sunlight, swaying in the breeze like our very emotional states often do. We are a thing of untold majesty, the true personification of all that is, and when we finally say goodbye to our oldest and closest friend, Gaia herself, the planet, the life cycle, our temporary blip in the history of mankind, we can we can hear her laughing, giggling like a young girl at the antics of a playful kitten, telling us that this life had not gone to waste, and that our memories and energy will live on, and that all of us, no matter how seemingly insignificant, have made an indescribably positive impact on the world around us, and that the world was made infinitely better because we were here. We, the wildflowers, are here to give people joy, and to see the beauty in us, and ultimately all around us.

I didn't know when I'd see you again,
Four years loved and lost,
Right here.

Every time I leave,
I leave a part of myself behind.
My old self lived here.

Can I learn to love you again?
I watched lives get lost living here,
I lost friends and family here.
I cried and screamed here.

I watched people get married,
I saw relationships begin.
I laughed and smiled here.

No matter how far,
You never leave my heart.
Life took a turn,
And now I'm here.

I'm ready for my next move,
I can see myself growing old here.
But I also dream of leaving here.

The time has come,
The streets glow in the winter sun.
Auld Reekie, how I missed you.
It's good to be back with you.

In your dreams
And in your memories
It is there.
Wild fantasy.

Don’t pretend that you don’t chase it
Like a toddler playing make-believe.
And don’t pretend you don’t yearn for it
Like a roaring thirst you cannot quench.

In the dreamscape,
We all run free
And let our thoughts run amok,
But I know you have that wild fantasy.

Through the meadows of your mind
Past the daisies of yesterday,
And the poppies of tomorrow
You chase the little menace.

Into the fields of wheat
That seem like your emotions.
Past the grain silo
That vaguely resembles your memories.

And soon you catch her,
Your mischievous little sister.
You can’t remember what was on your mind before
So the two of you walk back to the farm and

You just enjoy
Your wild life;
In wild fantasy
We are more real than we will ever be.