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Sarah Delaney Oct 15
At one point I called you father, and meant it.
You were not my father by blood, simply by marriage.
I had longed for a father figure for as long as I could remember,
A man who would love and raise me as his own.
The good memories were brief snippets of happier times,
While the bad were vivid, distinct memories that lasted for what felt like hours.
A nightmare that I could never escape from,
They were engrained in my memory like the words to my favorite song.
I wish I could forget all the difficult memories and focus on the good times that we had together.
What little they were, anyways.
I wish I could forgive, the way my five year old self did,
Oh, the love and admiration she had for you.
Now all that was left was anger and a bitter resentment.
The anger and confusion that came with the abuse that you perpetuated.
I would never call you Father again, if I ever saw you
I would look at you in disgust and pity,
For you will never know true, selfless, love.
And for that, I feel sorry for you.

~sdr
Xella Sep 11
Silver trails from the snail mail you sent, I
Store in a box. In my mahogany chest, right
Next to my heart and bones.
It still smells of the life time we wasted.
The coffee shops are empty,
I have grown sleepy, no caffeine tears.
In the bookstore that cold day last month,
I saw you. A smile of sadness was exchanged,
I hope that was enough.
Picture a Picture
aura Jun 2018
maybe
waiting for you hurts a lot more than i thought it would.
maybe
being alone with no hope
is better than being hopeful
after all.
aura Jun 2018
today it is 8AM
and my heart won't stop beating
it's full of anxiety
and hope
and love
because my little body misses you
and today you said you
might
be  
back.
aura Jun 2018
(s)
i keep looking at
our pasts
and wondering about
our future().
the open parentheses is empty, because i was praying that we'd have a future together, and not separate futures.
Becca Lansman Mar 2016
You hide
behind everything you are afraid to hear:
“You will die alone.”
“I love you but only in memories.”

You hold my hand sometimes,
But only in moments when I do not whisper too loud,
Only in moment when I fold my clothes just right.

Sometimes you appear out of thin air.

Like when I follow the dotted like correctly,
Or ask you to speak at my funeral.
You Never took the blame,
unholstered your gun to look down on the mess you made.
Looked into my eyes
Asked if I would take the bullet.

You cower in the corner afraid that I might ask you something real.
That I might tug on one of your heart strings long enough for it to play a melody.

You tell me,
“You are a burden.”
What I think you mean is,
“ I don’t know how to love without suffocating.”
You tell me
“You are a disappointment.”
What I think you mean is
"I cannot give you what you deserve."


The thing is, you can only yell over the truth for so long
your vocal chords will seize and you will be left with the ringing in your ears.
The sour taste in your mouth.
You will be left with everything you never did for me.
I am tired of bruising my knuckles, bleeding for a cause that is not mine.

I tell you
"I love you"
What I mean is
"My wounds still have time to heal, yours don't."
24/7 I want to hold you in my arms
24/7 I want say love you any time
But I have to move on
You've moved on while I was crying
My heart aches
Soul bakes within the sadness of the moon
Why did you break me...
The string that bonded us,
I thought to be strong.
I cut it loose,
Bringing it all down.
Like pieces of broken glass,
Here it lies.
Am yet to figure out
How it died.
Noelle Marie Nov 2014
I look into the mirror
Sometimes
And I see your face looking back at me
Your smile, your eyes, your lips
I see an absence
And my chest hurts
Nearly 11 years now
I don't know how I remember your face
I don't really
It's slowly slipped away
Memories faded over time
Darkened
By anger, by pain, by sadness, by this yearning for you to be back with me
You protected me as much as you could, loved me I think, made me feel cared for, worthy
I know now why you but I have but one wish
That you'd taken me with you  
That you'd take time to make me feel cared for, worthy again
Come back,
One day,
Some day,
Please,
There is a hole where you once belonged

— The End —