the first time i meant love
i was in middle school
love sat across from me in my history class
twirling her long blonde hair
and biting the end of her pencil
love was the smartest in the class
and best on her sports teams
and she was beautiful
but love had other plans
and she only saw the loud football boys
and not the quiet one right by her
i meant love again a few years later
she was pale and skinny
dark black hair that had the perfect curl to it
she was loud and rude to others
and she was beautiful
but love ended up becoming my best friend
and slowly those feelings i had for her died
i searched and searched again for love
checking everywhere i thought it might be
i walked miles and miles calling out for it
and nothing replied
until one day when i was about to give up
love snuck up behind me
love had short ***** blonde hair this time
love wasn't the smartest
or the best in its class
love wasn't my best friend
and love wasn't always so loud
but love made me feel something new
something different
i felt needed
i felt important
for once i knew what actual love was
and he was beautiful

I've, been sitting on my bed,
Contemplating life,
The worries in my head...

Trying so hard,
To socialise and embark,
On this pointless quest,
Of making some friends...

The ones I lost,
For a reason unknown,
I wonder, what have I ever done?
Curse myself,
Yet once again,
To learn that the fact that me trying to gain attention,
Has been making me lose friends.

So I chuck this 'self-pity',
In the back of my head,
And start being myself.
Irrespective of what others think of me,
'For attention, I will not change myself,'
I promise to continue,
Being myself.

I only became free
when I lost my sense of grammar
when I forgot how to punctuate
and I didn't follow a rhyme scheme.
I let the letters place themselves
and the words chose themselves
the poetry wrote itself
problems solved themselves
my heart healed itself

I became free when I finally learned
that the poetry is not in perfection
but in the broken words that lie on the page
delivered by my ink-stained hands
from a broken soul and an imperfect heart.
I was only free when I realised
that the broken and imperfect words
made up the perfect poem.
Made up the perfect me.

They say "leave your box,
Go out and make yourself known,
Without a care in the world.
Be yourself."
But what if your box is your world?
And you never cared if people don't see it that way?
Those close to you, especially.
They really mean, "Be yourself but just not like that."


                                             «c.h.b.»

i hope every door that closes on you another one opens,
another opportunity shows,
another chance,
something to hold on,
something better that won't ever close.
i hope the white walls and ceilings you see,
are as clean as your intentions,
those dirts are just imperfections,
that makes up you
you deserve everything you gave away,
you deserve a love that shines everyday, and shows rainbows after the rain.
you deserve the best.
you don't have to be like them,
you don't have to walk, talk or dress like them,
be your own person,
be the one who differs from everyone, that wants to be like any other person.
most girls, are smart and strong and beautiful,
so are you,
the only thing that makes you ugly is the fact that you don't want to embrace you difference.
you are beautiful,
maybe not in the looks but what's important is in the soul.

you don't have to be the most beautiful girl,
to prove that you fit in,
you don't have to be conscious of your belly or your big *** arms,
you don't have to cut your hair for a reason that inlvoves him,
you don't have to have all the things in the world,
you don't need all that makeup for your acne or unperfect skin,
you don't have to shave your hairy arms and legs just because society thinks it's gross,
i think it's beautiful it shows us how much unique we are,
you don't have to hide your legs because you think it's big,
you don't have to be ashame about your stretch marks,
or your uneven skin tone,
you don't have to worry about what other thinks about you,
you are not pretty but you're are beautiful,
inside and out,
you are smart,
you are amazing,
brilliant,
wise,
gorgeous,
you are everything that you chose to be.
never let one thing ruin your life,
be the one who chose to walk on the path that he/she wants,
be the one who is incredibly different,
flaunt yourself,
it's your personalized flag that is limited edition and will never be stolen by any other creature in this world.