Now Different

He once wondered if there was a rep

Who actually wore different coloured footwear?

He wondered this for years a stupid thought

And then there he was a rep in different shoes!

The rep appeared to be a narcissist by image

With one arm fully tattooed and tied back hair

An air of importance surrounded him

He wasn't a manager or boss just a rep

Not necessarily bad or arrogant he was just

Full of self-importance and something else

None of that mattered right now to Brian

What did were the different coloured pumps

One was bright yellow the other was red

Both were the same type of trainers

Not the same pair but the same make

He'd obviously swapped them around

It was the second time he saw him

And each time the rep had worn opposites

He had a quirky thing for opposite shoes

He decided he would write this poem

To remember just another rep now different

Tea Biscuits
The call centre rep turned the gal's life upside down
She was state apparatus gal married to a serving cop
The rep was a historical Soviet communist
He called the gal to see how she was his calls were ignored
It came out she fled to her relative away from the city
6 months pregnant by the red rep plus 3 kids with the cop
His calls and texts went thru to the cop did he know who was calling?
The rep the cop threatened to shoot dead for grinding his ex
Now with a lizard in her big fat belly a baby red ****** nipper
How this would enrage the cop who wants to get even and more
How will this all end best friends’ tea and biscuits?
The state apparatus gal with a lizard by a communist agent

Times Over
The Fake God gloated and said
'Hey mate I win this round and for good'
He nodded and replied yes you win here
But not for good tho I'll accept the NTE
No disputes as numbers don't lie
Yes boss I know I failed in sales
Do what you will transfer or fire me
I'll transfer you to collections
Brian went on to say why did you
Follow me four times over Asia?
I worked in Bangkok and Manila
In Pattaya and San Fernando
You stalked me the same companies
I'd get it if we were pals
You're a fair boss but not my friend
Excellent at sales better than me
Yet you scammed one time and was
Booted out on the B2B account
I went to Bankgok you followed me!
Brought your Wallflower along
It's fine I ignored you both and now
I listen to your whys on my sales
I'm not as good as you tho did ok boss
I did my best and that's fine for me
Now you transfer me to collections
Normally that would be fine
It's not now and I'll tell you why
Fake God looked surprised
He was to the point
My Time in Asia and the BPO is over
I'm off back to Germany and elsewhere
Thanx for the B2B experiences
No more calls I'm outa here
Have a nice life boss!

Big Fat 0
The rep ended the year with 0 sales
There were 10 selling reps in total
9 got sales and 1 didn’t get any
The other 9 got between 1 and 11
Number 10 rep was pegged at 0
He got 7 sales in October
And 5 in November but before then
Both August and September were 0
Why are the rep’s sales up and down?
He doesn’t know and does his best
He would have 2 or 3 but they VT failed
Verification Team issues out of his hands
He will try to close his Dec ones in Jan
He’s determined never to be bottom with 0 again

Chalk Times
The reps wondered what the chalk marks were in the office
On a couple of work stations in the coaching office
On the managers desk in the sleeping quarters
In the rest room by the gym area and other places
It was where their randy coach had bonked 3 other agents!

Managers’ Monday
The agents dial the leads and opportunities to try to get sales
One rep has 77 manual dials and no more
Another had 47 manual dials plus 340 outbound dials
Others have similar numbers none under 200
The 88 rep got beasted off his sup for laziness
And was made to promise to step up and do more calls
Each agent had to count then report the call numbers
The TL added them to a data sheet to review
And pass it to the Managers who managed all this crap
Their TL had to explain the discrepancy in call numbers
Each agent knew it was a futile childish process
The bosses all had access to the agents’ diallers  
All they had to do was filter and tally the calls
The agents grumbled it was a stupid pointless act
Did they know the bosses were testing them?
To see how they would react under pressure
And having to deal with stupid pointless orders
Which were all recorded real time on the system?
The bosses liked games and numbers so were fine
With this little exercise that highlighted one lazy rep
He would be triple beasted and fired if he did it again
It was Managers’ Monday and all deliberate

Power Mad
The power mad manager threatened to fire the worker
Who made a customer’s account so he could get the sale
This never happened for the manager saw it happen
Cancelled the new account almost fired the worker
Never said well done for using initiative or adeptness
He was power tripping made an example of him
Nobody will create a new account without my Yes!
Even if it slows the sales process down to half
I will make the account send me the details
I hope you all learned a lesson here or else
Lose your jobs for I’m in charge ok?

Moral Corruption
There was once a boss who was so vain
With long hair like a girl
He ran his fingers thru this
And swished his tail and his locks
Oh look such a pretty Alpha male boss
With all the selling skills and power
He had a 2nd in command a lieutenant
Whose position was higher than his chair
Both used a 3 step selling technique
It got good results for the hippy boss
Who ****** his coach/supervisor
She caterwauled like a dead cat my God!
Shut that woman up she gives me a headache
See them all plus the pet dog secretary
All on the other side of the fence
It's a case of them and us
Don't go over there without good reason
Go by the channels first your own sup
To see if he can sort the issue out
How can the issue of moral corruption
Be erased without dissolving the account?
We know what goes on behind the scenes
We see it with our own eyes oh yes
And the truth always wriggles free
The powerful vain hair swishing boss
Who will put you on VTO so get some sales!
He worships figures as some do him
I'm now one of them but I see his skills
Those cannot be denied and he's a good boss
But a ******* lousy person never a friend
This is how it is in B2B sales
Moral corruption anybody?

Vice President Boss
The call centre VP boss flew from America to Thailand
She’d been in sales 20 years and knew it all
From presenting to rebuttals to fronting and closing
This was why she was the big boss and flew to Bangkok
One of the reps said to his pals take her to a Go Go bar!
See how her ******* twist and if she can drink and grind
Would you **** her another asked? Of course he replied
They got the business meetings over and official stuff
Including signing the new contract for another year
Then it was time for a team dinner with pizza and Pepsi
There were many photo ops for the website
Later they all went to a ***** Twister bar for fun
She paid for seven buckets of beer and more food
Music played dancing gals danced hookers hooked
A couple of the lads got bjs then and there
Others went back to private rooms with bargirls
The Yankee boss nodded to the TL and a rep
She took their hands grabbed some beers
And they all went to a room to make love!
What ensued in the ***** Twister bar stayed there
Had she done this before or was it the first time?
None of this would appear on the company site!

Improving
I had a good talk with the manager
About my numbers the account and sales
You need to do this and that

Yes I shall do my best boss
Here are my suggestions
To make the account better

First there is…
Next there is this…
Followed by this…
And lastly this…

Please see that this is done boss
So the account is smooth
Without issue or trouble

What a good meeting we had
I’m so glad the boss listened
Much will improve